Encouragement needed

lenseman said:
Firstly, I will say it even if no one else will.

Your wife and marriage come first. Your yacht comes second!
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+1

My wife despises sailing; in the Laser2000 CA she was universally known as Aquaphibia. But she's a brilliant wife and mother, and I would do anything to stay together.

I wanted to do more sailing, and since I know she won't come with me I bought a trailer sailer and go alone. Family holidays involve the boat and a cottage. I'll spend a couple of nights out and she does her own thing. It's a decent compromise. When the weather is absolutely perfect she will come with me for a day, but its minimal distance sailing and anchoring in the sunshine. There's no way I could make her do more, and I've come to enjoy the compromise.
 
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I vote the opposite, stay with the boat !!!

My A22 has seen me through thick and thin, while women I relied on and in one case married turned out rotten; and any woman I might fall for now would have to be into the boat to get my interest to start with; not asking a lot, more like a 'take it or leave it' offer of great sailing and sunsets over the forecabin ! :)
 
My way of coping is to find areas that inspire my wife. Then she'll enjoy the touring etc etc even if I make delivery trips with friends t get the boat there and then carefully pick weather and short hops when with her, even if we did a 12 hour 75 mile hop together last year by carefully managing expectations ;-) and she enjoyed it in retrospect!
 
30boat said:
.... Today I asked her if I'm to start using the boat on my own .......... I really would like to be able to enjoy to boat on my own but I'm afraid I may not.
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A book of Single Handed Sailing Tips can be downloaded from the Single Handed Sailing Society: Click To Access Download Site

I am pretty sure you will find inspiration and contentment if sailing single handed. There are bits in the book about the intensity of the experiences that single handed sailors can encounter; as an artist perhaps you may find new themes to drive your creativity which will lead to new styles of expression and form. I wish you all the best.
 
I'm lucky to have a wife who accepts my lifestyle of living alone on the boat throughout the summer while she stays home with her cat and garden and visits when I'm secure in marina or anchorage.

But then we met later in life and with other partners behind us; with no children between us to muddy the waters. Also, we met when I travelled a lot and was frequently away for long periods on business - we always did have a sort of long-distance relationship.

When we first met she would come cruising and she loved the life aboard but with a highly nervous disposition and a few gales behind us became less and less enchanted. She was always pointing out the cloud on the horizon or a rising wind with such worry and trepidation that it became a damper on my sailing pleasure such that we eventually agreed that I should go off alone. I think we both breathed a sigh of relief at that mutual decision.

In fact, I soon found that I preferred it. A good friend joined me mid-cruise this year and, despite a pleasant disposition with a very willing and pro-active attitude, I fretted at his fumbling and inexperience at doing things I knew I could do better alone.

There were advantages that I had almost forgotten about. Coming alongside the customs pier to clear from Croatia with a strong cross-wind - how much easier with someone to help handle the lines as I closed the wall at the wheel and engine controls. How comfortable to take a nap below when on a longer passage. But these are minor problems; for me, single-handed is best.

With Skype or text messages we are normally in daily contact so she is relieved I am safe and she can share her daily home-related worries - of which there seem to be many, generally of such a trivial nature that I can usually offer enough advice to calm her.

Over the years this solution has worked for me. It is a state of mind that you both have to work on and it requires a degree of trust on both sides.

There is a further development that has helped in my case. I have two very good friends in my marina in pretty much the same situation as I am (let's face it, we are in a very common scenario). They have somewhat similar-sized yachts and driven by similar cruising desires. It doesn't always pan out but generally we spend the early part of the season working on our boats, helping each other where appropriate. Then we plan and execute a cruise in company, so organised that we end up in the same port or anchorage. Perfect company for a limited time.
 
BlowingOldBoots said:
A book of Single Handed Sailing Tips can be downloaded from the Single Handed Sailing Society: Click To Access Download Site

I am pretty sure you will find inspiration and contentment if sailing single handed. There are bits in the book about the intensity of the experiences that single handed sailors can encounter; as an artist perhaps you may find new themes to drive your creativity which will lead to new styles of expression and form. I wish you all the best.
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I've downloaded it ,thanks.
 
I think Jimi's idea of delivery trips - hopefully with friends, so good fun in their own right - to position the boat somewhere wife-friendly is a good idea.

My girlfriend is not keen on sailing at all, gets seasick just thinking about it but I am planning as an offshoot of the Solent to Poole rally to meet her at Wareham, via train.
 
Seajet said:
And if you work out how to get an all female racing crew,
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I had an all female racing crew once!

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SWMBO has been sailing with me now for 22 years. We've done what the OP seems to have failed to do - evolved a way of sailing thats OK for both of us. I have to recognise that she prefers the destination to the journey and wants to be pretty near upright. She recognises that I want to sail not motor and enjoy playing with boats. Give and take.

If I need a fix of thrashing to windward over on my ear ( less the case every year) then I can get that racing in the winter with the lads. In summer the type of sailing we do is written round her not me.

Sounds to me as if the OP's wife never was that keen, and is less keen after being shouted at. Whats more she has morphed, as they all do, from compliant young woman to strong minded wife, half way on the journey to old bat. So she is not prepared to face discomfort and boredom for the crabby old phrrt she married.

No going back. Move on.
 
Seajet/Andy

I love the way you posted that any woman you were going to really fall for would have to be into your boat, and then that the actual Mrs Seajet doesn't like sailing at all. Exactly the contradiction we've been discussing, I feel.

I have no useful advice to add, except to say that I feel the OP's pain more now, as non-sailing HWMBO and I have had some difficult talks over the last few days.
 
Merry Girl,

I genuinely hope that works out OK, and thanks for your support over the last year.

I have had some serious chats with my girlfriend about her not coming sailing, but I think I've convinced myself I can put up without sharing the most important thing in my life !

On a lighter note, when a teenager with a similar ex-schoolcum as crew, we were met at Braye, Alderney by the very clued up Harbour Master; " Lads, you just missed 'em, there was a boat with six gorgeous girls, they just set off for Guernsey ! "

Of course he might have been trying to get rid of a couple of scruffy gits, but I got the impression from his rather wistful tone that he meant it ! :)
 
wotayottie said:
.... Whats more she has morphed, as they all do, from compliant young woman to strong minded wife, half way on the journey to old bat. So she is not prepared to face discomfort and boredom for the crabby old phrrt she married.
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Sad but (too frequently) true and very pithily put.
 
Bite the bullet and get a little dog to go sailing with.

Don't believe me?

Lock the dog and your wife in the boot of the car for six hours.

When you open it up - see which one is pleased to see you. :)
 
If I was you, I would take your son sailing(without your wife)teach him to love it, get it in his blood. Your wife will be desperate to join you, but hold out as long as possible.
 
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