Do you really, really want to be a ...

[ParaHandy]

... yachtmaster?

We (BigNick TwisterK TescoTrev) were looking forward to a demonstration of the prowess and skills of such a person --- a barely perceptible nudge on the wheel to add another knot to the boat's speed ..... a subtle tweek to a sheet to point a tad higher .... a skillfull analysis of time and tides .... this is what we got ....

Passage planning: a little unsteadily, this paradigm of rectal paralytisity surfaced from his bunk to assist in the preparation for sea although he would surely have been done for if StugeronSteve had not prevented him falling off the pontoon. With nary a further word (indeed, no words at all), he retired back to his bunk ..........

... 9 hours later ....

Navigation hazard: as Bonchurch at the eastern end of the Isle of Wight approached and with the wind smoking the seas, a tack had to be put in. Could we wake him? Can the dead arise? Little children on the beach building sandcastles with bucket and spade ran to their mothers who gazed in dread anticipation as the boat moved inexorably closer to the shore. Could the yachtmaster be bounced from the port to the starboard bunk? Would he bounce? or would he wake in time? Would the captain sacrifice one to save the rest of the crew? Seconds before she'd run aground for sure and close enough to buy a poke of whelks and jellied eels, the yachtmaster stumbled into the starboard bunk and the ship was tacked. 40 minutes later we tacked again and with the instinct of a homing pigeon on a promise, he found his previous berth ...

Mooring skill: within yards of home ... yes, you guessed it ... the dead arose and looking and behaving as perky as can be, he grabs a warp and becomes a busy little bee.

Do you get to become a yachtmaster after proferring the tops of several cornflakes packets? Have you seen anybody fall into the Tyne and come out with fivers stuffed up their nose? I have .....


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[ccscott49]

The art of delegation, Perchance?
I'd have tacked and rolled the man across the saloon!
Jimi, how could you??!!?? A man of your standing, we all used to look up to you, well the shorter ones of us anyway!

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[bedouin]

I think Jimi clearly demonstrates an very high level of skill. Clearly as a Yachtmaster he quitely assumed full responsibility for the safety of the boat and crew - yet he managed to do this in a way that did not give the crew a sense of inferiority or felt they were being put down.

He was so in tune with the boat and the sea that he could sense everything he needed from the motion of the boat (even while he was asleep).

In the end he brought you and the boat safely across the channel in testing conditions without you even realising he was doing it; now that is the mark of a true YachtMaster.

Having seen Jimi in action, how can we mere mortals hope to aspire to such a standard?

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[chas]

sounds more like the epitome of a pitrat.

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[snowleopard]

a yachtmaster is a master in the art of yachting.

who spent the trip in the cold and wet? who spent the trip in a warm bunk?

i rest my case.

and yes, i'm one too.

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[ParaHandy]

... standing !!!@@@***

.. otherwise there is much to admire in this. when last seen in the morning he had panda eyes - bit vampireish and tinged with red - and when he resurfaced later that night, other than looking slightly seedy, he showed no ill effects at all ...

spitting blood in admiration, you might think ...

whether to waken him was more to do with the damage he might occasion to the pile of booze in the way of his likely trajectory if left comatose ...

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[jimi]

Statement for the defence

Well first of all I must admit I've felt better of a morning than I did on Sunday morning! However having arisen and witnessed the plethora of Indigo Rescuees, Tesco trolley recovery agents, event organisers and extremely capabable parrot handlers I thought I'd get out the way and have a kip.
I had a dream, sunny skies, beam reach, middle eastern countries with record of human rights abuse and WMD really capable of being launched in the Solent being attacked by GB & TB. Stingo crossing Biscay.Problemless boats, mooring fees of less than £1kpa, equal opportuunities for all, tax decreases, value for money in public services ... flying kettles, flying pigs, cauliflower, Claysie achshully turning up to something, then I WOKE UP AND SPENT THE NEXT SIX HOURS LOOKING FOR MAH HAT! Still havnae foond it, some bastid must hae nicked it, I've a feeling Para coveted it and it is now adorning the heid o' his missus ..

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[Twister_Ken]

Your hat. You don\'t remember?

You were sick in your hat. One of us came below to remove it from your grasp. You asked if we'd kindly empty it and launder it. Unfortunately, in emptying it we lost contact with the item. And as none of us had done the hat recovery module from the YM syllabus, we had to let it go.

But never mind. It was only 50p from the remainder bin at Woollies.

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[jimi]

Re: Your hat. You don\'t remember?

That wisnae mah hat it wiz yer bandana cunningly disguised as a Tesco's bag!

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[Peppermint]

Re: Not one to criticise BUT!

While you exemplified the coolness of nerve and the light touch of leadership expected of the chosen ones who are known as YM's. You lost points at the end.

Helping them moor lost you the opportunity to go from sleeping bag to blazer and flannels. As fenders touched you should have appeared, said " right you lot get finished up here while I go and see who's here." and stepped ashore.

This has many advantages, getting to the drink first being one, and allows you to get your story told first. Thats the same as getting your excuses in place before the gainsayers arrive.

I hope you offered to sign everyones log book for them.

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[ParaHandy]

bandana ... ?

ah thocht it wis his sleeping bag which he kept wrappit roond his heid ... yer no need me telling you that he didna like tae be far away frae his bag and more often than not he wis in it ....

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