Disagreement on a serious thread

[BlueSkyNick]

Becky started what became one of the most emotional threads I have seen on the forum - certainly bought a tear to my eye, for very personal reasons.

Claymore added a lighthearted post, which was his own way of expressing himself.

Brendan has criticised him for doing this, and spoiling a nice thread. He has also said Claymore should have stared a new one if he disagreed.

Well, I don't want to spoil Becky's thread any further so here we are on this one - I think you are over-reacting Brendan.

Everybody grieves in their own way. To some, many in fact, the lighthearted approach is best. This might be difficult for others to understand but that doesn't make it bad. There is no right or wrong way - every individual deals with it differently.

So lets not spoil a really good thread by telling other people how to behave on forum, or by starting an argument within it.

Hope you don't mind the feedback - no hard feelings.

 

[Jeremy_W]

I support you fully bignick. You cannot tell anyone else how to grieve.

 

[Peppermint]

Re: I thought

Mr Claymore was being quite sensitive for a man from so far north. A nice little piece of whimsey.

Crikey do I have a story about ashes disposal.

Still I'll wait until a more appropriate time. Maybe tomorrow.

 

[snowleopard]

i thought all threads were fair game to be hijacked by in-jokes these days. perhaps it's best to restrict serious debate to PBO or Liveaboard. i have recently discovered the 'ignore' option but unfortunately it only suppresses the text, not the whole message.

 

[graham]

I didnt find Claymores post at all offensive,To my mind it was an attempt to lighten up what was a very heavy and emotional thread.

I attended the funeral of a respected work colleague recently taken far to young from his friends and family.

Before the service everyone was very subdued but outside after a bit the normal banter was beginning to come back ,life goes on.

Having said that Brendan has every right to disagree with whoever or whatever he likes and to express his disagreement.

While we have no right to tell others how to grieve we also have no right to put pressure on people as to what they can and cant say on an open forum.

So personally I think Brendan was heavy handed in his condemnation of Claymores post but do we have any more of a mandate to critisize Brendan for expressing his opinion?

 

[AlexL]

what is the 'ignore' button, and what does it do?

 

[jimi]

Yup , Brendan's a crabbit git and needs to lighten up, personally I think at midnight the sense of humour clock runs out and he gets all miserable cos all his really really miserable posts are in the early hours!

 

[StugeronSteve]

Lifting the mood at any sombre time is a human instinct.

Claysie's comments were typically "Claysie", gentle experiential humour. I really can't remember Claymore posting anything with intent to offend anybody, other than jimi and para, of course. I am sure that if Becky had been upset by the post Claysie would waste no time in apologising.

 

[Sgeir]

I have no reason to disbelieve Claymore's account, particularly on the death of a parent. Nor did I think it distasteful, it was just an account of what happened. What's Brendan's problem with it - the Victoria Plums? Don't know what all the fuss is about.

Many other people have had similar or, occasionally funny, or sometimes odd experiences with the ashes of close relatives or friends. Doesn't make them bad people.

Brendan's said his piece. I think he's overreacted, but there you go. Doesn't make him a bad person either.

 

[aitchw]

I don't believe either post did much harm.

Claymore's reminiscence is quite understandable and reflective of a natural human response to reminders of our own times of loss. Brendan found it grated with his sensibilities and posted a not too vigorous chide.

Neither has spoiled the sensitive and concerned tone of the thread and I'm sure Becky will have been heartened by the support.

As an aside to Claymore's comments, my own father-in-law's ashes are under several apple trees in the garden of a place dear to his heart. He would be happy to know the potash was doing some good.

 

[snowleopard]

Ignore option

if another user gets on your wick, click on his ID and select 'Ignore this user' subsequently his posts only appear as

*** You are ignoring this user ***

when viewing threads in flat mode.

 

[BlueSkyNick]

Brendan and I have had an exchange of PM's on this subject. Without going into details the whole subject hit us both quite hard, hence the 'crabbit old git' personalities, late at night on the forum.

Nothing more to be said, really.

 

[BlueSkyNick]

Re: Ignore option

I wonder if it tells the 'ignoree' that somebody has selected the option, so they can return the compliment! /forums/images/graemlins/smile.gif

 

[Stingo]

Re: Ignore option

[ QUOTE ]
I wonder if it tells the 'ignoree' that somebody has selected the option, so they can return the compliment! /forums/images/graemlins/smile.gif

[/ QUOTE ]
Why don't you and Brendan try it then?

 

[claymore]

Oops

Well - I've already explained myself on Becky's original thread so if you want to look - its there. I did that before reading this one. Thanks for your support - you all got it as it was intended and apologies to Brendan for any offense caused.

 

[BrendanS]

Re: Oops

tried to pm you, but your quota is exceeded, so can't
My apologies to you too.

 

[powerskipper]

Re: Oops

now shake hands boy and go and play /forums/images/graemlins/grin.gif /forums/images/graemlins/grin.gif

 

[Phoenix of Hamble]

Re: Oops

The response to Becky's post was extraordinary, and this mature and civilised end to a disagreement does you both, and Becky's post, justice.

 

[Woodentop]

Claymore was not wrong.

I find your post perfectly reasonable.

Claymore may have been telling the absolute truth but was castigated for inappropriate levity.

When my father was buried the coffin was too big for the hole in the ground.
We pissed ourselves laughing, as they struggled to stuff him in. A delightfully happy moment on a sad day.

Unfortunately life throws jokes at you at the "wrong" moment.

I support you and Claymore. Grief can have some very odd aspects.

 

[Romeo]

Re: Oops

a touching reconcilliation. Messers Ferguson and Wenger should be referred to this thread to see how it is done.