BruceK-- you C&nt
BruceK-- you C&nt
Anyway folks
This is how it was
Oh!, before that, the tale which I will unfold folks is used regurlarly when we teach folks how not to do it etc etc
And it came to pass in the Year of our Lord (can't remember hactually) lets say-- a few years back
So
A few years back
'K , I am returnin from the IOM tomos you old git' said Tom, of small matchtick boat
'Oh I' says I-- doin nowt, will meet ya a few miles off of Caergybi (that's 'Ollyhead', ney Holyhead, to you Sais bastewards
'We can have a few swiftys tha nose innit'
So I set off in me Nimbus 'Briza' from Dinorwic to meet the ship of small proportions on Her way back from the Isle of Three Legs
Leg one of me Journey was uneventful, I popped through Puffin Sound and 'Briza' was hummin along at 12 knots
'12 knots' I thought--'-friggen Tom will be struggling to make 8' my mind sniggered
By leg two, which was around Point Lynas
Now for those daft enough to read this drivel, said Point is up the top righthand side of Anglesey , where Sea Serpents dwell and it is where Neptune casts of Mermaids who have lost their virginity
As Me Mate Paddy once said 'I just fecked a Mermaid K'! -- 'Pee off Pad' I replied -'Where and how' I said
'Just off of Point Lynas' he said
'She was on the beach and I was chattin to her fer a while, then the tide went out an she was fecked'!!
Anyway
As I was furtlin along, on a course to meet the ship of small dimentions, I noticed me fuel gauge said 'K you numpty, if yer think yer getting alf way to the Place where you wannabe, you wannabe motorcycle racing wannabe, yer best take notice of Me'
Me F gauge said, yer on a quarter full'!!!
'Shiot' says I to me
'Best leg it into Holyhead from here' I says to me
So I alters course
I had made a Passage Plan to miss the overfalls and snot and sticky up stuff that lurk where Neptune lurks and His Mermaid and tease Davey Jones
But not to where I needed to go next because of what Me fuel gauge said
So I did a left hand down a bit and headed for the Head of Holly
Which
Meant me third leg of this passage was inter the realms of where yer don't wanna be when the wind is against the Tide and all that there
There I was then and me boat was bouncing about like a cork in a washin machine
Then the VHF went off, well, not 'off' as it were-- but the call was -- 'Briza, this is Little Ship, Over'
Well me VHF on Briza was in a daft position (more of that again one day) so I didn't reply
Cos by now I was seriously getting battered by the conditions
Then Me mobile rang
'K, where the effin ell are thee' the Skipper of Wooden 'Classic' asked
'Tom, call yer back' I replied 'Getting bashed about, I think one of Neptunes Mermaids is avin an orgasm in me aft cabin and or Neptune imself is avin a go at Her cos me boat is leapin about like demented octopus tryin to fillet a jellyfish blindfolded' but is was the Sea
See the Sea was boilin, I had not planned to be in said area and by there Peeps when its wind against and overfalls it gets messy
But I learned summat
I had throttled back to 5 knots ish and was getting bashed about and was really close inshore in an effort to find a flatter bit of Oggin
A place I hadn't planned to be and I knew there where some stivky up bits and I knew there where lots of lobster pots lurkin
WhatI did did learn, about me boat, if I went a bit quicker. like 8/10 knots She bashed through the snot better like
So I rounded the top of Anglesey and spied Holyhead and its large breakwater but is was still a confused sea by there, isn't it
'Isn't it a learning Curve' One thought to Onself, if'n yer don't Plan properly like
Like I was so glad to reach calmer waters
And thought how Daft I was
I was just enterin Holyhead Marina and looked behind at me back bit of the boat and all the draws an cupboards an fridge an cooker an all that there, had spewed the contents all about the Place
Another lesson learned, it was like the remnants of a Car Boot sale!
Another lesson learned, don't trust effin fuel gauges on a boat, when I 'topped up' next day, She only took 15 litres so I didn't have to alter to a Course I had not planned to
Another lesson learned, have your VHF in a sensible position, mine on Briza was far to starboard and me Helm was to Port
Positioned like so by the previous owner because His Dad sat to starboard and did the VHF stuff and also watched the Radar which was starboard side too!
Another lesson learned
Next day was the return trip to the South of the Island of Anglesey
Forecast was F6 gustin 8!
BUT, from the East, so I went back on the West side of the Island, peace of urine a right good passage and I figured the Tides out too which gave me a good boost Home
BUT then I learned another lesson!
More of that another time, by now you lot who read this load of drivel will be fed up!
So, it's off now, I am teachin peeps on a Course in the Menai Strait, to keep safe and to Plan etc etc etc etc
Oohh Err Missus, poor beggars!!!
:encouragement:
