Can anyone please help me?

lufc71

lufc71

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My dear mother passed away less than 24 hours ago. I made a death-bed promise which I am going to carry out but at the moment have no idea how to achieve it. Hence this thread, as I am sure there are many here who will be able to point me in the right direction.

Almost 50 years ago, my dear father was lost at sea on the Dogger Bank off the North East of England (last known position 55.07.3N 0.59.3E). It has always been my mothers wish that she should be reunited with my father following her death by scattering her ashes at this location.

If you have any ideas as to how I can proceed, or know somebody with a suitable vessel who might like to take a small family party on this very sensitive trip, please PM me.

Many thanks in advance.
 
lufc71 said:
My dear mother passed away less than 24 hours ago. I made a death-bed promise which I am going to carry out but at the moment have no idea how to achieve it. Hence this thread, as I am sure there are many here who will be able to point me in the right direction.

Almost 50 years ago, my dear father was lost at sea on the Dogger Bank off the North East of England (last known position 55.07.3N 0.59.3E). It has always been my mothers wish that she should be reunited with my father following her death by scattering her ashes at this location.

If you have any ideas as to how I can proceed, or know somebody with a suitable vessel who might like to take a small family party on this very sensitive trip, please PM me.

Many thanks in advance.
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I'm guessing your father was a fisherman. If so, try making contact with the local fishermans co-operative, they'll probably be sympathetic to your plan.
 
Once you have the ashes, there is no further need for formalities. Charter a suitable boat, consider what you want to do & do it. I did my father's ashes from the prom at New Brighton where he used to love walking & took my brother & I swimming as kids. I also took a friend's family out in the Straits for a short ceremony on my boat.

Consider wind direction, the scene in "The Big Lebowski" where a gust of wind covers them in their pal's ashes is very realistic and could be upsetting. But it can be a very rewarding & memorable event if you have the right mind set. Be aware that there are a lot of very fine ashes in an urn, for my Dad, we had three specific locations where we wanted to remember him & scattered a smaller amount in the sea.
 
Searush said:
Once you have the ashes, there is no further need for formalities. Charter a suitable boat, consider what you want to do & do it. I did my father's ashes from the prom at New Brighton where he used to love walking & took my brother & I swimming as kids. I also took a friend's family out in the Straits for a short ceremony on my boat.
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Just to re-emphasise the sound advice from Searush. Don't go near any official or commercial organisation - they will inevitably invent all sorts of bureaucratic and costly nonsense. There is nothing to stop you from making the necessary arrangements yourself. I have been involved in two "DIY" ash-scatterings at sea, one from a yacht, the other from a light aircraft.

I would be looking at chartering a sea-angling boat somewhere on the NE coast, - needs to be a decent boat, it's a fair way out. A quick google will find plenty of options.
 
Searush said:
Consider wind direction, the scene in "The Big Lebowski" where a gust of wind covers them in their pal's ashes is very realistic and could be upsetting. ...
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My in-laws were scattered on the beach at Lee on Solent (in the winter) as this was their favourite holiday destination. A wave dumped a considerable quantity of ashes into my wife's wellies. Silence for a moment, then we all burst out laughing.
 
I scattered my dad's ashes in the N Sea last year, and doing it gave final satisfaction to family members.
I would agree a couple of points mentioned above:
1) Do not ask permission or inform any authorities, or involve any commercial operations, it will be a nightmare of expense and bureaucracy.
2) I was careful, and ready, but I still got a faceful of ashes, sneezing and spitting etc, the old sod had the last word..
 
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footsoldier said:
I have been involved in two "DIY" ash-scatterings at sea, one from a yacht, the other from a light aircraft.
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All this talk of wind blowing ashes into faces and wellies - the one out the window of a plane must have been "interesting" from that point of view!

To the OP - an angling or possibly diving boat charter sounds like a good idea. Especially if there will be non-seafaring relatives along, you want something on the larger and more stable side. Otherwise, for them the trip itself will be something of an ordeal if it's anything but flat and windless.

Pete
 
On a lighter note addressing this sombre subject:

This post reminded me of a true tale first posted here in 2005, which I think is worth sharing with the community.

In 1982 I was serving in Her Majesty's submarine Otter, based at Fort Blockhouse, and we were about to depart on a 'steely eyed' patrol to northern waters to watch some other Navy's antics.

Just prior to leaving the wall the squadron operations officer summoned our CO for a final briefing, where he informed the old man that a recently departed admiral (a well known ex-submariner - name witheld for reasons which will become obvious) had expressed a last wish for his ashes to be scattered at sea by an operational boat from our squadron, and that we were to conduct this task, in the Solent, on our way out.

We duly embarked some close members of the admiral's family and the squadron Godbotherer, and sailed in company with an MFV to the allocated area near Horse Sand Fort. The burial party were to be transferred to the MFV on completion and then we could head off to play with the Russians. Ooops! Another navy is what I meant!

Now, on this particular day it was blowing a hooligan, and the bridge of an 'O' class submarine is cramped and uncomfortable to say the least! But, once on station, we managed to get all the relatives and the Padre, along with the officer of the watch up top where they could conduct the ceremony. They got soaked but were undaunted.

Meanwhile, below, the captain thought it would be a good idea if we could use this opportunity to get a few amps into the batteries, so decided he would run the generators.

Up on the bridge the service had just reached the point where the sky pilot says; "....we commit the remains of ***** ***** to the deep", simultaneously tipping the ashes over the side, into the teeth of the gale. At that very moment, the diesel generators roared into life and took an almighty breath in via the snort (snorkel) system and 'swallowed' the ashes of our dear departed friend!

He must have eventually found his way into the sea, but not until he had passed through two 16 cylinder diesel engines!

What a way to go!!!!!
 
Sorry to hear of your loss.

There are now many water soluble urns available, including one made from rock salt. Also floating ones which dissolve in a few minutes and spread the ashes on the water. If it saves some stress on the day they are worth it.
 
nigelmercier said:
My in-laws were scattered on the beach at Lee on Solent (in the winter) as this was their favourite holiday destination. A wave dumped a considerable quantity of ashes into my wife's wellies. Silence for a moment, then we all burst out laughing.
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jerrytug said:
I scattered my dad's ashes in the N Sea last year, and doing it gave final satisfaction to family members.
I would agree a couple of points mentioned above:
1) Do not ask permission or inform any authorities, or involve any commercial operations, it will be a nightmare of expense and bureaucracy.
2) I was careful, and ready, but I still got a faceful of ashes, sneezing and spitting etc, the old sod had the last word..
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Something like this will almost certainly happen, with the right people & attitude (as above) it will make the ceremony that little bit unique & memorable. It can actually help you connect better.

But if people are not able to deal with this, it could be a nightmare & ruin the moment. I don't know if you could prepare people for it, or even be sure how they might react, but if you are forewarned, perhaps you can take the lead in dealing with it & making a friendly & slightly humorous comment as above. I won't forget either of my two little ceremonies, and I look back on them fondly, much as I do on the departed.
 
When an old motorcycling friend died his ashes, in accordance with his wishes were scattered around the TT course in the IOM.

The guy riding the bike with the " Dropper " on the pillion waited untill a bunch of Germans were behind before pulling the string and letting them go.

At Ramsey one of the Germans said he thought something was wrong with the bike as a lot of ash came out of the exhaust and went all over him.

Dear old Fred-who had no love for Germans as he was one of the first to Belsen-had the last laugh!
 
bert49uk said:
Have a quiet word with your local RNLI station they sometimes incorporate ashes drops on an exercise
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That looks to be nearly 50 miles off Whitby. Would the RNLI be exercising so far off-shore?
I agree with the others. Do it privately. Don't involve any organisation.
Bridlington and Whitby look to be the places to enquire.

I had a quick look, but it's a long time since I plotted anything. Is it Brucey's Garden?

Bruceysgarden.jpg
 
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