Brokers' English

[Daydream believer]

Some favourites:

• Light / easy / simple project (delete as appropriate)
• Could be a fantastic boat with a little TLC
• Going on at length about the history of the design when the condition is absolutely shocking
• From the drawing board of…
• Would benefit from some light updating
• Viewing recommended (do many purchase without viewing?)
• Early viewing recommended (this thing is going to hang around for months if not years)
• In-stock (please just get it out of my yard)
• Considered to be a modern classic (obscure old design no longer in demand)
• Listening to the vendor it became clear much had been invested in this yacht during the current period of ownership (barely started project in a field)
• Embrace the timeless allure of sailing (hoping for a clueless first time buyer)
• Rare to the market (another obscure old sh*tter no one can remember)
• Ready to take you anywhere in the world (includes under the sea)
• A much travelled example (clapped out old shoe of a thing)
• The popular 3 cabin version (ex charter)
• Well known locally (a race boat with no good results for years)

There are so many gems. Nearly every ad on Apollo Duck is full of this stuff.

I cannot help wondering how many of those are current forumite darlings that they just do not want to sell because they feel that the broker might undervalue them

 

[srm]

Not so much the words as pictures.
Living as I did in the far north when intending to change my boat I would draw up a list of possibles and plan a route to the south coast to view them. One trip was a total waste of time. All but one boat was a neglected mess with only a passing resemblance to the pictures. The pics were obviously from just after launch/refit or when new to the seller and still cared for. Memories of frying pans with congealed fat in the sink (two boats). A tan sail bleached white showing through a torn cover. etc. etc.

 

[Juan Twothree]

Sounds like Berthon to me.

Some of the Boatshed bods can sometimes get a bit carried away too.

 

[michael_w]

The master at this sort of thing was the estate agent Roy Brooks. ' bijou slum for sale.' Suit professional lady of the night. On another tiny flat, cat swinging machine required.

 

[zoidberg]

OTOH, on a flyer sent round to various SW yacht clubs, to be pinned to the 'Sales and Wants' boards.....

A Rival 34 For Sale Under £20000

What's Wrong With It?
​

A list of the faults followed, then a list of what was right with it.

It sold.

 

[bitbaltic]

At purchase my surveyor told me that my Hanse 301 would be ‘easy to sail for a beginner’. 13 years later I’m still wondering when being a beginner will start.

 

[Arcady]

Not boaty, but I recall an advert in our local paper some years ago: “Renault 5, similar to a rat: grey, dirty, squeaks going round corners”

 

[mrming]

A good one I spotted today: calling Beneteau "Chantiers Beneteau" to make it sound fancier.

 

[jwilson]

Once long, long ago I travelled quite a few hours to look at a boat in Lymington advertised by a then well known broker. One tiny photo, and described as a good example of a design of ply bilge-keeler that I thought would be ideal for my then Bristol Channel mooring and cruising. On arrival at his office in Lymington I was given keys and directions to a field a few miles away. On arrival I spent about 5 minutes there. Mushrooms inside, and mostly grass-green externally, and bits of ply I could probably have poked a finger through had I tried. I left the keys in the cockpit and phoned him the next day with some polite but accurate comments. I am always polite, and try to be accurate.

Now I am a broker. If you look at a boat on Yachtsnet - eg Moody 31 Mk II for sale - Yachtsnet Ltd. online UK yacht brokers - yacht brokerage and boat sales - what you see is what you get!

 

[Poignard]

[....]

Now I am a broker. If you look at a boat on Yachtsnet - eg Moody 31 Mk II for sale - Yachtsnet Ltd. online UK yacht brokers - yacht brokerage and boat sales - what you see is what you get!

How much do you want for the campervan?

 

[jwilson]

Campervan not mine !

 

[mrming]

"Fast becoming a classic"
Demand for this model has dropped like a stone, and this is at best, an average example.

 

[srm]

"keel stepped mast for stability"

The boat's stability or the mast's stability? and what does this gem add to the description? Other than alert any potential buyer that the broker does not know much about his product.

 

[onesea]

As a person who is often found lost in the world of Facebook (where I found my present boat):

If it has a cabin it's liveaboard,
If it has a keel it's a blue water cruiser.

I love some of the "unfinished projects" out there.
If it has an interior painted white or other colour it's been modernised,
If it's striped it's unfinished project many parts available,
Part complete - no longer have time to finish,
Storm damage picture of minor damage - that you know is structural,

These can on occasional be found recycling through the above

Occasionally you see one and think ohh nice. It's normally sold in a few days, as was mine.

Sometimes they reappear as any of the above