Brokers' English

[zoidberg]

Having just spent a morning leafing through the current 'Yachting World' while my Bank Holiday coffee cools, I am still chuckling at the high-faluting language used by some brokers.... and not for the first time.

How about these? "2016 mile-muncher", "for you to see, touch and write a cheque for", "you don't get more Dutch without clogs", "price reduced to this embarassingly small number"...

No names, no pack drill! What are your favourite broker's hyperboles?

 

[RivalRedwing]

'world-girdling' when referring to a boat from the 1970's with clapped out sails and the original engine, which even in its prime was only used for day sails

 

[Poignard]

 

[Tradewinds]

Having just spent a morning leafing through the current 'Yachting World' while my Bank Holiday coffee cools, I am still chuckling at the high-faluting language used by some brokers.... and not for the first time.

How about these? "2016 mile-muncher", "for you to see, touch and write a cheque for", "you don't get more Dutch without clogs", "price reduced to this embarassingly small number"...

No names, no pack drill! What are your favourite broker's hyperboles?

Sounds like Berthon to me.

 

[ridgy]

Definitely Berthon, can't beat a skinny asking price.

 

[Poignard]

Not only yacht brokers.

Years ago I used to buy Motor Sport magazine and there was an advertiser who styled himself "Purveyor of Horseless Carriages to the Nobility".

If a car had some tread left on its tyres he described it as being "Well-shod".

FFS!

 

[sarabande]

A local house "broker" described a cranky small cottage with a HUGE pylon in an extended back garden as "Close to Mains amenities".

 

[westernman]

My new to me house is close to internet fibre.

In fact there is a pole marked Orange outside of my property with fibre optic cable on it.

But my house is not yet connectable to internet, because Orange can't be bothered yet.
They are driven by % of population coverage figures and adding my place out in the country side does not help them much.

Connecting up a block of flats with 50+ units in it, takes no more work and they get 125 euros per flat they make fibre available inside it (not necessarily used) and it improves their % of population connected or connectable measure a lot more than connecting me up.

I can get a FFTO connection from another supplier - but then I have to pay to string 5 kms of fibre optic cable through the country side to their nearest connection point. Which is bloody expensive.

 

[srm]

Back to brokers. Very surprised when the broker selling my last boat tried to find a none existent HIN for a part 1 Bill of Sale where the form asked for "Official Number". Left me wondering how long they had been in the business as I gently pointed out exactly what was required. They then spelt the seller's name the wrong way and the form was rejected.

 

[doug748]

A mate of mine married early and bought his first house for 250 quid. One of these:



The estate agent's sheet said:

"Sunny outdoor area to the rear with gardener's toilet"


.

 

[Goldie]

Same broker as many of the above I suspect but “never put away wet”.

This broker guilty of hyperbole possibly; I prefer b*******s…

 

[xyachtdave]

Having just spent a morning leafing through the current 'Yachting World' while my Bank Holiday coffee cools, I am still chuckling at the high-faluting language used by some brokers.... and not for the first time.

How about these? "2016 mile-muncher", "for you to see, touch and write a cheque for", "you don't get more Dutch without clogs", "price reduced to this embarassingly small number"...

No names, no pack drill! What are your favourite broker's hyperboles?

I posted a thread about the Berthon adds in YW a few years ago, I like reading them, in fact I've not bought it for a while but bought one at Gatwick last week and read those very same lines to my partner!

My favourite is something along the lines of 'Fresh from the egg in 1995, having undergone a recent refit she gleams and has the go faster gear for when you want to floor it,' with of course as mentioned above 'a very skinny ask'.

 

[Buck Turgidson]

The first thing I do when watching a berthon’s vid on youtube is hit mute. They do great walkthroughs but Madam’s voice drives me through the roof. “ no runners here”

 

[38mess]

Surprisingly spacious below

 

[Biggles Wader]

Surprisingly spacious below

I met a woman in Hamburg like that.

 

[dombuckley]

Having just spent a morning leafing through the current 'Yachting World' while my Bank Holiday coffee cools, I am still chuckling at the high-faluting language used by some brokers.... and not for the first time.

How about these? "2016 mile-muncher", "for you to see, touch and write a cheque for", "you don't get more Dutch without clogs", "price reduced to this embarassingly small number"...

No names, no pack drill! What are your favourite broker's hyperboles?

“Requires cosmetic work” = scrap for the engine;
“Much recent work” = unfinished project;
And to “Regularly maintained” add “not so’s you’d notice”.

Sometimes simplicity is the best approach. When I bought my boat nearly 30 years ago, the entire broker's spiel was "West Country 6 tonner, 1957. Lovely boat."

 

[wonkywinch]

"Future classic"

Cotswold estate agents who can't resist describing houses as "handsome".

 

[V1701]

No word of a lie I once saw an ad which stated of the boat (which was out of the water) "the hull is watertight which we know because it is full of water and none is leaking out"...

You couldn't make it up...

And this, from a current ad for a manky old narrowboat:

"Discover the epitome of tranquil living with our meticulously crafted narrowboat, powered by a reliable BMC 1.5 litre engine that promises smooth cruising through picturesque waterways. This stunning vessel is your gateway to a world of adventure and relaxation, combining comfort, functionality, and sustainability in one extraordinary package.

Step inside to a world of refined elegance. The spacious saloon offers a cozy galley, perfect for whipping up your favorite meals. The well-appointed wetroom guarantees convenience, while the luxurious double bedroom invites you to unwind after a day of exploration.

Embrace sustainable living with a 170w solar panel that bathes your narrowboat in clean, renewable energy. The 3 leisure batteries, coupled with an advanced MPPT charge controller, effortlessly power LED lights, a water pump, and even a convenient cigarette lighter socket for charging your phones on the go.

Chase away the chill with the Morso Squirrel stove, an iconic addition that infuses warmth and ambiance. Imagine cozy evenings, curled up with a book, as the gentle crackling of the fire soothes your senses. This vessel is equipped with a 2-ring hob and grill, powered by a reliable gas system. Enjoy home-cooked meals that rival any restaurant, all while taking in stunning waterfront views.

Rest easy knowing that this exceptional narrowboat comes with a boat safety certificate valid until 2026, meeting stringent safety standards and ensuring worry-free voyage."

Got to be on some serious sh*t to write that lot...

 

[Daydream believer]

No word of a lie I once saw an ad which stated of the boat (which was out of the water) "the hull is watertight which we know because it is full of water and none is leaking out"...

You couldn't make it up...

And this, from a current ad for a manky old narrowboat:

"Discover the epitome of tranquil living with our meticulously crafted narrowboat, powered by a reliable BMC 1.5 litre engine that promises smooth cruising through picturesque waterways. This stunning vessel is your gateway to a world of adventure and relaxation, combining comfort, functionality, and sustainability in one extraordinary package.

Step inside to a world of refined elegance. The spacious saloon offers a cozy galley, perfect for whipping up your favorite meals. The well-appointed wetroom guarantees convenience, while the luxurious double bedroom invites you to unwind after a day of exploration.

Embrace sustainable living with a 170w solar panel that bathes your narrowboat in clean, renewable energy. The 3 leisure batteries, coupled with an advanced MPPT charge controller, effortlessly power LED lights, a water pump, and even a convenient cigarette lighter socket for charging your phones on the go.

Chase away the chill with the Morso Squirrel stove, an iconic addition that infuses warmth and ambiance. Imagine cozy evenings, curled up with a book, as the gentle crackling of the fire soothes your senses. This vessel is equipped with a 2-ring hob and grill, powered by a reliable gas system. Enjoy home-cooked meals that rival any restaurant, all while taking in stunning waterfront views.

Rest easy knowing that this exceptional narrowboat comes with a boat safety certificate valid until 2026, meeting stringent safety standards and ensuring worry-free voyage."

Got to be on some serious sh*t to write that lot...

Did you buy it?

 

[mrming]

Some favourites:

• Light / easy / simple project (delete as appropriate)
• Could be a fantastic boat with a little TLC
• Going on at length about the history of the design when the condition is absolutely shocking
• From the drawing board of…
• Would benefit from some light updating
• Viewing recommended (do many purchase without viewing?)
• Early viewing recommended (this thing is going to hang around for months if not years)
• In-stock (please just get it out of my yard)
• Considered to be a modern classic (obscure old design no longer in demand)
• Listening to the vendor it became clear much had been invested in this yacht during the current period of ownership (barely started project in a field)
• Embrace the timeless allure of sailing (hoping for a clueless first time buyer)
• Rare to the market (another obscure old sh*tter no one can remember)
• Ready to take you anywhere in the world (includes under the sea)
• A much travelled example (clapped out old shoe of a thing)
• The popular 3 cabin version (ex charter)
• Well known locally (a race boat with no good results for years)

There are so many gems. Nearly every ad on Apollo Duck is full of this stuff.