Best headline ever...

[jimi]

in my view was several years ago in the Sun

Super Caley are fantastic, Celtic are atrocious!

wonder what brought that to the top of the memory pile again?

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[RTB]

I think it was actually - "Super Caley go ballistic, Celtic are atrocious" - but I didn't think they were that bad

<hr width=100% size=1>Ssgoodthis....intit?

 

[jhr]

My favourite has nothing to do with football and comes from the Winchester and Bishop's Waltham Observer - a rather, ahem, quirky local freesheet. It sounds incredibly contrived but is, I promise, true.

The story concerned the fact that the cleaner at a local bird of prey sanctuary was using a vacuum cleaner at night in the bird pens and couldn't put the lights on, particularly in the cages where the kestrels were kept. The headline, immediately recognisable to lovers of '80s electropop everywhere, was "Hawk kestrel man hoovers in the dark"

Favourite headline of 2003? Dunno yet but I'm hoping that it will involve Saints stuffing somebody in the FA Cup final. ;-)

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[sailbadthesinner]

Lichfield Post
Local laundry owner by name of Nuts who having got TWO of his laundry girls pregnant , scarpers the country

headline

NUTS SCREWS WASHERS AND BOLTS

<hr width=100% size=1><font color=red>I can't walk on water, but I do run on Guinness</font color=red>

 

[Twister_Ken]

Boys enter your girlfriends

From a Northern Echo Beauty contest feature.

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[Ohdrat]

or even Hooway 5 O (from Hawai 5 O) when Newcastle United beat Man U 5 nil.. now that was a match to behold..

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[VicS]

Some years ago in our local rag....Sheep attacks rocket

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[Cornishman]

Western Morning News had a similar leader by Martin Hesp last Saturday.......

Allies Push Bottles Up Germans Rear
Monty Flies Back to Front
are two from WW2.

A Tony James, a one time Fleet Street editor, has a collection on the subject with such gems as 'Man Fired From Cannon Hits Wife' and 'Detective Kept Watch on Head'

.and for Jimi, in today's WMN 'Johnson is Key to England's Success'



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[davidhand]

How about "rings around uranus" from the San Francisco Chronicle science section.

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[extravert]

After the Queen Mary encountered some unpleasant weather at sea...

'Giant waves down Queen Mary's funnel'

<hr width=100% size=1>Adventures of the <A target="_blank" HREF=http://www.xrayted.fsnet.co.uk>Teddy Bear Boat</A>

 

[jamesjermain]

I live in Winchester and I've never heard of the Winchester and Bishop's Waltham Observer - and I used to work for the local newpaper group where we had a cuttings book in which we had an original of the NUT SCREWS WASHER AND BOLTS headline

<hr width=100% size=1>JJ

 

[jhr]

Pretty sure that\'s what it\'s called

Delivery is a bit patchy - it comes through the door for a few weeks, stops and then starts again and has been going for a couple of years (well, round my way, anyway).

Looks slightly like it's run by a bunch of ageing hippies with reviews of how great their mates' bands are and a weekly, fiercely partisan sports column by "Big Bri" Quantrill, about how wonderful Saints and Hampshire are. Also some hilarious vox pop interviews, usually with people in Winchester High St, so I'd guess their resources are limited. Their news reportage is actually quite good.

P'raps I've got the name wrong, but I'm sure it's something like that. This isn't a wind-up, honest!

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[DMW]

Three favourites:

1. From the Independent's sports pages some years ago, talking about the appointment of a new Welsh rugby captain in favour of a competitor:

Jones Overlooked as Wales Install Bridges

2. From an article reporting library problems in Essex:

Book Lack In Ongar

3. And, of course, the Sun's reporting of the Millenium Dome diamond robbery

We're Only Here for De Beers

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[Gordonmc]

Story about local farmers selling breeding boars to USA:

Scots pigs fly to save Yanks' bacon.

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[jhr]

Slight Correction

It's now called the Mid Hampshire Observer <A target="_blank" HREF=http://>http://www.hantsmedia.co.uk/</A>.

Worth a look.

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[milltech]

In my Birmingham youth this sign, "nuts screws washers and bolts", was jokingly said to be on the sign outside GKN's factory. I'm sure it wasn't so of course, that would have been too good, but it was a great schoolboy smutty giggle.

<hr width=100% size=1>John
<A target="_blank" HREF=http://www.allgadgets.co.uk>http://www.allgadgets.co.uk</A>

 

[sailbadthesinner]

Re: Simon and Garfunkle in Trouble over Bridgwater

True i am sure

<hr width=100% size=1><font color=red>I can't walk on water, but I do run on Guinness</font color=red>

 

[Sybarite]

What about the one about Ghandi who was always walking around in his bare feet and getting callouses on them. As well, because of his frequent hunger strikes he unfortunately suffered from rather bad breath :

"Super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.."

John

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