Beautiful Boat

claymore

claymore

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In Ardfern there is a boat named Kwite. (I think!)
She is around 43 ft long and at first I shought she was a Swan - the model ws on the hull and read Jon something - I wish I could remember what the something was.
Absolutely beautiful boat.
Any Clues?
 
Whoa
We're not at that stage yet - the old boats haven't been sold and planning permission hasn't been sought
Plus LongJohn and I need to agree a strategy on how much we say we've paid for it
 
Ok, theres a nice looking one in Massachusetts, 210,000 US Dollars. In sterling that's er quite a lot. Then we need to get it back to UK - there again, Jimi and Machurley will probably do that for nothing.
So if we part-ex Claymore, Artful Dodger and one of the wives - we're almost there!
 
Without being unkind - I think Dear Heart is probably worth more if I keep her. She's a mean hand with a pan and if we are off playing on our boat we'll need cakes and stuff.
Yours is the costly one always off buying horses and hobnobbing with the Cheshire Hoipoloi
Couldn't we just sell a few horses off and I'll rustle some of the M.I.L's cattle.
 
Lunatic boat-buying strategy

I think i can help here. You simply tell her you've had a bit of an odd day, sorry dear bu anyway there's not getting around it but fabulous boat, you only live once darling, i don't know what on earth i was thinking of and i'm not at all sure how we'll manage - i've put down a deposit on a New Boat which costs £whatever. Then shut up.

EITHER she goes utterly mental, in which case you hurridley rush outside , gabble into a mobile phone and say phew yes i can get the money back.

OR ...she goes all quiet, and say mm well i don't need to etc etc and i cd always save on etc etc and there's er that money i hadn't told you about and any way , this boat ..WHAT'S IT LIKE? At this point you tell her the mostly nice girly thing about it like "three loos" or "blue carpet" or whatever you think might turn her on and she is HOOKED.

The great thing about this is you don't need to bother with actually buying the boat - That comes later.

BUT BE CAREFUL! cos this works. Which is why we have humungous boat and live in a council flat ...
 
aim high - and how to come home from the pub

yeah well that's the problem innit? Midget sounds like "midge" dunnit. You should have bought a ferrari testosterone or similar.

My next bit of optimistic advice concerns the Very Late Night Return. Usually this involves "quietly" crashing around downstairs and then "quietly" getting reaedy for bed and crashing about, folowed by oh it's you and what the hell time is this etc etc.

MUCH better, is to get in with confident style (once found the key) and slam the front door shut with some force, then shout up the stairs "Heyrup with with you my woman, it's time for some fun so getyer knickersoff!" which pretty much guarantees she'll be sound asleep and not utter a word till way gone daybreak ...

This also works, but I fear that with yer flipin MG midget scenario you may be reluctant to try - yet "Alphonse" would have no such caution, surely?
 
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