Baby on the way - the end of sailing???

[robmurray]

The good news is that a baby is on the way. The bad news is that everyone is telling me that I will have to stop sailing for a few years. We cruise an X412 based in Hamble and are very experienced. Plan is (was?) to go long term cruising in a few years. Does anyone have experience of successfully sailing with baby / small child?

 

[fergie_mac66]

Read Rosie Darling and Children of Cape Horn
by Rosie Swale
You need a different boat

 

[bromleybysea]

We had two children in quick succession- 15 months apart and continued to sail with them. Easier when they are very little than when they are a bit older. It's always puzzled me why so many people give up sailing when they have children- babies have very simple needs and don't mind passage-making. When they get a bit older they prefer short trips and a beach at the end of it. Some of the very best times we had on the boat, and as a familiy, were when the children were little. Now when they get to be teenagers.....

 

[T_C]

Shouldn't stop you

Congratulations.

We took our eldest out when she was less than a week old, and the youngest not much older than that, so it needn't stop you sailing altogether.

Main thing is to adjust your expectations accordingly, and if possible make short passages of 2 to 3 hours. Also get to know where you can moor up within easy reach of a swing park, works a treat. We bought a very cheap "stroller" type pushchair that lived in the cockpit locker without taking up too much space, and was useful for reaching said parks.
We used to strap an old baby's car seat onto the dinette table in the Sadler 25, facing aft, and they would spend many a happy hour or so strapped in but being able to see us in the cockpit.
We adapted the quarter berth with a sort of lee cloth which made a cosy and secure bunk.

Best thing is it gets them used to boating and being on the boat, so if your plan is to go long term cruising they will already know the score.

I'm sure other folk will be along with shortly with some other tips, enjoy!

 

[seabright]

....or is it the start?

We returned to sailing with the birth of our daughter - it seemed a good way to enjoy the outdoors togther. Bought a sadler 26 and went sailing for 8 weeks when she was 4months old. Relaxed trip without any pressure - cruised the channel islands, the south coast and then up to Scotland. Weather was very very kind. Our focus was to 'make it work' rather than doing a trip and it wouldn't have mattered if we had just pottered about. Babies are extremely adaptable - we just had to work a few things out. A safe place down below and in the cockpit is a must. We used a baby seat clipped in to attchment points. This means that if something happens that needs both of your attention then you don't worry about the safety of your dearest. He/she may complain when this happens but we found that they soon learn what's what and adapt to what you are doing.
We sailed regularly for the next 3 years and made sure that the boat meant some fun. We then bought a bigger boat (35 foot long keeler traditional) and have just arrived in New Zealand after a great 18 months sailing from the UK. Some lessons from this:

1. Kids need structure especially on passage when you need your down time. Beth had quiet time for a while in the morning and afternoon. She learnt to play imaginatively and quietly which has stood her in very good stead now she is in school. Consistency meant that this was expected and accepted. Lots of mucking about the rest of the time though.
2. They are much more capable than landlife would have you believe. Get them involved. Thay like little bits of responsibility.
3. Safety rules are alway adhered to - no exceptions. If you make this flexible depnding on conditions then long 'discussion' will break out.
4. Treats and surprise packages - preferable wrapped.
5. Open spaced down below can cause problems hence we went for a slim traditional boat with lots of low handholds. I think you could work around this no matter waht boat you had.

Beth loved the trip - the time as a family, the other kids on other boats / shore, the snorkling and swimming, the old fashioned playing out. She still isn't interested in dvd's etc and would prefer to be outside. Don't get me wrong, it can be hard work but this is true no matter where you are.

Good luck.

 

[TiggerToo]

The good news is that a baby is on the way. The bad news is that everyone is telling me that I will have to stop sailing for a few years. We cruise an X412 based in Hamble and are very experienced. Plan is (was?) to go long term cruising in a few years. Does anyone have experience of successfully sailing with baby / small child?

congratulations. End of sailing? Absolutely not. Just a change in style. Like everything else in your life - if you are a responsible parent, that is.

We are not a full time cruising family, but Celia (our youngest) learnt to walk in the boat and on the pontoons (really). And as others have said, it is one of the very few activities one can really enjoy together as a FAMILY. I gave up rock climbing because that really was a bit difficult to do with a 6month old baby (mum did not want to leave here at the bottom of the rock face, waiting for us to absail down...)

 

[ianat182]

As long as Mum still wants to go sailing the children can and will adapt to life on board. As above get them involved with their 'very important' duties,with lots of praise.
Keeping the pencils and some old wallpaper roll below with a display board for each trip's efforts. Do keep wearing your lifejackets so they copy and accept as normal .
For very small babies I suggest a hammock with straps.
Enjoy them whilst they are youngsters,they grow up too quickly. Main thing is to keep SWMBO happy too !




ianat182

 

[Phoenix of Hamble]

Far from it....

it will just change the way you sail.....

Our experience is that sailing with young children can be an absolute pleasure....

fun on beaches, in dinghies, in the water.... the world will be your oyster...

You'll no longer sail with a 6 in the forecast, but will discover a whole set of new places that you previously didn't visit...

We abolutely love sailing with the kids on board... and with them having grown up (they are now young teenagers) on or around the water, they are absolutely at home on the boat...

Your friend's advice is just plain wrong!

 

[snowleopard]

Read Rosie Darling and Children of Cape Horn
by Rosie Swale
You need a different boat

Frankly I always thought Rosie Swale was a bit of a fruitcake. IMHO the best books about sailing with kids are Daughters of the Wind and Children of Cape Horn by David Lewis..

 

[misterg]

Frankly I always thought Rosie Swale was a bit of a fruitcake. ...

Having been a (distant) neighbour of hers many years ago, I can only agree...

To the OP:

Congratulations! I strongly recommend Kids in the Cockpit (ISBN-13: 978-0713672299). It doesn't have any earth shattering observations, but does manage (IMHO) to put all the advice into very good practical context without being 'preachy' or blindly optimistic. I bought it this year after seeing it recommended on here and although our kids are older (one is a teenager) it still gave me a lot of food for thought. Wish I'd read it years ago.

Andy

 

[Tradewinds]

The good news is that a baby is on the way. The bad news is that everyone is telling me that I will have to stop sailing for a few years. We cruise an X412 based in Hamble and are very experienced. Plan is (was?) to go long term cruising in a few years. Does anyone have experience of successfully sailing with baby / small child?

We left to go long-term cruising when my daughter was 22 months and my son was 5.

My wife and I were both experienced coastal sailors before children came on the scene and were were cruising to the Channel Is when my son was 3 months.

It was hard work at times - the boat was full of Lego and cuddly toys - but great fun all the same. As to heavy weather, we had our share on our travels but the kids seemed to take it in their stride - in fact some days the bouncier it got the bouncier they got .

I wouldn't be put off by the new arrival - enjoy.

 

[benjenbav]

I think it's the sleep deprivation and lack of money caused by babies that is the main factor in people giving up for a while.

 

[Boat44]

TC et al have it spot on.

We took our daughter on her first sail when she was about a month old. I then bought a 44 footer as 27 was much too small for us, little one and my dad (our normal crew line up).

You have to manage your plans and be very flexable in them as others have said. We don't go out if its forcast F6 or above unless we are reaching (daughter is now 5 and wont put up with it!) A beach near by is ideal. Fill a locker with books, playdo, lego, games, cuddly toys etc!! it is then theirs. DVD is also a very good idea.

It is far easier when they are small. Just leave them in the mosses basket/car seat. Job done!! We know and have met a lot of people who have sailed/liveaboard/cruise the world with kids from 0 years and up!

When they are older, some simple rules like; always wear a lifejacket when on deck, always clipped on when out of the cockpit, never get off the boat without an adult present, and no playing around hatches, companion ways. We are fairly stricket about this and our daughter will now remind us about them when we forget!

When they are old enough give them little jobs to do. Putting mooring lines on cleats, stearing the dinghy, etc. gets them involved and makes them feel part of it. But most importantly gets them trained up to get you back from the pub when you are too p***ed to drive the dinghy!

So, absolutely no reason to stop. In fact, even more reason to go. (Don't forget the boat is more child proof than your house!)

 

[Roberto]

no

I think the choice is very personal, but technically no, there is no reason to stop. We sail with two daughters, now 5.5 and 2 year old, and have sailed with them since they were born (here the second one, 1 week old)

this summer we have cruised the Spanish rias for one month and had a wonderful time.
I crossed Biscay with a few friends, while wife and daughters flew direct to Santiago de compostela a few weeks later. I thought it was the most sensible thing to do.

I guess each couple organizes things differently, myself and swmbo have tried sharing everything (navigation and kids related things) 50/50 but found it did not work for us: now I take care of the boat and she takes care of the daughter, almost exclusiverly. Except when everyone is seasick in which case I have to do everything.

I personally have found sailing with the family significantly more... difficult, demanding than sailing singlehanded, but then it's a matter of getting used to it, then the joy of sharing wonderful moments together wipes away all kind of practical, individual concerns.

This summer was a sort of general rehearsal, as we have not divorced and everyone has been happy, I am now bringing the boat to winter in Seville, next May we will leave all together for a 1+ year sabbatical, the plus sign means if everything goes well and we find a suitable place we won't mind changing completely our lifestyle for a few years.

Anyway, enjoy it, they are young just once in their lives

A few more pictures about how things work aboard here

http://sybrancaleone.blogspot.com/2009/02/bimbi-in-barca.html

 

[jason -and the arguenauts]

Depends on the sort of sprog you get. Some of them do an awful lot of crying, enough to give you a real understanding of why some people crack and baby battering happens. If you get one of these, then the last place yopu want to be is on a small boat where you cant get away from the noise that goes through you.

If on the other hand you get one that sleeps a lot and gurgles the rest of the time, all you have to worry about is getting used to single handing in company. The (washable) nappies you can hang on the guardrail to dry and you'll never be bothered by people wanting to raft to you. For that matter you wont be bothered either if you have to stock disposeable nappies until you can get rid ashore.

Problems come when it changes from being a sprog into a rug rat and it becomes mobile.

 

[Boreades]

I second Morgana and Roberto's comments.

We had our two children just 15 months apart c.12 years ago. We've given up on the two-handed night trips across the channel in a force 6 (etc). But one month after #2 was born, we were back sailing in Plymouth Sound with #1 in a car seat strapped to the rail. I got to practice my solo abilities at short-tacking while #2 was being breast-fed by SHMBO in the lounge cabin. The "ready about" drill we devised was nothing like the one on the RYA's Competant Crew course, but it kept every safe, sound and happy, with hardly any stop in the feeding.

For the first few years we just had a floating caravan in Plymouth, with tiny "trips round the bay" in force 1/2. But gradually and bit by bit as their confidence and ability has increased, we're extending our cruising range up and down the coast, weather permitting. The most important lesson we leant was - DON'T FRIGHTEN THEM!!!

This year, my son is still the one with the "weakest stomach" but he still wants to sail with us, even after loosing his breakfast over the side on the way to Dartmouth in F3/4. We always try and rehearse each manouvre with the children involved well before we do it, it makes everything more relaxed and enjoyable. "We want to tack again, Daddy!!!"

The great think about having happy children on the boat when you get to a new port is they do all the introductions for you, and you have new friends and neigbours before you know it.

 

[Boreades]

I forgot to add, make sure you have plenty of locker space
a) in the cabin/lounge for childrens' toys, games, books, comics, crayons, pencils, pens etc etc etc
b) in the cockpit for beach toys, shrimp net, crab line, lobster pot, wet suits etc etc etc

Also, upgrade your boat electrics with invertor etc for when they want their Nintendo DS etc recharged (every day)

 

[bedouin]

I doubt if the people who are telling you to stop sailing have actually tried it

Certainly for the first year or so of the first child you should have no problems at all so just keep sailing (our oldest was about 20 days old when he first went sailing). After that a lot will depend on you, the boat, and the child(ren). All children are different - some take to it and some don't.

On the face of it an X412 is not the ideal family boat - but at least you should have a fair amount of space. There are times when sailing with a mother and baby is worse than single handing so you should make sure that the boat is set up with that in mind.

The only piece of concrete advice I would give is that from day 1 you need to ensure that there is always somewhere totally safe for the baby where they can be strapped in if necessary - most people have a car seat secured in the cabin.

 

[robmurray]

Thank you all for your advice and encouragement. Our mindset is that sailing will change but the little one will add to it different things which are special. I will keep checking for other advice that anyone has. Cheers
Rob

 

[BelleSerene]

Others have pretty much said it all. I might add:
* When really young they sleep most of the time, so a comfortable berth below decks with pillows stacked up or a leecloth (depending on the weather and whether you're beating!) work well for 80% of the time. Oh, and the motion at sea puts them to sleep anyway. Both my wife and I were very happy with this.
* When a little older, we put a travel bed (one of those collapsible rectangular things 2' wide by 4' long and 3' high) inside a lee cloth for some safe space to wander inside.
* We tended to hold our children a lot as infants - no prams for us - and in fair conditions in the cockpit this still works well. We always insisted on a life jacket (OK, at that age my wife would tend to hold her naked in fair conditions).
* Once they start 'cruising' - standing up against a surface and walking supported - you have a safety problem. That's when you absolutely need life jackets. We tied a cord to the back of one and either tied it on deck or looped it round an adult's wrist.
* Some cockpits are safer than others. Our first boat had a tiller: not a smart idea around people as high as the tiller. It also had a traveller car right across the cockpit. This (a) restricted crawling space to a cramped area and (b) posed a ghastly risk for little fingers. This forced a (convenient!) change of boat.
* Once they are capable of feeling uncomfortable, they hate life jackets until you can fit the junior inflatable ones. The fixed ones like a fat buoyance aid create a temper tantrum. We had this with two girls in succession and still find it with friends' smaller offspring.
* Once they can walk and climb they love playing down below and making a den of the forecabin. In reasonable sailing conditions we consider this perfectly safe.
* Mum's attitude is crucial. I still find (ours are turning 6 and 8) that Mum gets stressed about the girls getting bored, way before the girls would otherwise complain of boredom, especially if you are playing a game with them (word game, spot the buoy etc.)
* Nonetheless, passages are best restricted to 2 hours or so with a reward (running on a lawn at the other end/ going somewhere fun and special). Sailing days become a compromise between enjoying the sail, and giving a quid pro quo to the wife & kids - and my wife loves sailing!
* Finally, seasickness can be masked by their inability to communicate. We found for years that our younger child turned into an adult's lap and fell asleep in the cockpit almost within minutes of departing. At first this struck us as convenient for us and pleasant for our daughter. Eventually we realised that she was feeling seasick; this was her solution to it.
* Speaking of seasickness, whilst it's a great idea to give the kids something to do on board, drawing on paper on the cockpit table (or anywhere else for that matter) is not a good idea. It brings on seasickness really quickly.

Good luck!