Audit trails and F.Christmas

[claymore]

I've now been fully trained and am attempting to run audit trails for all activities boating on the software that came with the course. The worst case scenario came to mind which is that Dear Heart stumbles upon my findings and gains insight into the amount of money and time devoted to Claymore by good self.

I'd wanted to do this to familiarise myself with the software in order that I might become a more productive manager and add value to my role at work thus giving my employers a better return on their investment.

In an idle moment - not many of those in a Claymore day I can assure you - I wondered whether Father Christmas will need to run audit trails. I'm sure there has to be more to his job than sweeping up reindeer pooh and nipping up and down chimneys.
In order to ask some fairly testing and searching questions - how many falorumites are expecting a visit on 24/25/12? I could run a model on my expensive software which could tell me just how productive F.Christmas is - factoring in mileage between chimneys and elapsed time from Toyland.
The worst case scenario should also be mentioned at this stage - it may prove that one person cannot possibly do all this work and thus subscribe to the theory that F.Christmas is a myth.
Perhaps I'd better not bother

<hr width=100% size=1><font color=purple>regards
Claymore<font color=purple>
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http://www.whoi.edu/services/facilities/CLAYMORE/

 

[Office_Bound]

Claymore

You will never prove Father C is a myth. Even if you calculate chimmneys, distance etc because we all know time is expandable. Everyone knows that a job will take as long as the time allowed so it stands to reason that if time expands in this way it can also shrink to allow the number of jobs to be done in the time allowed. Afterall there is a precident for this in the bible. Just consider how many people believe in that (alsa I dont and I think this is where my theory breaks down)

I wonder if that is why I did so badly in my Physics at school, my theories are just so oput there that they have not been considered.

Office Bound

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[Ohdrat]

As I expecting no less than 3 visits from Santa in 3 different locations I expect the amount of paper / electronic work that I generate for Mrs Santa exceeds the value of the pressies from each of my 3 Christmases!

As a result multiple Christmases will be legislated against waisting further Parliamentary time on useless laws never mind faceless Civil Servants time regulating Christmas. This will incur huge rifts in the country and generate universal anger.

All in the spirit of Christmas

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[longjohnsadler]

I think its time to get out a bit more.

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[Stemar]

Re: Audit trails

A bright, young, fresh-out-of-school auditor just joined the IRS, excited to begin tracking down high-powered offenders-just as the Enron or Anxious for his first high-powered audit, he was a bit dismayed when is assignment was to audit a Rabbi.
Looking over the books and taxes were pretty straight forward, and the Rabbi clearly very frugal, so he thought he'd make his day interesting by having a little fun with the Rabbi.

"Rabbi," he said, "I noticed that you buy a lot of candles."

"Yes," answered the Rabbi.

"Well, Rabbi, what do you do with the candle drippings?" he asked.

"A good question," noted the Rabbi. "We actually save them up and when we have enough, we send them back to the candle maker. And every now and then, they send us a free box of candles."

"Oh," replied the auditor somewhat disappointed that his unusual question actually had a practical answer. So he thought he'd go on, in his obnoxious way...

"Rabbi, what about all these matzo purchases? What do you do with the crumbs from the matzo?"

"Ah, yes," replied the Rabbi calmly, "we actually collect up all the crumbs from the matzo and when we have enough, we send them in a box back to the manufacturer and every now and then, they send a box of matzo balls."

"Oh," replied the auditor, thinking hard how to fluster the Rabbi.

"Well, Rabbi," he went on, "what do you do with all the foreskins from the circumcisions?"

"Yes, here too, we do not waste," answered the Rabbi. "What we do is save up all the foreskins, and when we have enough we actually send them to the I.R.S."

"The I.R.S.?," questioned the auditor in disbelief.

"Ahh, yes," replied the Rabbi, "the I.R.S. ...and about once a year, they send us a little prick like you."


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[tugboat]

Most houses today are built without chimneys. What's Father Christmas supposed to do? I tell ya, the world's gone to hell in a handbasket!

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[jimi]

Should'nt that be F audir trails and xmas? my Epirb purchase has just been spotted

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[Gunfleet]

I've got one of those. I've never used it. Useless.

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[jimi]

If the signal's spotted as quickly as the purchase and the consequent reaction it'll be well worth it

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