anyone else suffer with underwear malfunctions?

Adz

Adz

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I had a bit of a nightmare regarding the underware department during my time in Afghanistan in 2011. We had been out on a patrol since 0400 and after walking a fair distance we had to spend most of the afternoon sat in a shallow ditch while IEDs were cleared. During this time we ate our rations drank water smoked, kept watch chatted and did the usual stuff while on patrol. So at about 1630 I needed to tend to a call of nature. All was quiet so I took cover behind a tree that was about the width of a telegraph pole lay on my side in the shallow ditch and shuffled about in order to get into a position to take a wee without fouling myself and making myself an easy target. So with body armour ballistic pants and ballistic nappy around my nether regions it's quite an effort. Anyway halfway through the euphoria of discharging a much needed piss, all hell broke loose. The tree in front of me exploded as rounds hit it and dust kicked up all around the ditch as bullets fizzed past. Nightmare what next, well I responded with some rounds aimed at the firing point, so caught with the dilemma of getting the boys back in the barracks or carrying on with the firefight . So after a few more rounds were exchanged between our patrol and the bad guys I thought how's the time to sort my self out....no all I could do was continue the fight with the rest of our patrol with my jewels on display much to the amusement to the rest of the lads. After about 10 minutes we had a break from the enemy and I manage to stop exposing myself. One and a half hours later we got ourselves out of harms way and and regrouped. All I could think was don't get shot as it's gonna be a bit embarrassing getting caught with your pants down. Thankfully we got away without any problems even though I was a bit smelly when we got back to the patrol base.. Oh how we laughed during and afterwards once the adrenalin had worn off. I will never forget it bloody Sod's law.
 
Fox Morgan

Fox Morgan

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Adz said:
I had a bit of a nightmare regarding the underware department during my time in Afghanistan in 2011. We had been out on a patrol since 0400 and after walking a fair distance we had to spend most of the afternoon sat in a shallow ditch while IEDs were cleared. During this time we ate our rations drank water smoked, kept watch chatted and did the usual stuff while on patrol. So at about 1630 I needed to tend to a call of nature. All was quiet so I took cover behind a tree that was about the width of a telegraph pole lay on my side in the shallow ditch and shuffled about in order to get into a position to take a wee without fouling myself and making myself an easy target. So with body armour ballistic pants and ballistic nappy around my nether regions it's quite an effort. Anyway halfway through the euphoria of discharging a much needed piss, all hell broke loose. The tree in front of me exploded as rounds hit it and dust kicked up all around the ditch as bullets fizzed past. Nightmare what next, well I responded with some rounds aimed at the firing point, so caught with the dilemma of getting the boys back in the barracks or carrying on with the firefight . So after a few more rounds were exchanged between our patrol and the bad guys I thought how's the time to sort my self out....no all I could do was continue the fight with the rest of our patrol with my jewels on display much to the amusement to the rest of the lads. After about 10 minutes we had a break from the enemy and I manage to stop exposing myself. One and a half hours later we got ourselves out of harms way and and regrouped. All I could think was don't get shot as it's gonna be a bit embarrassing getting caught with your pants down. Thankfully we got away without any problems even though I was a bit smelly when we got back to the patrol base.. Oh how we laughed during and afterwards once the adrenalin had worn off. I will never forget it bloody Sod's law.
Click to expand...

I think you just won the story right there about pants and their mishaps.
[applause to you sir]
 
C

chrisedwards

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20 Jun 2007
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Jeremy Paxman started the ball rolling I think. Anyway just double up - wear two pairs - that solved the problem for me and winter sailing became tolerable again.
 
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