Alcohol NB

  • Thread starter Thread starter DIW
  • Start date Start date
DIW

DIW

Well-Known Member
Joined
22 Sep 2002
Messages
664
Location
Shropshire & Deganwy
Visit site
Alcohol apparently may soon carry a Government Health Warning, but how should this be worded , current favorites are :-
WARNING - The consumption of Alcohol may:
*Cause Pregnancy
*Make you think you are whispering when you are not
*Make you think you can sing
*Leave you wondering where you left your knickers
*Be a major factor in getting your ass kicked
any more ?

<hr width=100% size=1>
 
If there is room on the bottle : - all of the above!!!!! /forums/images/icons/laugh.gif



<hr width=100% size=1>
Gaelic_Cat.thumb.jpg
Ceum ur
 
Police are warning all men who frequent clubs, parties and local pubs to be alert and stay cautious when offered a drink from any woman. A date rape drug on the market called - "Beer" - is used by many females to target unsuspecting men.

The drug is generally found in liquid form and is now available almost anywhere. It comes in bottles, cans, from taps and in large "kegs" Beer is used by female sexual predators at parties and bars to persuade their male victims to go home and have sex with them. Typically, a woman needs only to persuade a guy to consume a few units of Beer and then simply ask him home for no strings attached sex.

Men are rendered helpless against this approach. After several Beers, men will often succumb to desires to perform sexual acts on horrific looking women to whom they would never normally be attracted. After drinking Beer men often awaken with only hazy memories of exactly what happened to them the night before, often with just a vague feeling that "something bad" occurred. At other times these unfortunate men are swindled out of their life's savings, in a familiar scam known as "a relationship."

It has been reported that in extreme cases, the female may even be shrewd enough to entrap the unsuspecting male into a longer-term form of servitude and punishment referred to as "marriage." Apparently, men are much more susceptible to this scam after Beer is
administered and sex is offered by the predatory females.

If you fall victim to this insidious 'Beer' and the predatory women administering it, there are male support groups with venues in every town where you can discuss the details of your shocking encounter in an open and frank manner with similarly affected, like-minded guys.


<hr width=100% size=1> Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
 
Superb /forums/images/icons/smile.gif

<hr width=100% size=1><A target="_blank" HREF=http://www.magnumyacht.net>http://www.magnumyacht.net</A> - Princess P42
 
From previous posts and direct experience over a few years, I find it hard to believe that you have labelled a post about Alcohol as being NB /forums/images/icons/smile.gif

<hr width=100% size=1>
 
Makes you devastatingly good looking!
Makes you 20 feet tall and bullet proof!
Makes you have six masters degrees in everything!
Makes you a double ocean yachtmaster! (especially in yacht clubs)
Makes you very poorly in the morning! (unless you stay pissed)

<hr width=100% size=1>
 
Drinks that are good for you

IT'S the season for a bit of Christmas cheer but that doesn't have to mean a few weeks of hangovers and shameful behaviour.
Sensible drinking can provide a range of other surprising health benefits. So, as we enter the season to be merry, here are some festive favourites that are actually good for you...

MULLED WINE

Protects against heart disease

MAKE this your occasional tipple at Christmas and you'll look after your heart.

Red wine drinkers could reduce their risk of heart disease by as much as 50 per cent.

In moderation, any alcohol can raise levels of "good" cholesterol in the blood.

But the extra benefit of red wine comes from the flavonoid antioxidants it contains, which help prevent clots and protect against artery damage.

SHERRY Lowers cholesterol

SPANISH scientists established that drinking a glass of sherry every day could decrease the amount of bad cholesterol in the body, because the drink is packed with antioxidants.

BUCKS FIZZ

Fights a cold

MAKE a bucks fizz with 125ml of orange juice and champagne and you'll get the full recommended daily allowance of immune-enhancing vitamin C.

Small quantities of alcohol are also known to enhance immunity, so the combo is perfect if you're feeling under the weather.

SEA BREEZE Prevents cystitis

THE cranberry juice helps fight urinary infections such as cystitis. About 300ml (equivalent to a couple of large cocktails) significantly reduces the incidence of infections in women, according to research in the Journal Of The American Medical Association.

Cranberries contain proanthocyanidins, which stop infection-causing bacteria such as Ecoli sticking to the bladder wall.

BEER Boosts your bones

RESEARCH at King's College and St Thomas' hospital in London found that silicon in the diet is directly linked to bone strength.

As beer is one of the richest sources of silicon, a pint a day may be an effective way to keep your bones strong and protect against osteoporosis.

And taking out the alcohol doesn't remove the nutrients, so you can have low-alcohol beers and still benefit.

GIN Beats the bloat

THE juniper berries which flavour gin were originally a herbal remedy for diseases of the kidneys and liver.

They have a diuretic action that make you need the loo more often. Because of this, gin can offer a short-term solution to bloating - especially in women with PMS.

CIDER Fights anaemia

CIDER can reduce your chances of developing iron-deficiency (symptoms include weakness, fatigue, lack of concentration and dizziness).

That's because just one pint of sweet or dry cider supplies one fifth of the recommended daily allowance of iron.

WHISKY Helps you sleep (yeah your not kidding!!)

DOCTORS often recommend a hot toddy to help induce sleep.

It works because the whisky helps you relax and the warm drink is soothing to your sinuses.

Adding a spoonful of honey and lemon will also help to beat a sore throat.

A Scotch is also one of the most waistline-friendly alcoholic drinks, with a single shot supplying only 55 calories.

VODKA Good for allergies

IT'S so highly distilled and purified that even people with a sensitive gut or multiple allergies can tolerate it.

So if you're gagging for a drink but need a sugar-free, yeast-free option, go for vodka.

It's also less likely to give you a hangover - one analysis found that vodka had only one six-thousandth of the content of headache-inducing toxic methanol as bourbon.

GUINNESS Helps you convalesce

ALL that talk about Guinness being good for anaemia is blarney (the black colour comes from roasted, malted barley, not iron). But there's truth in the idea that Guinness can help you convalesce.

It taste good and, like all alcohol, it boosts appetite, so if you've lost yours due to illness, it can help build you up again.

WHITE WINE Eases joint pain

THIS contains substances called tyrosol and caffeic acid, which are also in extra virgin olive oil.

According to Italian studies, these can help suppress the inflammatory reaction that occurs in rheumatoid arthritis.

BLOODY MARY Protects against cancer

TWO Bloody Marys containing 125ml tomato juice each provides the recommended daily intake of lycopene - an antioxidant linked with lower rates of prostate cancer in men. Lycopene can also protect against lung, colon and breast cancer.

..and here are a few tipples you may regret

JACK DANIEL'S

A BOURBON, which means it has been aged in charred oak barrels and picked up lots of chemical extracts along the way.

As a result, it has one of the worst reputations for giving you a hangover.

BAILEYS

IN a 50ml serving there are 175 calories and 7.8g of fat.

That's one fifth of a woman's and one sixth of a man's daily guideline intake of saturated fat.

If you can't resist, drink only in pubs, where the measures are controlled.

ALCOPOPS

IT'S too easy to knock them back as you would a soft drink - and an average bottle has around 200 calories and 1.5 alcohol units. So opt for Diet Bacardi Breezer instead at only 96 calories.


<hr width=100% size=1>
 
Re: Alcohol NB Beer Scooters!

This might explain a few things.............

How many times have you woken up in the morning after a hard night drinking and thought 'How on earth did I get
home?' As hard as you try, you cannot piece together your return journey from the pub to your house.

The answer to this puzzle is that you used a Beer Scooter.

The Beer Scooter is a mythical form of transport, owned and leased to the drunk by Bacchus the Roman God of Wine. Bacchus has acquired a large batch of these magical devices. The Beer Scooter works in the following fashion: - The passenger reaches a certain level of drunkenness and the "slurring gland" begins to give off a pheromone. Bacchus or one of his many sub-contractors detects
this pheromone and sends down a winged Beer Scooter.

The scooter scoops up the passenger and deposits them in their bedroom via a Trans-Dimensional Portal. This is
not cheap to run, so a large portion of the passenger's in-pocket cash is taken as payment. This answers the second questions after a night out, 'How did I spend so much money?'

Unfortunately, Beer Scooters have a poor safety record and are thought to be responsible for over 90% of all UDI
(Unidentified Drinking Injuries), such as skinned knees and a sore spot on the top of your head.

An undocumented feature of the Beer Scooter is the destruction of time segments during the trip. The nature of Trans-Dimensional Portals dictates that time will be lost, seemingly unaccounted for.

This answers a third question after a night out 'What the hell happened?'
With good intentions, Bacchus opted for the REMIT (Removal of Embarrassing Moments In Time) add-on, that automatically removes, in descending order, those parts in time regretted most. Unfortunately one person's REMIT is not necessarily the REMIT of another's and quite often lost time is regained in discussions over a period of time.

Independent studies have also shown that Beer Goggles often cause the Scooter's navigation system to malfunction thus sending passengers to the wrong bedroom, often with horrific consequences.

For the family man, Beer Scooters come equipped with flowers picked from other people's garden and Thump-A-Lot boots (Patent Pending). these boots are designed in such a way that no matter how quietly you tip-toe up the stairs, you are sure to wake up your other half. Special anti-gravity springs ensure that you bump into every wall in the house and the CTSGS (Coffee Table Seeking Guidance System) explains the bruised shins.

The final add-on Bacchus saw fit to invest in for some Scooters is the TAS (Tobacco Absorption System). This explains how one person can apparently get through 260 Marlboro Lights in a single night.

P.S. Don't forget the on-board heater, which allows you to comfortably get home from the pub in sub-zero temperatures, wearing just a T-shirt.



<hr width=100% size=1> Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
 
Re: Drinks that are good for you

Now I know why I have big bones! and I'm not anaemic!

<hr width=100% size=1>
 
You must log in or register to reply here.

Other threads that may be of interest

T
Notices to Mariners - Week 51
Replies
4
Views
686
Shaz77
S

Share this page

Top