Wind-breakers on board

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BlueSkyNick

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Further to the <A target="_blank" HREF=http://www.ybw.com/cgi-bin/forums/showflat.pl?Cat=&Board=ym&Number=594001&page=0&view=collapsed&sb=5&o=93&part=1&vc=1> smoking </A> thread.....

I definitely dont allow it below but tolerate people breaking wind in the cockpit.

With the close proximity of the mainsail not to mention the outboards petrol tank and so far unscorched gelcoat I cant relax while someone is breaking wind.

Am I being paranoid ?what do others do?

<hr width=100% size=1>WANTED - For House and Boat Maintenance - A large supply of round tuits.
 
Lets get this straight,given our knowledge of what breaking wind does to you,you cannot escape from the conclusion that any one still breaking wind is an idiot.Do you want an idiot on your boat?
I don`t




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Whilst being reasonably tolerant, I definitely dont allow breaking wind anywhere near a naked flame /forums/images/icons/smile.gif

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I find that windbreaks are the perfect accompanying accessory for any well equipped cruisinig boat, I've included some hints and tips below:

1. I find that if you put them centrally across the foredeck they can add a couple of knots to boatspeed when going downwind as well as giving the lady members of the crew some privacy for topless sunbathing and whatever else the girlies want to get up to.

2. Upwind, I prefer to mount the windbreaks in line with the boat and again find additonal lift, no privacy here and one has to look out for boats creeping up on you as the line of sight below the foresail is restricted.

3. As for colours I prefer the bright stripey ones made of UV resistant fabric.

4. Don't forget the mallet to put the stakes through the foredeck to get the positioning just right. If really windy, you'll need tent pegs and guys to hold the wbs in place.

Hope this helps.

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I always insist that the crews' diet separates Protines and Carbohydrates. This aids efficient digestion and very nearly cures excesive flatulence. It also helps to keep the heads sweet as the resulting waste is compact, streamlined, easily flushable and indeed, entails the use of much less tissue.
Thought you'd all like to know that.

On the other hand, the delayed effects of a hastely consumed Fray Bentos will always ensure that the crew are all up in the cockpit in double quick time !

:)


<hr width=100% size=1>Khyber
 
I'm all in favour of defending the right to smoke and, for that matter, to break wind. However, with either activity, one must be considerate of the dangers of passive inhalation and nuisance. Both can cause irriration and precipitate sea-sickness type symptoms. I would not however, in the interests of public safety condone doing both simultaneously. Also, in certain parts of the world, for example the Doldrums, the sequence of activities can be a major safety issue.

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Of course there are wider ramifications and implications in this than it first would appear.

First of all are waterproofs being worn and if so which type.

If breathables .. a reverse osmotic process may be initiated with all methane in the immediated area being attracted through and into the farter's breeks. The effects of this can be staggering. Over and above this if non breatheable waterproofs are used the methane can be absorbed into the water particles which are part of one's skin constution. Quite apart from the malodorous implications, any friction action on the rear may result in your arse becoming inflamed.

And so onto the environmental issues. Methane is good for the atrmosphere and ocean but bad for craft travelling therein, If a large enough bubble is released into the atmosphere under a jet aircraft, it will cause the engines to fail and the craft to plummet to the ground. Rumour has it that Alquaeda has ordered 19 tons of baked beans and agents are in place around Heathrow ready to fart at the appropriate moment.
<A target="_blank" HREF=http://www.abc.net.au/science/k2/moments/s1070889.htm>
and so onto the Ocean, methane mixed with brine lowers the density by 40%. THis of course means that most craft will sink when faced with a 40% reduction in bouyancy .. so please don't chuck farters overboard or you could regret it.</A>

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Re: Sound advice

A further complication can arise for windy cigar smokers should they become over exuberant and easily disoriented.

I am seeking investment partners for a simple detachable device to aid power generation when on long passages. The contraption works as a turbine and based on initial trials, is capable of producing some 4 amps under full load. Some modifications have been proposed for different users and prototype 2 includes a regulator to prevent boiling the batteries. The regulator can be adjusted manually and automatically, using a system similar to the i-drive on BMWs. let me know if you woud like to be part of this exciting investment opportunity.

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This is typical, and adds fuel to the flames of the sort of Fartist propaganda that is being bruited about in the media these days. FBreaking wind is not only healthy, it has no proven ill effects on the human body and indeed it has always been considered the healthy thing to do. "Better out than in" as my granny used to say. The so-called side-effects of passive farting have not been proven scientifically, largely due to a lack of volunteers to sit in an enclosed room while controlled gasses are pumped through. When asked, nine out of ten members of the public said they would object if breaking wind were banned. The detrimental effects on the environment are minimal, there is more methane produced by one cow in a week than a hundred cauliflower eaters in a hundred years.
I hope this sets the record straight.

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I don\'t allow it on board

at all.

If guests fart, and I have not had one yet who does, they would be asked to fart on shore and well away from the boat.

I agree with the medics who say that, with the current state of knowledge, any one who still farts is an idiot.

Why have idiots on board?



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Re: I don\'t allow it on board

Listen you berk, if you don't bottom burp you will explode .. If you allow yourself to explode you are obviously an imbecile. Ergo .. do not allow non farters on board cos they're obviously idiots and you do'nt want idiots on board unless of course you're an idiot as well in which case it might seem quite sensible. Anyway how to perforform a test to identify potential non-farters?

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Re: I don\'t allow it on board

Most of those medics are old farts anyway.

Recent research published in "Farters weekly" shows, conclusively, that anyone who doesn't fart for at least ten seconds a day is killing their brain cells more quickly than if they drank a bottle of rum per day, so who are you calling an idiot? In Outer Mongolia, farting after a meal is considered a gesture of appreciation and is linked to a lower rate of heart disease.
Finally, if you go without farting for more than four days, the methane will infuse into your brain and trigger the onset of premature senile dementia. This is what happened to Hiram Elmer Golightly of Wisconsin, who joined an extremist sect called the Air Puritans and took a pledge not to fart ever again. He died in agony six days later. (The sect was disbanded shortly afterwards, because nobody could remember when the next meeting was supposed to be.)


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Re: I don\'t allow it on board

I have lots of gusts on board, thanks.

The test is very simple, a good night out on the Bass followed by all hatches shut. First one to start the dawn chorus gets galley duties for the rest of the day.



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Re: I don\'t allow it on board

If you want to follow the traditions of Outer Magnolia, the so be it but at least get your facts straight. Of the four provinces (ayimagh) only Jasaghtu Khaners fart. This is not as a gesture of appreciation, but an acknowledgement that the Töshiyetü Khan kicked the s**t out of them in 535, and that they could do so again any time they felt like it.

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Re: I don\'t allow it on board

<A target="_blank" HREF=http://www.wired.com/news/medtech/0,1286,58897,00.html>Got a new job for you </A>

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Re: I don\'t allow it on board

This is old hat. I have such a shoe-box on my boat and it can record the precise nature and time of all emissions. This is how I biometricate all my visitors and crew. You have been warned.

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Re: I don\'t allow it on board

You're forgetting the ceremonial method of playing the traditional Mongolian "Nose Flute", as adopted in Southern Quanding province and the northern provinces of Chinese QuangDong. The communists tried to suppress it during the cultural revolution, but it got out anyway.

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Re: I don\'t allow it on board

Jimi

"The fight against dangerous gastrointestinal infections
is no laughing matter"

Too right mate!.... if you are the doc who has to sniff the stools!
I can imagine "What's My Line"......

Briani

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