wife gone so singlehanded cruise?

[john]

Woke up Saturday morning to find wife had packed all belongings and gone! Things have been bad and she had spoken about wanting a divorce/dividing assets the night before. No contact from her since then (ignoring my phonecalls!) We were due to go away next saturday for a three week cruise to the CI. It looks like ill be going on my own (it's been a pretty terrible year so far and the thought of this hol has kept me going.) The question is: Are channel islands feasible single handed on a well found yacht? I ve done channel/north sea crossings alone but am worried about tides etc - and my state of mind!
john

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[Romeo]

Sorry to hear that. Try to get a mate to go at short notice. You will have much more fun.

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[doris]

Done it several times on my own. Cherb or Alderney first stop then where-ever. Best of luck.

<hr width=100% size=1>Real men do it 2handed.

 

[BobE]

Alderney, Guernsey, or Sark are no sweat... I've been there 'n done that solo..
But if you can team up with another boat and travel more or less in company there's always someone to catch you at a pontoon assuming you need a shower etc..
And yes, make sure about the tides.. Harbourmasters are really helpful!!
Give my love to the "Braye Chippie" and the "Mermaid" at Sark (Which still sells Bucktrouts spiced rum.)
Have a great time.
Bob E..

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[Peppermint]

Re:Now I\'m worried

Singlehanded sailing around the CI is easy enough if your heads together. If you've doubts about your mental state don't add tiredness to your problems.

Have a nice cruise locally and don't push yourself. Times is a great healer but I've not heard anyone say singlehanded sailing was.

If it's any consolation, out of fifteen couples we know that split up, three got back together and all parties are happy now. There lives have changed but they're OK.

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[AndrewB]

Re:Now I\'m worried

I agree, I did this right after a split-up and it was utterly depressing being alone. Probably specially so in a romantic place like CI.

I'd advise John either to get some mates to come with him, or see if he can go with them. Or switch to a holiday with more opportunities for socialising.

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[ashanta]

I sail single handed regularly.

Alderney, Guernsey or Jersey are all straightforward enough as long as you time your arrival correctly to meet appropriate tide.

Sorry to hear about your separation, I hope it's only temporary.

Regards.

Peter.

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[mainshiptom]

3 weeks ago my other half pushed me out the door ! Things were bad !

But now three weeks later she wnats me back and offer to come on board as well !

The trick was singlehanded and tell her about other girls who are intreasted in salilng !

I really enjoyed being on my own it gave me lots of time to think and like the old saying goes: look at what you have rather what you have lost?


I love it now I stay on the boat in London but I get lots of invites and go back home loads, I do know how you feel, but being on the water has a great healing service, What I would say is do not take risks on your own and if you find a harbour that you like stick to it and get to know people, do not rush !

Good luck and YES do go on your own ! and see what happens !


Tom

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[snowleopard]

just back from a CI trip. no, not solo, but swmbo stayed home and i went with a crew of scuttlebutters recruited from a couple of 'crew wanted' posts. good trip & more congenial than singlehanding.

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[john]

Thanks for comments and advice. Im not sure of my mental state at the moment so it would probably be safest for everyone if i were to stay in the marina, probably watching happy couples... Its good to know others have had similar experiences and survived.
john

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[snowleopard]

good decision. have done some singlehanding (ostar etc) and i can tell you that even if you start in a stable frame of mind a day or 2 at sea on your own and all the problems blow up out of proportion. stay home, have a few bevvies, then find a crew to go sailing.

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[john]

thanks for the good advice, whic I shall probably follow! I've been heartened by the messages on this posting and in PM's from those who are, or have been, in the same boat.
john

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[Julie]

Wow! didnt take you long to get over her!

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[BrianJ]

Re: Think of it this way

The last fight was my fault. My wife asked, "What's on the TV?" I said, "Dust!"

In the beginning, God created earth and rested. Then God created man and rested. Then God created woman. Since then, neither God nor man has rested.

My wife and I are inseparable. In fact, last week it took four state troopers and a dog.

Do you know the punishment for bigamy? Two mothers-in-law.

A man inserted an ad in the classified: "Wife wanted." Next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: "You can have mine."

The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once.

First guy (proudly): "My wife's an angel!" Second guy: "You're lucky, mine's still alive."

How do most men define marriage? An expensive way to get laundry done for free.

Just think, if it weren't for marriage, men would go through life thinking they had no faults at all.

If you want your wife to listen and pay undivided attention to every word you say, talk in your sleep.

Then there was a man who said, "I never knew what real happiness was until I got married; and then it was too late."

A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?" And the father replied, "I don't know son, I'm still paying."

Cheer up old son.. its all for the better
BrianJ



<hr width=100% size=1>BrianJ

 

[cameronke]

Re: Think of it this way

Thanks for those Brian

Just reminded me why I am still a bachelor. I can do what I like when I like if I like.

Remember having a bidy-in and arguing over a new fitted kitchen or a new set of sails. I had been made redundant and"resting between jobs" for 14 glorious weeks. Anyway when I landed my current job, first call was to the sail maker to order the sails and the second call was to her ladyship to tell her I had the job, oh and I ordered the sails.

Wasn't it Arthur Shoppenhaur that described marriage as an institution designed to turn two people who adore each other into two who despise each other?

Chin up John now you are your own boss, waoit 'til you come to terms with your new freedom

Best wishes
Cameron

<hr width=100% size=1>Work to live, live to sail

 

[Mik_Mohr]

Welcome to a new and liberating world.

I found out 12 months ago that my ****** of a wife had been using me to slave around the house looking after our kids and earning a good salary, so she could sleep around with at least one of her work colleages. I have to say that it has been a very liberating experience. After seeing how she has treated our 15 year old dog (who has developed partial paralysis and incontinence), I dread to think how it would have been if she had been "looking after me" in my infirmity. Apart from the damage she has done to the children through her selfishness, I am actually glad she has gone! I have freedom now to sail when I want. I no longer have to try to persuade her, or compromise with her. I no longer have to try to please her in the decor I choose, the paths I take, anything!

I know that not everyone has had the same experience of marriage as me. You may find it a bit of a wrench, settling in to single life. You may find that a break does you both good and you end up back together (touch wood, not me). Life is too short and precious to waste in any sense, but definitely not in trying to change the past. Live for now, and for now on.

You are the only one who really knows if you are capable of reaching the CI safely, single handed. But the fact you are asking for advice suggests to me that you really feel you are not ready for such a passage alone. I would suggest trying to find a crewmate or 2; they are out there. If you cannot, and you absolutely have to sail, do a channel hop and cruise the coast, laying up at night.

Finally, and on a more serious note, it helps sometimes to "talk" things over with someone, be they friend or a stranger. I have had a pretty crap year too with one thing and another. I managed to keep a positive outlook for almost all of it apart from a brief period in Feb when a car crash left me wondering if God had really got it in for me! If you need a sounding board, please feel free to PM me.

<hr width=100% size=1>You can lead a student to knowledge, but you cannot make them think.

 

[john]

Re: Welcome to a new and liberating world.

thanks for your uplifting comments. I'm going to stay tied up to the pontoon this time. Ive got plenty to reflect on: As well as the wife leaving, we'd just moved to a new (expensive) house and I left well paid job to start follow my wifes career here, Ive just realised ive no money! I suppose the boat will be going
Ouch!!

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[Tomsk]

Re: Welcome to a new and liberating world.

I wish I had made it as far as my marriage, but it ended two months before arriving at the alter. After many years of boating, future wide and I decided to by a motor cruiser and see some of Europe... Spent the time looking and seeking the vessel for us... survey done.. make offer.. take day off work to finalise purchase.. get home to find that partner had decided that the stress of buying the boat was too much and left me! (I know this must just have been the tip of the iceberg)..

12 Months later I am about to move onto the boat (sold my house to buy it and also paid off all my and her debts.. bummer) and am really looking forward to a new life style....

John - keep the boat! Live on it if you have to.. you may have already lost a big part of your life - don't lose another!

<hr width=100% size=1>Tomsk -

Can I leave the planet please.. this one is broken!

 

[Goodge]

Re: Think of it this way

Don't re-marry.

Find someone you don't like and give them a house !

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[john]

Sorry julie thats not the case at all, quite the opposite. I am grateful to all on this forum for their words of comfort and support.

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