White van man

[Guest]

Off topic a bit I know but swometime ago I had to ask what a 'White Van Man' was in reference to them at boat ramps. Well while I was watching TV the other day catching up on the Rugby scores which I got well and truly wrong last week (apologies again), when on came a British show called 'Worlds Worst Drivers' or something to that effect. Now what a piece of top quality entertainment that was, however it clearly showed what 'White Van Man' meant and indeed used that term to describe them. It included film of said nutcase drivers.

You've got to be kidding!! Those guys should be locked up.....PERMANENTLY

 

[robp]

My broker tells me that they are an identified cause of premium increases.

 

[Guest]

I still don't know what a "white van man" is. Can someone enlighten me please?

 

[claymore]

A white van man is a person who once got up a bit later than he should. This has caused his whole life to be slightly out of kilter in that he is never where he should be. He therefore spends his day driving as quickly and inconsiderately as possible in order to make up for lost time. It doesn't seem to work - in fact if anything there has been a proliferation of the practice resulting in an increased sector of the population in a hurry. The common denominator is that for purposes of identification, they conduct their business in white vans - the Ford Transit is possibly one of the more common vehicles used but as long as it is white, the choice is fairly open. The message to you - the ordinary road user - is that when you become aware of a white van being driven microns from your rear bumper by someone sporting either a baseball cap or a shaven head (or both) perhaps smoking, possibly wearing a sleeveless number and displaying rather overdeveloped biceps - you are in fact being followed by a person who once got up late. In this situation, I tend to slow down and ease into the centre of the road which seems to incur wrath on the part of WVM but not nearly so much as when you blow them a kiss as your ways part.
Hope this helps.

 

[Guest]

You forgot the bit about talking animatedly on his mobile phone whilst sprawling his elbows across the wheel.

 

[Mr Cassandra]

How did you know i have White vans?You dont come shoping in Chester do you ?.

 

[Guest]

Thanks for the explanation. I realise now they've been driving behind me every day and I didn't know who they were. Now that I know, I shall stop getting up too late for what I want to do and I might hide my baseball cap. Not much I can do about my overdeveloped biceps, though. They're so big now I doubt I could get my wristwatch round them any more. Not that I want to - I don't do sleeveless.
Mejay

 

[BrianJ]

Hey I saw that also and agree.
BrianJ

 

[chas]

Are these vans amphibious? - I think I have seen them in the Solent.

 

[Twister_Ken]

Re: White boat man

Naturally there's a nautical equivalent.

Can be identified by baseball cap, tatoos, tight white polo shirt bearing the logo of a spirits manufacturer, and plaid shorts.

Usually accompanied by one or more bottle blondes.

Boat will have a name like Rambo, Avenger, Not In Transit or Mad Max.

Engine will smoke heavily at start up and will startle spinsters in the next parish at full chat.

He'll throw a wash like a tsunami while slaloming through the moorings, and will party all night in the marina.

 

[chas]

Re: I assume it dos\'nt have sails? (nm)

=

 

[claymore]

Careful

That could incite an interforum riot - or could that be interflora with those Jessies in MB's?

 

[BarryD]

Hello...

So its an interforum bicker you're looking for is it? I'd be happy to oblige but so far no saily type has managed to upset me. Apart from those that use the channel markers as racing points...

Course I've not been on the water very long, can you check back with me next summer - I'm sure I'll have something to vent my spleen at by then. <G>

 

[paulineb]

Jessies ? Bloody Jessies?

Who are you calling a Jessie? I can helm my motor boat single handedly - you lot need half a rugby team on board just to moor up ;-)

Pauline B

 

[chas]

So can I, so can I

- and I do it every time I take my dinghy out to my mooring.

 

[paulineb]

Re: White boat man

You've met my husband then ;-)

Pauline B

 

[Twister_Ken]

Re: I assume it dos\'nt have sails?

I never said that!

 

[Guest]

Re: White boat man

You're only jealous because you're not invited to the parties!

 

[cynthia]

Re: White boat man

He's the one who ploughed,at great speed, into the back of our car in a motorway stoppage, despite our hazards being on etc. Unfortunately it was the day before we were due to travel to France for the hols. A much loved icon in our household then!!

 

[robp]

Re: White boat man

That'll be the one! you stopped the unstoppable.