Wednesday humour

[Trevethan]

A vampire bat came flapping in from the night, face all covered in fresh blood, and parked himself on the roof of the cave to get some sleep.

Pretty soon all the other bats smelt the blood and began hassling him about where he got it. He told them to p**s off and let him get some sleep, but they persisted until he finally gave in. OK, follow me", he said tiredly, and flew out of the cave with hundreds of bats behind him.

Down through a valley they went, across a river and into a huge forest of trees. Finally he slowed down and all the other bats excitedly milled around him, tongues hanging out for blood.

"Do you see that large oak tree over there?" he asked.
"YES, YES, YES!!!!" the bats all screamed in a frenzy.
"Good!" said the first bat, "Because I bloody didn't." !!!!!



She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like the sound a dog makes just before it throws up

 

[broadnorfolk]

Alex Ferguson calls Beckham into his office.
'David', he says, 'I need to talk to you about your performance against
Leeds the other night, you were blo*dy hopeless, completely off form.'
'Sorry boss', says David. 'I've not been myself lately. I've got a few
problems at home.'
'Oh dear' says Fergie, 'Whats up? posh & the kids Ok?'
'Oh, they're fine, it's just that something is really bugging me and I'm
losing sleep and everything. I can't concentrate on my football and it's
really messing me head up.'
'Whatever's the matter?' says Fergie
'Well boss, It's pretty serious. Victoria bought this jigsaw puzzle the
other day and.........'
'A JIGSAW??' shouts Sir Alex. 'You're playing Sh*t because of a jigsaw?'
'Yeah boss, but you don't understand, it's really doing me head in!'
says
David, 'It's really hard, it's this picture of a Tiger and it looks
really
easy on the box and I'm sure I've got all the bits and everything but I
just
can't get it right and it's doing my head in and, and........

'David, David, David' says Fergie, 'You better get a grip son and
quick.'
'Ok boss, but.............It's this picture of a Tiger and it looks
really
easy on the box and I'm sure I've got all the bits and everything but I
can't do it and it's doing my head in and.......and....it's a Tiger and
it
looks easy but it's really hard and er, it's a Tiger and
everything, er... on the box...er.....sorry boss.'
'Ok, Ok' says Sir Alex, 'bring in the blo*dy jigsaw and let's have a
look
shall we. It can't be that difficult'.
'Thanks boss.' says David.
So Becks brings in the jigsaw and takes it to Fergies office.
'Here it is boss' he says, showing Ferguson the picture on the box, look
boss, it's a Tiger right, and it's a really good picture and everything
but
I just can't do it and it's really hard and its doing my head in and
everything..'
Becks empties all the pieces from the box all over Fergies desk.
Sir Alex looks at what's on the desk, looks up with his head in his
hands
and says to Beckham...........


















(Trust me, it's worth it)


























'Put the f***ing Frosties back in the box David'.............

 

[EME]

Beware NEW Scam

Police warn all clubbers, partygoers and unsuspecting pub regulars to be alert
and stay cautious when offered a drink from any woman. A new date rape drug
on the market called "beer" is used by many females to target unsuspecting men.
The drug is generally found in liquid form and is now available almost anywhere. It
comes in bottles, cans, from taps and in large "kegs."
"Beer" is used by female sexual predators at parties and bars to persuade their male
victims to go home and have sex with them. Typically, a woman needs only to persuade
a guy to consume a few units of "beer" and then simply ask him home for no strings
attached sex. Men are rendered helpless against this approach.

After several "beers" men will often succumb to desires to perform sexual acts on
horrific looking women to whom they would never normally be attracted. After
drinking "beer" men often awaken with only hazy memories of exactly what happened to
them the night before, often with just a vague feeling that something bad occurred.

At other times these unfortunate men are swindled out of their life's savings in a familiar
scam known as "a relationship." It has been reported that in extreme cases, the female
may even be shrewd enough to entrap the unsuspecting male into a longer term form of
servitude and punishment referred to as "marriage."

Apparently, men are much more susceptible to this scam after "beer" is administered
and sex is offered by the predatory female.

Please! Forward this warning to every male you know. However, if you fall victim to this
insidious "beer" and the predatory women administering it, there are male support groups with
venues in every town where you can discuss the details of your shocking encounter in an open and frank
manner with similarly affected, like minded guys. For the support group nearest you,
just look up "Golf Courses" in the yellow pages.


<font color=blue>I am WHAT I say I am</font color=blue>

 

[tcm]

Re: fab!nm

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