BrendanS
Well-known member
True bravery is arriving home stinking drunk after a very late night out with the boys..... Then.....being assaulted by your wife with a broom, And still having the guts to ask: "Are you cleaning, or were you flying somewhere?"
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Administrator
Posts: 569 Posted: 2/16, 05:37
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John the farmer was in the fertilized egg business. He had several hundred young ( hens ) layers called pullets and eight or ten roosters, whose job was to fertilize the eggs.
The farmer kept records and any rooster that didn't perform went into the soup pot and was replaced. That took an awful lot of his time so he bought a set of tiny bells and attached them to his roosters. Each bell had a different tone so John could tell from a distance, which rooster was performing. Now he could sit on the porch and fill out an efficiency report simply by listening to the bells.
The farmers favorite rooster was old Bill, a very fine specimen he was, too. But on this particular morning John noticed old Bill's bell hadn't rung at all!
John went to investigate. The other roosters were chasing pullets, bells-a-ringing. The pullets, hearing the roosters coming, would run for cover.
BUT, to Farmer John's amazement, Bill had his bell in his beak, so it couldn't ring. He'd sneak up on a pullet, do his job and walk on to the next one. John was so proud of Bill, he entered him in the county fair...and Bill became an overnight sensation among the judges.
The result...The judges not only awarded Bill the "No Bell Piece Prize" but they also awarded him the "Pulletsurprise" as well.
Clearly Bill was a Politician in the making. Who else could figure out how to win two of the most highly coveted awards on our planet by being the best at sneaking up on the populace and screwing them when they weren't paying attention?
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A man goes to see the Rabbi. "Rabbi, something terrible is
happening and I have to talk to you about it." The Rabbi asked,
"What's wrong?" The man replied, "My wife is poisoning me." The
Rabbi, very surprised by this, asks, "How can that be?" The man
then pleads, "I'm telling you, I'm certain she's poisoning me.
What should I do?" The Rabbi then offers, "Tell you what. Let me
talk to her. I'll see what I can find out and I'll let you know.."
A week later the Rabbi calls the man and says. "Well, I spoke to
your wife -- spoke to her on the phone for three hours. You want
my advice?" The man said yes, and the Rabbi replied, "Take the
poison."
===================
A woman and her son were taking a cab in New York City.
It was raining and all the hookers were standing under the awnings.
"Mom," said the little boy, "what are all those women doing?
"They're waiting for their husbands to get off work," she replied.
The cabbie turns around and says,
"Geez lady, why don't you tell him the truth?
They're hookers, boy! They have sex with men for money."
The little boy's eyes get wide and he says,
"Is that true, Mom?"
His mother, glaring hard at the cabbie, answers in the affirmative.
After a few minutes, the kid asks,
"Mom, what happens to the babies those women have?"
"Most of them are cab drivers," she replied
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Jesus and his disciples were walking around one day, when Jesus said, "The Kingdom of Heaven is like 3x squared plus 8x minus 9."
The disciples looked very puzzled, and finally asked Peter, "What on earth does Jesus mean — the Kingdom of Heaven is like 3x squared plus 8x minus 9?
Peter said, "Don't worry. It's just another one of his parabolas."
=======================
Administrator
Posts: 569 Posted: 2/16, 05:37
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
John the farmer was in the fertilized egg business. He had several hundred young ( hens ) layers called pullets and eight or ten roosters, whose job was to fertilize the eggs.
The farmer kept records and any rooster that didn't perform went into the soup pot and was replaced. That took an awful lot of his time so he bought a set of tiny bells and attached them to his roosters. Each bell had a different tone so John could tell from a distance, which rooster was performing. Now he could sit on the porch and fill out an efficiency report simply by listening to the bells.
The farmers favorite rooster was old Bill, a very fine specimen he was, too. But on this particular morning John noticed old Bill's bell hadn't rung at all!
John went to investigate. The other roosters were chasing pullets, bells-a-ringing. The pullets, hearing the roosters coming, would run for cover.
BUT, to Farmer John's amazement, Bill had his bell in his beak, so it couldn't ring. He'd sneak up on a pullet, do his job and walk on to the next one. John was so proud of Bill, he entered him in the county fair...and Bill became an overnight sensation among the judges.
The result...The judges not only awarded Bill the "No Bell Piece Prize" but they also awarded him the "Pulletsurprise" as well.
Clearly Bill was a Politician in the making. Who else could figure out how to win two of the most highly coveted awards on our planet by being the best at sneaking up on the populace and screwing them when they weren't paying attention?
===========================
A man goes to see the Rabbi. "Rabbi, something terrible is
happening and I have to talk to you about it." The Rabbi asked,
"What's wrong?" The man replied, "My wife is poisoning me." The
Rabbi, very surprised by this, asks, "How can that be?" The man
then pleads, "I'm telling you, I'm certain she's poisoning me.
What should I do?" The Rabbi then offers, "Tell you what. Let me
talk to her. I'll see what I can find out and I'll let you know.."
A week later the Rabbi calls the man and says. "Well, I spoke to
your wife -- spoke to her on the phone for three hours. You want
my advice?" The man said yes, and the Rabbi replied, "Take the
poison."
===================
A woman and her son were taking a cab in New York City.
It was raining and all the hookers were standing under the awnings.
"Mom," said the little boy, "what are all those women doing?
"They're waiting for their husbands to get off work," she replied.
The cabbie turns around and says,
"Geez lady, why don't you tell him the truth?
They're hookers, boy! They have sex with men for money."
The little boy's eyes get wide and he says,
"Is that true, Mom?"
His mother, glaring hard at the cabbie, answers in the affirmative.
After a few minutes, the kid asks,
"Mom, what happens to the babies those women have?"
"Most of them are cab drivers," she replied
==================
Jesus and his disciples were walking around one day, when Jesus said, "The Kingdom of Heaven is like 3x squared plus 8x minus 9."
The disciples looked very puzzled, and finally asked Peter, "What on earth does Jesus mean — the Kingdom of Heaven is like 3x squared plus 8x minus 9?
Peter said, "Don't worry. It's just another one of his parabolas."