Volunteers required for trials of new invention

thefatlady

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I have been asked to help test a new invention which could be of help to all sailors, glider pilots, parachutists, even golfers – every sport where wind speed and direction are important.

About 20 sailors are needed, who will wear special goggles and report on their effects. Tests will take place in the Solent on a day to be decided. The session is expected to end with racing where half of the sailors will wear the goggles and the control half will sail without, switching each race to balance out the effect of individuals.

The designers’ name is secret at the moment, but they have provided the following information about the way the goggles work:

SEEING THE WIND

Air is not invisible, just extremely pale. It is a tangible fluid composed of loosely packed molecules of various gases. At any reasonable level of humidity, air carries large amounts of water vapour, which is called mist or fog when visible to the naked eye. Distortions of light due to the changing refractive indices of airborne water particles are visible through a polarised lens.

Wind is air movement due to pressure and temperature variations. Gusts are pockets of denser air swirling round ground-level obstacles, often caused by cooling as the sun is obscured by cloud. Changes in air speeds and densities cause temperature fluctuations which can be seen through an infra-red lens.

The goggles have a different lens for each eye, one infra-red and the other polarised and tinted green. This gives an overlay effect which enables the wearer to see air currents and wind patterns as a faint haze of red and green bands and patches. With practice, one can literally see gusts and shifts approaching and even study the airflow over the sail.

If you would like to be considered for the forthcoming trials, please email your name, email address and boat model to makingaspectacleofmyself@gullible.nit
 

sailorman

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Yep me me me please /forums/images/graemlins/confused.gif /forums/images/graemlins/tongue.gif /forums/images/graemlins/wink.gif /forums/images/graemlins/laugh.gif /forums/images/graemlins/laugh.gif /forums/images/graemlins/laugh.gif
 

tome

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[ QUOTE ]
Air is not invisible, just extremely pale

[/ QUOTE ]

Yes, damned pale. I'd volunteer but not sure my rods still have sufficient contrast
 

Lakesailor

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You must come and study my Fart Chair. It's designed to collect methane for reprocessing.

This is the set-up for gas collection


ingarage1.jpg


This is the process under way

Fartchair.jpg
 

Twister_Ken

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Dear Inventor,

I am extremely interested in your goggles as I wish to examine the effects of wind turbine vortices on the mating rituals of the lesser spotted bagpipe beetle, which appears to be in decline in wind farm countryside.

As the bagpipe beetle has an important role to play as an organic control in the global battle against celtic, gaelic and other 'conquered nation' noise pollution, this is a worrying development.

Therefore, please send me a complimentary pair of goggles. In return. I will give you a fulsome credit when my research is published in International Bagpipe Exterminator Quarterly.

ivor.biggin@buggerbagpipes.org
 
D

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[ QUOTE ]
ingarage1.jpg


[/ QUOTE ]
Just asking, you understand, but are you also working on converting a lawn mover into a launch vechile?
 
D

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p.s.

I am pleased to note that the boat sleeps in the garage, while the car sleeps outside. At least you have your priorities right, despite it not being a real boat.
 

DanTribe

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I notice in the 1st pic there's a gas bottle & an empty chair.
In the 2nd the bottle has transmogrified into you.
Is this caused by the potion in the cup or part of the gas production process?
 

Lakesailor

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In the second pic the bottle is remote from the chair to reduce the chance of a "charge-back".
The cup has some fresh rhubarb tea to initiate the production process.
 

Lakesailor

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Had to give up on the launch vehicle conversion. The Briggs and Stratton "Easy Start" motor is now subject to a Trades Description court case.
 

graham

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Have you thought how romantic it would be to wear these goggles in a yacht at Sundown while you propose to your fiance?

The goggles would allow you to see her hot excited breath as she gasps in pleasure at your proposal. /forums/images/graemlins/smile.gif

or possibly you will get a graphic warning that she has let out an involuntary fart whilst laughing uncontrollably. /forums/images/graemlins/laugh.gif
 

DRANNIE

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How did you get George Bush to pose for the demonstration or was it an impersonator? /forums/images/graemlins/laugh.gif
 
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