Vessel calling Mayday

[iangrant]

Heard at the weekend, not verbatim obviously:

mayday-
Solent Coastguard:

Station calling Mayday could I have your vessels name?

My name or the boat?

Solent: The vessels name

Oh it's *****

Solent: and the nature of your distress?

Oh I've got my anchor stuck

Pause, Solent: Are you or the vessel in grave or imanant danger sir? (chuckling)

I don't think so, I'm a bit worried, I don't know what to do

Solent: How many persons on board and your position (still chuckling)

*** N *** W me and a young child

Another station pipes up calling the stricken vessel

Solent: SEELONCE MAYDAY

Are you calling me?

Solent: no sir I am imposing radio silence

Oh

Solent: Standby

OK

Solent: We are sending the **** lifeboat to your assistance sir

..............


Poor old Solent, you could actually imagine the operator trying so hard to keep from laughing.


The best ones are their answer to "Yarmouth to Lymington" Passage plans: "Have a safe Voyage Captain"

Also heard: "This is Vessel *** Can you give me your telephone number so I can ring you when I get there?" Solent: "No sir you should telephone some one who loves and cares about you"

 

[GrowingLad]

Also heard: "This is Vessel *** Can you give me your telephone number so I can ring you when I get there?" Solent: "No sir you should telephone some one who loves and cares about you"

That one's brilliant!!

I hate the fact of licensing and regulations but I sometimes wonder whether you should provide your VHF license number when buying a VHF. But then again thinking about it, they should already have a users (+set) license...just goes to show doesn't help much.

I've yet to use my VHF other than having it switched on and listening.

Although I re-read my VHF hand book every month or so just to keep things fresh in my head. Really don't want to sound a Berk when I do actually use it in anger.

Not just pleasure boaters. I hear quite a bit of commercial traffic and it's amazing how many times the Port authorities have to re-request information when they have asked for two or three details. Several times over....I'm always impressed how they managed to still sound calm and civil when asking for destination port for the 4th time.

 

[oldharry]

Back in the late 80s Holyhead Coastguard was holding a major exercise on the N Wales coast:

An attractively female voice reported in "Holyhead Coastguard, this is mobile 1, I can not receive you in this position"

A voice hitherto unheard on the 'net' responded "Which position would you like then, dear?"

There was long, long pause in communications.....