Urgent Request For Help!!



Could the panel please advise.

On Tuesday it’s the start of the annual pop groups fishing trip to Plymouth. It lasts about four days and subject to the weather should cover half of Cornwall.

Except last year the weather was that rough we didn’t make it out of the Sound.

Now normally this would not concern me but whilst I don’t seem to have many problems doing six or seven hundred miles round France, the Channel Isles and most of the English Channel. Or Ireland and Scotland.

I find all hell breaks loose on a little trip to Fowey!!
Could the panel advise on methods suitable for such a trip. In order
not to arrive with . Blown Turbo’s Exploding toilets. Blackened carpets and curtains. Ropes round props and five gallon of water in the diesel!!
polythene bags up both water intakes, smashed gearboxes and loss of stearing.
An auto pilot that’s gone berserk and a telly that’s taken up smoking.

Last years fishing trip it was freezing so the Eberspatcher packed in but also reserve fan heater’s both one and two!!

Advise please except Colin cos I already know what he'd say.


Basically, I think that the problem can be summed up in one word - Jonah!. I mean there's not much more to go wrong. If you ever come out with me I'm going to tow you in the dinghy for safety.

Personally I think the best way to avoid these problems is to leave the boat securely tied to the pontoon. A nice bottle of malt can simulate the motion of the boat underway if you drink enough but avoid sitting on the seats in case they break.

I had a word with the engineer at Kip about MS4a gearboxes and he says they are generally reliable unless you hit something in which case the insides turn to mush. I guess that must be what happened to yours.

If you do go out, have you checked the steering gear as that sounds like the only thing left to go wrong (or did I miss that in your list) Oh and the fuel filler is the one on the left!



Yes it\'s ME

Several suggestions for you, some can be printed here.
First idea, and probably the best is to buy Byron's parasol off him. Then when it gets sunny you can keep the heat off your bald pate and with any luck won't suffer from sunstroke. Also useful for shading your begonias.

On the offchance that I've got the wrong end of the stick about this parasol thing, tie it onto the boat and the pop group can get you to walk the plank when you break something. BTW who are they? Is it The Barron Knights? I hear they do a passable impression of an exploding TAMD41.

But by far the best way for you to ensure no problems is to go buy return tickets on the P&O Plymouth to Santander ferry. You'll get all the thrills of going foreign without the hassles and at least we'll know you'll come back safe and sound. Then again, scrub that idea and go in your own boat...