Todays Silly Joke (nb)

[AIDY]

what did the fish say when it swam into a wall ??


dam !

Sorry Folks..... It had to be told.....


<hr width=100% size=1>/forums/images/icons/wink.gif <font color=blue> Regards Andy </font color=blue>

 

[Metabarca]

"It had to be told"

So it did... about 5000 years ago!! But 10/10 for trying!

;-)

<hr width=100% size=1>Adriatic links here: <A target="_blank" HREF=http://www.comoy.com/saillinks.html>http://www.comoy.com/saillinks.html</A>

 

[AIDY]

Are but the old jokes are the best......

<hr width=100% size=1>/forums/images/icons/wink.gif <font color=blue> Regards Andy </font color=blue>

 

[ShipsWoofy]

What do you get if you cross a motorway with a wheelbarrow?
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Run over, silly!

<hr width=100% size=1><A target="_blank" HREF=http://www.topcatsail.co.uk>Woof</A>

 

[BrendanS]

A farmer walks into his solicitor's office looking to arrange a divorce.

"May I help you?" asks the solicitor.

"Yeah," says the farmer. "I want to get one of those dayvorces."

"Well, do you have any grounds?" asks the solicitor.

"I got about 140 acres," replies the farmer.

"No, you don't understand. Do you have a case?" asks the solicitor.

"No, I don't have a Case, but I have a John Deere," says the farmer.

"No, I don't think you understand. What I mean is, do you have a grudge?"
says the solicitor.

"Well, yes, I got a grudge," replies the farmer. "That's where I park my
John Deere."

"No sir, I mean do you have a suit?" asks the solicitor, becoming more and
more annoyed.

"Yes sir, I got a suit. I wear it to church on Sundays."

"Well sir," says the solicitor. "Does your wife beat you up or anything?"

"No sir, we both get up about 4:30am."

"Okay, let me put it this way. Why do you want a divorce?" asks the
solicitor.

The farmer looks up: "Well, I can never have a meaningful conversation with
her."

<hr width=100% size=1>Me transmitte sursum, caledoni

 

[mirabriani]

Hey that is really good.
I'll try it on a solicitor friend
Briani

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[waverider]

New cash machine instructions
Please note that the bank is installing a new Drive Thru Cash Point Machine. Customers will be able to withdraw cash without leaving their vehicles.
To enable users to use this new facility, the following procedures have been drawn up. Please read the procedure that applies to you (i.e. male or female) and remember them for when you use the machine for the first time:
MALE PROCEDURE:
1. DRIVE UP TO THE CASH MACHINE.
2. WIND DOWN YOUR CAR WINDOW.
3. INSERT CARD INTO MACHINE AND ENTER PIN.
4. ENTER AMOUNT OF CASH REQUIRED AND WITHDRAW.
5. RETRIEVE CARD, CASH AND RECEIPT.
6. WIND UP WINDOW.
7. DRIVE OFF.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
FEMALE PROCEDURE:
1. DRIVE UP TO CASH MACHINE.
2. REVERSE BACK THE REQUIRED AMOUNT TO ALIGN CAR WINDOW TO MACHINE.
3. RE-START THE STALLED ENGINE.
4. WIND DOWN THE WINDOW.
5. FIND HANDBAG, REMOVE ALL CONTENTS ONTO PASSENGER SEAT TO LOCATE CARD.
6. TURN DOWN THE RADIO.
7. ATTEMPT TO INSERT CARD INTO MACHINE.
8. OPEN CAR DOOR TO ALLOW EASIER ACCESS TO MACHINE DUE TO ITS EXCESSIVE DISTANCE FROM THE CAR.
9. INSERT CARD.
10. RE-INSERT CARD THE RIGHT WAYUP.
11. RE-ENTER HANDBAG TO FIND DIARY WITH YOUR PIN WRITTEN ON BACK PAGE.
12. ENTER PIN.
13. PRESS CANCEL AND RE-ENTER CORRECT PIN.
14. ENTER AMOUNT OF CASH REQUIRED.
15. CHECK MAKE-UP IN REAR VIEW MIRROR.
16. RETRIEVE CASH AND RECEIPT.
17. EMPTY HANDBAG AGAIN TO LOCATE PURSE AND PLACE CASH INSIDE.
18. PLACE RECEIPT IN BACK OF CHEQUE BOOK.
19. RE-CHECK MAKE UP AGAIN.
20. DRIVE FORWARD 2 METERS.
21. REVERSE BACK TO MACHINE.
22. RETRIEVE CARD.
23. RE-EMPTY HANDBAG, LOCATE CARD HOLDER AND PLACE CARD INTO THE SLOT PROVIDED.
24. RE-START STALLED ENGINE AND PULL AWAY.
25. DRIVE FOR 2 - 3 KILOMETERS........ RELEASE HANDBRAKE

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[Becky]

I would like to get cross about this, but apart from the driving and stalling bit, it seems as if you have been peeking./forums/images/icons/smile.gif

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[waverider]

LOL...sorry Becky....you have to admit though it's not a bad joke though

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[Colin_S]

Got barred from B & Q today, some jerk in orange dungarees ask me if i wanted decking, so i got the first punch in.

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