Thursday evening humour - Boaty.(ish)

claymore

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A Circus Impresario advertised for a Lion Tamer.
There were 2 applicants - one a most attractive young blonde woman with a host of natural attributes and the other a Salty Old Seadog with a wooden leg, one arm missing and a patch worn rather piratically over his left eye.
The Circus impresario showed them to the Big top and inside the cage was the nastiest most horrible looking lion, snarling and growling for all he was worth atop a high chair.
The Circus Impresario told the two applicants that the vacancy had come up as the lion had eaten the last tamer - showed them the lion tamers whip and the lion tamers chair and said - "Who wants to go first?"
The most attractive young blonde woman with the host of natural attributes said "I will" and went into the cage.
The lion went absolutely crackers leapt into the air then rushed at her in a blaze of teeth and roars.
When the lion was about 5 feet away, the young woman slipped off her coat to reveal a perfect (ly) naked body.
The lion puts on the brakes big style and slides in a cloud of sawdust to her feet where he rolls over and starts to drool and lick her ankles and lower legs, salivating all the while and becomes putty in her hands as she plays with his ears.
The young woman walks out of the cage and is met by the Circus Impresario who says "That was very impressive"
The Circus Impresario then turns to the Salty Old Seadog with wooden leg, arm missing and piratical patch and says "Can you do better than that?"









"Aye" he replies instantly "Just get rid of that fu**ing Lion"
 

bdsweeting

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There is the other 'old' one about the new lion trainer who was being given his first lesson.

The trainer told him to stand there with the whip and the chair, "if the lion charges at you shake the chair and use the whip ".

"What if he doesn't stop ?" asks the new man.

"Back up a bit and really crack that whip".

"OK, but what if he still comes at me"?, "well", said the trainer, "Bend down and pick up some of the sh*t on the floor and throw it in the lions face"

The new man thens asks, "But what if there isn't any sh*t near me"? to which the trainer replied...

"OH, there will be, there will be...."
 
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