BarryH
Active member
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Why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin?
Why women can't put on mascara with their mouth closed?
Why don't you ever see the headline "Psychic Wins Lottery"?
Why is "abbreviated" such a long word?
Why is it that doctors call what they do "practice"?
Why is it that to stop Windows 98, you have to click on "Start"?
Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and
dishwashing liquid made with real lemons?
Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?
Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush
hour?
Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food?
Why didn't Noah swat those two mosquitoes?
Why do they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?
You know that indestructible black box that is used on
airplanes? Why don't they make the whole plane out of that
stuff?
Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?
Why are they called apartments when they are all stuck
together?
If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the
terminal?
------------------
In case you needed further proof that the human race is
doomed through stupidity, here are some actual label
instructions on consumer goods.
On a Sears hairdryer: Do not use while sleeping. ( and
that's the only time I have to work on my hair).
On a bag of Fritos: ..You could be a winner! No purchase
necessary. Details inside. (the shoplifter special)?
On a bar of Dial soap: "Directions: Use like regular soap."
(and that would be how???....)
On some Swanson frozen dinners: "Serving suggestion:
Defrost." (but, it's "just" a suggestion).
On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom): "Do not
turn upside down."(well...duh, a bit late, huh)!
On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: "Product will be hot after
heating." (...and you thought????...)
On packaging for a Rowenta iron: "Do not iron clothes on
body." (but wouldn't this save me more time)?
On Boot's Children Cough Medicine: "Do not drive a car or
operate machinery after taking this medication." (We could
do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we
could just get those 5-year-olds with head-colds off those
forklifts.)
On Nytol Sleep Aid: "Warning: May cause drowsiness."
(and...I'm taking this because???....)
On most brands of Christmas lights: "For indoor or outdoor
use only." (as opposed to...what)?
On a Japanese food processor: "Not to be used for the other
use." (now, somebody out there, help me on this. I'm a bit
curious.)
On Sunsbury's peanuts: "Warning: contains nuts." (talk
about a news flash)
On an American Airlines packet of nuts: "Instructions: Open
packet, eat nuts." (Step 3: maybe, uh...fly
Delta?)
On a child's superman costume: "Wearing of this garment
does not enable you to fly." (I don't blame the company. I
blame the parents for this one.)
On a Swedish chainsaw: "Do not attempt to stop chain with
your hands or genitals." (..was there a lot of this
happening somewhere?)
Wha'dya mean "I'm always playing with this engine" its the only way to get it to run!
Why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin?
Why women can't put on mascara with their mouth closed?
Why don't you ever see the headline "Psychic Wins Lottery"?
Why is "abbreviated" such a long word?
Why is it that doctors call what they do "practice"?
Why is it that to stop Windows 98, you have to click on "Start"?
Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and
dishwashing liquid made with real lemons?
Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?
Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush
hour?
Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food?
Why didn't Noah swat those two mosquitoes?
Why do they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?
You know that indestructible black box that is used on
airplanes? Why don't they make the whole plane out of that
stuff?
Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?
Why are they called apartments when they are all stuck
together?
If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the
terminal?
------------------
In case you needed further proof that the human race is
doomed through stupidity, here are some actual label
instructions on consumer goods.
On a Sears hairdryer: Do not use while sleeping. ( and
that's the only time I have to work on my hair).
On a bag of Fritos: ..You could be a winner! No purchase
necessary. Details inside. (the shoplifter special)?
On a bar of Dial soap: "Directions: Use like regular soap."
(and that would be how???....)
On some Swanson frozen dinners: "Serving suggestion:
Defrost." (but, it's "just" a suggestion).
On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom): "Do not
turn upside down."(well...duh, a bit late, huh)!
On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: "Product will be hot after
heating." (...and you thought????...)
On packaging for a Rowenta iron: "Do not iron clothes on
body." (but wouldn't this save me more time)?
On Boot's Children Cough Medicine: "Do not drive a car or
operate machinery after taking this medication." (We could
do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we
could just get those 5-year-olds with head-colds off those
forklifts.)
On Nytol Sleep Aid: "Warning: May cause drowsiness."
(and...I'm taking this because???....)
On most brands of Christmas lights: "For indoor or outdoor
use only." (as opposed to...what)?
On a Japanese food processor: "Not to be used for the other
use." (now, somebody out there, help me on this. I'm a bit
curious.)
On Sunsbury's peanuts: "Warning: contains nuts." (talk
about a news flash)
On an American Airlines packet of nuts: "Instructions: Open
packet, eat nuts." (Step 3: maybe, uh...fly
Delta?)
On a child's superman costume: "Wearing of this garment
does not enable you to fly." (I don't blame the company. I
blame the parents for this one.)
On a Swedish chainsaw: "Do not attempt to stop chain with
your hands or genitals." (..was there a lot of this
happening somewhere?)
Wha'dya mean "I'm always playing with this engine" its the only way to get it to run!