The Most Memorable Boat Trip Ever.

[hlb]

Especialy for Claymore and all others complaining of boring, off topic, crap posts. And Paulines football matches.

A sort of Christmas epic. Just like on the tely.
Yuv no excusses, your all on holiday and plenty of spare time to compose a modern littery clasic, that might out do the Exploding toilet in The most memerable list.

Oh and if you've not got a boat or like Colin, never been anywhere, well except up the river Wissey! And we already know about that, so just make it up. I need something to read for Christmas.

Err, you thort that I was going to write it did you?
No I'm off to the pub now to dream up some inspiration.
Might depend on the feedback in the morning though. Or the hangover!

Merry Christmas

Haydn

 

[ToMo]

Haydn, I know its Christmas, and I know its supposed to be good will to all men, but if you think that I'm going to sit down and write a long story just so that you can print it off, bring it down to the SW sit on your boat in Plymouth explode the toilet (as really happened last time!) causing a bomb scare and other general mayhem...think again!!!
Merry Thingy
TôMö

 

[longjohnsilver]

Isles of Scilly, they were great.







Is that enuf?

 

[coliholic]

Excellent H, you got me there. Saw the heading and thought "oh good, Haydn's done another of his incomprehensible long diatribes".

What a disappointment.

So we've got to write the stories eh?

Well funny you shoujld say that 'cos I found a printed out copy of the ORIGINAL, "Showing him the way to go home" and I've just read it again and it's brilliant.






Well if you think I'm sitting here typing it all up again, you've got another think coming, but it's a shame you can't read it, 'cos it's VERY good.

Still never mind eh?

 

[longjohnsilver]

Come on Colic, type it!!

I'm really bored now, seems like everyone else must be out partying, even Haydn gone to the pub and I know Byron's got his office do. Still, Frasier was good!!

How did you change your name?

 

[coliholic]

OK then just for Longjohn....

OK since you really really really want to see it. Did you miss it first time round?

Let me have a fax no and I;ll send it to you and you can re type it. It's really worth the effort, made me laugh again after all this time. There's some cracking bits in it.

Oh and re the name change. Well I'm not supposed to tell anyone but since there's only us on-line I can tell you the secret. It's easy all you do is;











Say "Abracadabra".

See it's magic. Well it is the pantomime season;-)

 

[hlb]

Stop messing about Colin. And sorry for oldies but Colin asked for it . So here it is. Like I said a bit like a telly oldy.

There it is. Need Browny points for this.
This is years old and from my limited arcive

Matts yarn about his trip with Collin led me to remember a voyage I made about three years ago. It was late in the year and me and th-wife had set off from Plymouth for a three day cruise.We decided to go west cos the wind was from the east and it would'nt be as bumpy. To cut a long story short and try to get to the point of the story. The wind stay'd in the east we kept going west and when we ran out of land ( at Lands End ) did a right to keep on the lea shore and finished up in Stourport. (just short of Birmingham). We decided this would be a good place to leave the boat for the winter, and it now being only about 130 miles from home in Lancashire we could use it all winter. Especialy cos there was a lovely friendly club house at the marina. About this point(and some mounths later) in the proceadings. Th-wife decides to go all menopausal on me, so I spent most of the winter on the boat to keep out of the way of the dragon. I got to know many of the river and banana (narrow boat) boaties quite well. One day early spring I was asked if I would help bring a boat back from the Isle of White for the son of one of the banana boaters.
He. Hear in they all thought i'd made it up but honest gospel trueth

The crew was selected on the basis of, who could skip work for a few day's, with banana boat man as captain cos it was his sons boat and anyway I think he'd once been on a ferry. WE plotted course on my boats sat-nav in Stourport. Tied my dinghy on the roof of an ancient merc. (Cos it made a good roof rack) and at four in the morning, five of us squeezed into it for the trip to the Isle of White. It broke down countless times but finaly we ends up a few miles up rive from Cowes. THE BOAT. 56ft, 54 tons ex admiralty liberty boat,previously owned and lived on by a drug adict. Theres an Aga cooker chuffing away with no chimney cos drug adict has flogged it, the galley was made out of orange boxes whilst drug adict was having a bad trip! the toilet in the corner of the er---saloon was behind a curtain, held up with a washing line. The wheel house is about three feet square and consists of a wheel, gear leaver and a compass, with one screw holding it down. (so you can turn it any way round you fancy). At this time the captain takes command and slowly takes on the roll of captain Blye. Fuel is discussed and we're going to pick some up down river, before setting off for Salcolme some 80-90- miles away (this is the first time this boat has moved since the navy had it). Captain sets off a bit slowly Cos the back end's still tied up and the pontoon's comming with us. It was at this point that I started to have slight doubts about this trip!! Off we go down river, the fuel station disapearing a stern. Out into the Solent and the big stew pot on the Aga takes a tumble cos nobody on the boat has been on anything rougher than the Leeds to Liverpool canal. I've been demoted to cabin boy cos I made noises about compasses and fuel and lights and things for a fifteen hour night crossing to Salcolmbe. Anyway happily chugging down the Solent at about eight knots it's noticed that the prop shaft is wearing the stern away and water is comming in, so speed is reduced to six knots, which some what improves the situation. Captain decides to head for Poole and I get instant promotion to pilot cos I've been before and anyway I've got the charts. In poole I head for the fuel barge. Cant remember what the tank held, but we put in about twenty gallons more than full!!. So god knows how we'de have got to Salcolmbe!!! Captain takes the helm again and trys to remove the rails on an eight ton bouy. Fifty six tons meeting eight tons is quite something!! Off to the chip shop in pool for supper. Captain decides we'll set off for poole around mid night. I point out that I've never been out of Poole at night and with all the lights from cars and street lights it's hard to find the way and in any case this boat wont stop in less than two hundred yards. So lets go now whilst we can still see. Needless to say I'm back in cabin boy mode. Off captain goes totaly ignoring the fair way and heads through the middle of the moorings. Somebody rushes to the bow and franticly waves left and right as the moored craft loom into sight from the pitch black night.We did a circular tour of Poole harbour about three times before comming across the Cherbourg ferry, so captain decides to follow it out of the harbour We've got two micky mouse hand held GPS's neither of which we could get a position out of. Captain did'nt believe in all that rubbish anyway and said " You can go anywhere off a compass" The fact that this one spent most of the time rolling about on the floor and the crew put it back on it's stand in various positions, had little significance.

We plotted a course and captain went to bed. Son's wife is histerical cos she's only been on a canal boat before and it's pitch black, miles out at sea and rolling about a bit. Anyway with captain fast asleep I try to get a bit of order and make this tub a bit more sea worthy. The piece of string holding the steel cable to the rudder got fixed And I tried many times to get the captains son who was the mechanic (and had the tools) to mend the compass. But he had no interest in the compass.

Some time in the middle of the night we got one of the GPS's working and changed course a couple of times till I could see the headland Off Salcolmbe in the early morning gloom. Captain wakes up and announces "there you are. You can go anywhere off a compass". By this time I've been up most of the night. the choice for sleeping was in the fore cabin with the sons wife and the Aga cooker filling the place with smoke and not much heat or the aft cabin filled with rubbish and spare parts and freezing cold. The captain slept in the engine room which was the cleanest and warmest place on the boat. I started grumbling about breakfast and a cup of tea would be nice, About an hour later it arrived, Raw sausage butties and luke warm tea. Salcolme. Hunt round for a stove to replace the Aga. One of the crew comes back with a second hand primos. then off to the yatch club for shower and food.

Three am. and captain's ready for off. Points UP river and declares " there's the lights it's easy" I go opposite way over the bar and out to sea. Captain takes over cos I'm grumbling again cos all the smoke from the Aga is blowing into the wheel house and I cant see the channel and cant breath either. We leave him in there for a couple of hours to stew. Meanwill the crews got the primos in the saloon. and are trying to light it with the petrol for my out board. Flames five foot high and rolling about the floor.

We're heading for Falmouth, 260deg (If my memmory serves me) With the Edistone lighthouse half way across. Son and wife have had enough of miles out at sea so captain takes the scenic route around the coast. this is ok but at five-six knot's it doubles the journey time. In the mean time back at the ranch. The sea's built up to a good force six/seven and the coast is disapearing in the rain. The captain is telling the crew to steer 260deg. This might have been ok from Salcolmbe but we're now somewhere off loe!! No way can I tell him he's wrong and the crew dont know any better. We're now heading for the rocks between Fowey and Falmouth with a big following sea. When they came into view. Captain and his now first mate ( Cos he dosent know any better so dos'nt argue) decides that you've got to ease the boat round slowly, (cos they saw it in a film somwhere) and anyway they dont like the look of the big folowing sea. An hour later. the boats still heading for the rocks and the captains still going to ease it round. Things are now getting a bit serious. Captain's wedged in the three foot square wheel house. The rest of the crew are petrifide in the saloon which dos'nt have a door but a ladder and hatch like a submarine.I've had enough, so telling the crew "it's going to bounce a bit I'm through the hatch dodge the waves coming over the deck and get into the wheel house with the captain. the compass is on the floor but there is'nt room to bend down and pick it up. I can see the day marker which is a big red and white tower off Fowey so I know where I'm heading for. Captain's face is now ash white but at least some of the arragance has gone. After screaming a bit I get him to put the wheel hard over and give the engine some stick. The boat comes round fine apart from upsetting the crew down in the hold and the chiefe mechanic complaining about the prop shaft. About hundred yards off Fowey the hand held VHF comes into range and Fowey radio asks if we are having trouble getting into harbour. "No" says the captain "we've just been fishing", "Well will you let us know when you're leaving" came the reply. I booked my self into the King of Persia for the night. and caught the train the next morning. The boat did eventualy arrive at Stourport after some arguments with another bouy, a rock, and some mud. And I think Lands End is a bit shorter than it used to be.

This story is purely ficticious and the cast bare no resemblence to any person living or dead and If you've noticed I cant spell!!


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Responses


Re: Show me the way home ( the sequel)
colin -- Monday, 2 October 2000, at 8:37 p.m.
Re: Show me the way home ( the sequel)
matt s -- Sunday, 1 October 2000, at 3:33 p.m.


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Haydn

 

[longjohnsilver]

Haydn, hope you had a good evening at the pub, I'm stuck here at home trying to make some impression on the stockpile of Old Speckled Hen. Bloody good stuff.

Of course I remember the original, excellent post, how could we forget!

 

[claymore]

[url]www.sailingindepth.com[/url]

Freebooter goes North. This isn't the most memorable trip I ever had but the Grumpy Fairy has me down for a spot of retail therapy today so I haven't time to write about the time I was caught short in Ramsey and had to go in the dried out harbour, did the biz under the boat, stood up, cracked my head on the hull and then promptly sat in the biz.
Have a good Christmas - my online activities look like being curtailed a tad by the dark forces of domestic compliance.
regards
John Swannie

 

[coliholic]

OK for those of you who missed it first time round and especially LJS, here's the background story first. August 2000 and we'd had our boat trucked from the River Ouse in Cambridge to the Broads for the summer and I really fancied bringing it back home by sea. I'd done the Yachtmaster theory course the previous winter, but had never been to sea before in anything smaller than a P&O ferry. I posted on this BB a request for someone to show me how to do it and had a few offers, one of which turned out to be from the irrepressible Matts. After a couple of 'phone conversations I decided that maybe he did have half an idea as to what he was talking about and I'd let him come along as safety skipper and we arranged to meet up at Gt Yarmouth to do the 98 mile trip back to Kings Lynn.


The following is matts report of the trip, written of course in his inimitable style, which I managed to find hidden away on the C: drive under some obscure title..


Showing him the way to go home, and a weird engine problem. Posted by matt s on Monday, 25 September 2000, at 11:00 p.m.

Some of you may have seen the "show me the way to go home" posting a month or so ago. I volunteered to go along, and so after much faxing and calling, we met up last weekend to take colin's boat Aquaholic from Great Yarmouth round to King's Lynn. I arrived late in the afternoon to find Colin tweaking some part of the propellor, and then was shown round the carefully arranged flares, lifejackets, radios, spare radios the full listing of all relevant telphone numbers and radio channels on which to call various relatives, coastguards and harbours, detailed typewritten passage notes and spare copies, and about a hundred quids worth of new charts. The liferaft was in position, and he'd even taken me seriously on the Mars Bars. Of course, I nodded wisely at all this in the manner of someone who had carried out the same meticulous preparation ahem, and wondered quite why he needed me (or anyone) along at all. But this was his first time at sea, hence his posting, so one of the items, quite rightly was "someone who's been there before". Yes, we'd be able to see the navigation marks from at least a mile away. No, his riverboating mate who talked of "mooring up" to a named cardinal marker in the wash couldn't realistically have done that without either a massive steel boat, or a wild imagination. Initial checks done, we made the final preparations which were of course to go and find a restaurant and drink loads of wine, then come back and check the charts again, and then drink some more. I had been agitated by the weather, and I wondered if Colin was being a bit too fixed with his plans by not countenancing a reschedule even though the forecast was 4-5 maybe 6, albeit following southeast with following neap tide. I felt that perhaps he had asked for forecast after forecast until he had found one that he liked. As it turned out, he was right and I was being too cautious. Anyway, I said, as we leaned against the wind blowing firmly although not frighteningly over the seawall during an evening look-see at the entrance the night before, the very worst would be right at the start of the trip, so we could bottle out immediately and creep back in. The next morning and colin was ready with the bacon and eggs, and the call to the coatsguard and everything else. I'd brought a handheld chatplotter with a suitable route, staying a bit nearer inland than colin's longer route around the light blue. Aquaholic is 30 feet long, a Fairline Mirage. It could just about crack 20knots, although it rarely saw more than six or seven before this trip. Colin was cautious about the state of the river, and commented how it looked a bit rough. I knew that a mile further down he'd find the meaning of rough, as he asked for advice on how to negotiate the bungalow-sized waves awaiting him at the entrance. I told him to stay in the middle, keep going at six or seven knots, and er hang on, and that we could see it was much less rough a bit further out. Once out of course, it's rather difficult to get back in. But all seemed ok with a following sea although the engines groaned as each wave came up and took the boat off the plane down to 12 knots, followed by exciting acceleration down the other side at almost 20knots. After a few hours we'd made it past Wells, and the sea had become much calmer as the inland route shielded us from the worst of the south easterly. The sun shone. We whooped as we launched down another wave. Colin became almost perfect at holding the plotted track within 100metres. I commented that really I ought to be paying to come on the trip. Some of colin's mates called him on his mobile to ask how it was going. Apparently they were colleagues from his office who'd had a sweepstake that I wouldn't turn up, or that he'd bottle out, or worse. Then we saw a thick trail behind us of black oil. I alerted Colin to it. He throttled back and as I peered over the back, and although there were no other adverse sights or sounds, he reported a total loss of oil pressure to the starboard engine. I took the wheel as he opened the engine hatches to have a look. He turned the strbrd engine off as I held a course in ten metres of water, not far from sandbanks. The oil level was fine. He tried to restart, but it failed to respond. Indeed, the staboard panel failed even to show any electrical life whatsoevrer at any key position. We were now in a fairly serious position with only one engine, no bolt-hole until the lock forty miles away at Denver sluice, currently showing on the gps with an ETA of 12 hours away. Colin was understandably distraught, and sat down in the cockpit aghast at the situation. Perhaps we should call the coastguard he asked? I said that really we can't call the coastguard to tell them we've only got one engine, or that volvos are no good, or that the boat is a bit slow, because they'll tell us to get stuffed or words to that effect. Going back to Wells wasn't really an option: against the tide and sea we'd only make three knots and have a rotten time of it. The options were to drop anchor and try to fix it, but lose the option to continue because of the lock time. Or try to go back. Or continue on one engine and try to fix at the same time. I turned up the port engine, took back the flaps, asked colin to run off the water tank to save weight , and see what we could get out of the one engine. Eight knots. We'd go. Now running more carefuly, we could risk sneaking round closer to the sandbanks to save time. With the reasonable speed, and a tighter course it would add about three hours to our ETA, but we'd make the lock. Let's go. We rumbled along in silence. Colin made numerous inspections of electrical bits and pieces, but couldn't get any sign of life from the strbrd engine. Perhaps it hadn't siezed at all? The oil behind us that I'd seen could simply have come from the bilges pumps, maybe? The "total loss" of oil pressure could have been colin mistakenly unfamiliar with the high/low oil pressure at high/low revs. Anyway, we were back on target to make the lock ,albeit much much later than we had planned. The mood lightened. I said that I suspected that this was all a surprise "test" set up by Colin, and challenged him that he was in fact a very experienced and highly qualified boat instructor, who had rigged up the entire scenario, and as soon as we got through the lock he was going to turn the engine back on and give me a badge for not going to pieces in the middle of an engine failure. Colin unfortunately said that this was not the case. A 45-minute rainstorm hit us an hour or so later, and colin commented that without the other engine we'd be in deep shit, we had a laugh as I pointed out that now approaching the river we were only in about 5 metres of shit, which wasn't very deep at all. Colin got back to top form as we went up the Great Ouse, and he was now able to do some "Rivery" things like make a cup of tea and have biscuits. I suggested that he should set up a table and have a nice tablecloth with a proper flower arrangement if he was going to get truly Rivery. We finally made it made it through the lock and out of tidal water ten hours after setting out from Great Yarmouth. As colin had correctly predicted, the weird engine problem wasn't confined to one engine: once moored up, he turned off the port engine, and it too completely failed to restart. Net result is that colin's got more sea experience than he bargained for and saved a lot of fuel, albeit got some odd electric problem which allowed his engines to start and run, but not restart if switched off, and I'm cured of any creeping desire to bring my own boat back from the med. He said the main switches are both on, as thyey were at Great Yarmouth. Good stuff eh? And any ideas? Perhaps Colin is indeed the very serious boaty instructor and I simply failed to get a badge because I should have know to er whatever.

So that's my (and matts) Christmas offering of great adventures, more contributions needed from you all.

 

[Geoffs]

What was engine problem?

Out of interest.

 

[longjohnsilver]

Well that's not all is it Colic, you haven't told is what the engine problems were? Did you have a seized engine, did you lose all your oil and what was the problem with the lectrics.

Must have got it all fixed but we do need to know more!!

 

[coliholic]

Re: What was engine problem?

Ah well this is the embarrasing bit and I was hoping no-one would spot that. The battery switches had turned themselves off in the rough seas and since not actually marked on and off, I hadn't noticed. When Matt asked the "stupid question", "I suppose the batteries are ON?", I just thought, "bloody pillock, here we are with one engine gorn out in the middle of the North Sea and all he can do is ask stupid questions" so I told him, "course they are" and didn't actually check.

Hang head in shame. Know better for next time. Always check the SIMPLE things first.

Oh and the oil thing, we never got to the bottom of. Engines and outdrives were fine, no oil in MY bliges before or since so put it down to an oil slick in the water.

 

[hlb]

What do you mean. Silly Isles they were great!
Snow wonder everybody complaining about crap posts and drifting off to football and suspender belts if thats all you can manage. It's amaising how much writting some folk can do whilst complaining or ranting about rubbish posts, but when it comes to boat topics write something like. Went to Douglas and then to Portpatrick!!

Haydn

 

[coliholic]

Absolutely right H. It really gets on my tits when people want us to do all the work of reprining old posts and when it comes to some input from them, all we get is eight words.

So come on Long John. Give us the details

When did you go?
What route
Where d'you stay
How long did it take,
How much fuel
What speed
What's the best anchorages
What's the natives like
Do they speak English
What currency do they use
Is there electricity there
How much is fuel
Do they have Marina's or anchoring off or what?
And why are "they great"

Then you can give us some details too.

 

[longjohnsilver]

Ok ok I get the message, went there just after I got the present boat back in 98. Log book is on the boat so will try and remember details.

Set off at the end of July and called into Dartmouth, stormbound for a day which gave me the chance to tighten down new head gasket and stop oil leak from around injector pump.

Next night spent in QAB, Plymouth where our boating started years before using their launch and recovery service with a Shetland 535. Great service and lots of fun.

The brats had good fun in the dinghy, found a fair somewhere or other and came back to find a big river trip boat about to use it as a fender on his steps.

Spent the next night in Fowey, one of the prettiest harbours i have seen.

Next day good trip down to Falmouth, stayed at the public yacht harbour which incidentally has the best showers anywhere (QAB have the worst!) and set off early the next morning for Isles of Scilly. I do remember that it was flat calm and sunny. It really was magical to see the islands appear out of the slight haze. It was also weird to be in over 200' of water just a few yards off land.

Picked up a buoy in St Marys, what really struck me was the almost complete lack of stinkies, I seem to remember that there was only one other (apart from locals) and he was French, along with most of the rag and stick merchants.

The island really is beautiful with some good pubs and an excellent fish and chip van, althouigh the harbour is v busy. Even so the water is crystal clear.

Decided the next day to go over to New Grimsby Sound, between Tresco and Bryher and was lucky to find a buoy just off Compton Castle with Hangman Island just a bit further away. The shop on Bryher does the best pasties you could wish for and the veg is out of this world, I have never tasted carrots half as good, and all from honesty stalls.

New Grimsby Sound is recognised as the safest place to stay, even so it was weird to see the Atlantic swells breaking 30' or so up the rocks just a 100 yards or so away but to be completely still tied up to the buoy.

Stopped there for another 3 nights or so, doing plenty of walking and drinking both on board and in the local pubs. another great thing about Scilly is that there are no marinas so everyone has to fend for themselves. I'm sure that this helps retain the superb character of the place.

I've not been anywhere that matches the huge golden sands to be seen at low water, can even walk between many of the islands.

On the buoy we could see the sea bed at 30' and also the fish swimming around. No1 brat managed to catch a few plump mackerel for supper, he also managed not to secure the dinghy one night, luckily used the search light to find it and prevent it floating off to america on the tide.

We had sun all day every day, couldn't have been better, but decidedto leave when the forecast looked as though the weather was going to turn. One small problem was the fog which meant that we couldn't even see the boat on the next buoy. However cleared enuf by midday to make a run for it, if 10 -12 knots can be said to be running!

Aimed to get to falmouth before dark, but ended up on the helford River. I still remember being in the cockpit and hearing the fish jump and no other noises at all.

Stopped at Fowey again, most memorable sight was a huge shoal of mackerel that we caught on video, have never seen so many fish, and have never seen mackerel swimmoing around so near the surface. Shame about the tripping boat skipper who seemed to think he had sole viewing rights!!

Skipped Plymouth and stayed in Salcombe, one of my favourite anchorages, again great beaches and clean water. Arrived safely back in Exmouth the next evening, covered about 350 miles, seas almost always flat, only on day which wasn't sunny and hot. No wonder I enjoyed the Isles of Scilly, can't wait to get back but not had the opportunity since.

If you have the chance GO, you won't regret it, must be one of the most beautiful places on earth.

 

[coliholic]

Lonjohn\'s been to Tesco

Nice start LJ, but missed out all the bits about breakdown's and MOB etc. Good try 6/10.

H's is in the lead at present, think we all need to add something interesting to his post for him to give it a bit of a sparkle

 

[longjohnsilver]

Re: Lonjohn\'s been to Tesco

Only 6 out of bloody ten! Spent hours typing that with 2 fingers just for you Colic. Must agree though H's tale is great, only wish he'd finish it!!

 

[coliholic]

Re: Lonjohn\'s been to Tesco

Yep 6/10. Must try harder.

Don't want H to finish it too soon, he's on version 5, we've had two V3's and he forgot V4, but have you noticed how he's leaving the return key alone (at long last) so we're almost getting proper sentences and his spolling is gitting batter?

I know his story is about as interesting as having your teeth filled, but don''t put him off. Poor old sod, hasn't got much going for him at his time of life, least we can do is give the old duffer some encouragement and there's nothing much of any interest going on here at the moment anyway.

I've even been reading some of the posts on buttscuttle and povertystricken boat owner forums. BTW PBO has got a post called "Mainsail travellers" and the answers are hilarious. Don't know if they've got their own language going, but I can't make head or tail of it. Not that I find the subject even remotely interesting, but I think they're using English words, just not in any way I'm familiar with.

 

[hlb]

Re: Lonjohn\'s been to Tesco

That bloody elf is making me sick Colin, cant you slow the bugger down!!

Haydn