Thanking God !!

[hlb]

Thanks To Mike and others for the Weather forcast.
To Nick for the Western Isles.
And I cant realy bring myself to thanking Colin cos he's always slaging me off!!

But here we go. Thanks Colin.
Oh!! and that go's for all the contributors to these threads too.

Unless I've got the whole plot wrong, thats what this site is supposed to be about.

I dont mind answering a few questions about mending punctures in fenders, or the best way to polish the flag Ort
wifes bum for that matter!!

But we want interesting tales.
Humourous stories ( even if you have to exaggerate a bit and look daft) They've been calling me daft on here for years!!
Oh!! and spelling. That dont count alot on here cos its about boats wots important and the. Where you bin and done that matters.

Well thats my rule anyway.

So for prizes. Mike Colin and Nick and the rest in the threads
can have three Gardeners Question Time type Questions each, and the rest of you can bugger off till youve done sumat
daft stupid or interesting. Err cept Matt. He can have a point too cos he's always daft.

Oh!! and whilst on the subject can we have some interesting
Bio's too!!

Computer programer from Accrington just wont do!!



Haydn

 

[Guest]

Just because I come from God's country, there is no need to think of me as god although there are of course a few women who have done so.

The post about losing your channel virginity below reminded me of an incident when I chartered a boat in what is now Croatia, many moons ago so you might want to look at that.

Nick

 

[hlb]

International Collision At Sea

I’m being posh now Nick and writing in Word so as to, no spelling mistakes. Mind you with my spelling
The checker don’t work so good.

My foreign adventures were in the Greek Isles on a rag boat.
Thought we’d take a narrow passage between two islets. There was a boat at one side of the passage but what the hell!!

Next thing is. I sees a long rope with loads of buoys on it about 20ft in front of us and about 2ft under the surface.
Ever tried to stop a rag boat in 20ft?? Well we did stop but with the net round everything.
I got some plan in my head at the time so throws the anchor over. But next news, we’re heading for the moored boat and dragging the anchor!!

The Greek crew are looking a bit narked so I get the fags out and the beer, so then every things now ok.
So after cutting there nets to ribbons, they give us a tow back to harbour.
I tries to dive under the boat but I don’t swim so well and its cold, so I sends th-wife down but she’s too fat and keep coming up to the surface. I reached for the boat hook and ?? But no good.

Next brilliant idea is to get on the radio to one of the flotilla leaders from same charter firm.
An hour latter he turns up. Soon has the net from round the prop.
But then he starts shouting about Greek law and compensation and other things. Then he goes off talking to the fisherman about how much compensation he wanted. ( he didn’t want any before)
Next he rings the local admiralty or what ever they have.

The local admiral turns up with the fuzz.
Cos we’ve now got an international collision at sea!!
So all the formalities have to be followed.
They nick our passports and go back to town, about 20 miles away,
Telling us to go visit them tomorrow and they’ve impounded our boat
And the fisher man’s!!
Well!! The fisherman really did want compensation now!!
His nets in ribbons and his boats impounded till he can get a surveyor down to check his boat for seaworthiness.

Anyway next day he gives us a lift into town to see the admiral.
We are there all bloody day just waiting about. But then I have to write a statement and he gets it translated.

Seems they'd miss understood the pigion English telephone call. But then once the paper work had started!!

Next day he turns up back at the boat, gives us the passports back, but tells us we’ve got to go back the 60 miles to Corfu to get the boat examined. (Well if it was going to sink!!)
So its back to Corfu. Twelve hours away in the baking heat.
The charter firm gave us another boat and gave the idiot that had wrung the admiral a suitable telling off.
So that’s the first week of our holiday gone.
Oh!! Yes and a load of Greek Drachma for the fisherman.
Turns out he was wrong in the first place for having no flags on his net.

Got stuck in two more lots of nets the next week but made sure to keep quiet about it.




Haydn

 

[duncan]

How do you mend a punctured fender? Just found a pinprick hole in one. Hot knife or is there something clever?

 

[Deleted User YDKXO]

Hadyn (is that spelt right?), I'm truly honoured by your award of a prize. However, every court has a jester but there's usually only room for one and we've got 2 already. Try the Beano for daft stories. Take your point re Bio's - mine's updated

 

[hlb]

The Beano !!

What do you mean Mike?? No daft stories!!
We've been telling each other daft, interesting, and funny stories on here for the past three years.
I was just commenting on the lack of them recently.
EER!! and no the spelling isn't quite right yet Mike, but have another go.

After all you've got three points to use up!!

Haydn