Suffer UK for the Kids? Or go!

[pendlecats]

We are looking to get a full time live aboard, then move around for the next 10++ years, poss. Spain or Portugal for the first couple of years specking up before going further.

Problem is we have “Three” growing up Daughters, One has a life and a 20month daughter of her own (which we have been very close to), the second is just set in a good career and will be ok on her own with the odd visits.
The main worry is our youngest who is very homely and going to college this year.

We initially thought of staying in a UK marina (NW) for the two years the youngest is in college, then moving to say La Corunna when she goes to University where we can visit her twice a year and she us twice a year.

But we don’t think we could stand the UK (weather…costs…weather…having to work…weather) in a boat deigned for us two for this length of time and are worried about leaving her in the UK (at her grans) for the most of the first two years.

I wonder if anyone has battled the same dilemma…..and solved it

Teleport hasn’t been invented yet
The girls are great so sodding off quickly before they know what’s happened is out!

Or maybe a family that has lived on board a 35ish foot boat in the UK for a couple of years and lived to tell the tale

By the way our daughter would consider living on board

 

[albineer]

If you need to ask the question perhaps you ought to stay for a couple of years. You'll never forgive yourselves if things go wrong.

 

[oxman]

Just go - they are ony a flight away from most places in Europe/the med.

We came back to UK from Kenya to be close to family but have seen little of them so have sold up, bought the boat and are moving away again - my folks are still in Kenya and its no big deal - if they need you they will call and lets face it you can get anywhere in the world in 24 hours!

It would appear your youngest daughter has 2 big sisters to help her out anyway!

Go for it - you will regret it if you dont !

 

[rubberduck]

[ QUOTE ]
If you need to ask the question perhaps you ought to stay for a couple of years. You'll never forgive yourselves if things go wrong.

[/ QUOTE ]

I second that, be there if she needs you. /forums/images/graemlins/smile.gif

 

[ribrage]

I live on board and my two eldest NEVER visit here in the UK, if I was somewhere warm and sunny, theyd be queueing up for "free" holidays.

I only stay here because my two youngest kids get to visit every other weekend and they love it on the boat, but I know they will change their opinions as they get older, so I figure then Ill clear off..... till then more strong wind warnings,torrential rain and leaky hatches, damp clothes, soggy bedding, and wet feet.... ho hum

You want my advice get and go, you can always come back if it dont work, and if you dont try you'll never know.

 

[roly_voya]

Have you asked her what she thinks?

 

[Gerry]

We left when our youngest was 17! She coped, not always well but she coped! And has grown in to an independent, intelligent, young woman of whom we are very proud.

For the first 2 years`we based ourselves in Portugal, just a cheap flight from home(London) and returned every 3 months or so. Once the 'weaning' period was over we sailed across the Atlantic and have never been happier.

Go now, your relationship with your kids sounds strong and our experience has been that it simply strengthens even more.
With sailmail on board we can be in constant email touch wherever we are and cheap mobile phones in Europe meant we were able to talk whenever the kids needed( or I did!)

The only regret I have is that we did not go sooner....

www.gerryantics.blogspot.com

 

[whipper_snapper]

[ QUOTE ]
The main worry is our youngest who is very homely and going to college this year.

[/ QUOTE ]

That is not a worry that is an opportunity! Take it! It will be good for everyone.

(PS I hope you mean 'homely' in the UK sense not the American sense!)

 

[charles_reed]

Everybody has an opinion

... not necessarily correct, because each family and every individual is different.

My experience was - when they went to university the weaning from home started. Girls were far more independent than boys, by the time they were into higher degrees, coming "home" was just for a visit, their real homes were at university.
That started 26 years ago - if any thing kids are more independent now than then.

It's only now that they've families of their own, that visits to the boat, in warmer climes is proving attractive - so much so that the need for a larger boat is becoming obtrusive.

Why not discuss it with them? It's probable that your fears are yours, not the childer's.

PS Planning cruises to fit with holidays and partners' wishes, requires long negotiation and tediously meticulous planning!!
I'm right in the middle of doing it for next year...

 

[Happydaze]

Our eldest went off to uni. the youngest went to Camp America for 6 months and we went sailing. That was 7 years ago and we try to get together at least once a year. It's not just whether the girls can handle it, can you, without being too homesick? It's often having grandchildren that grow so quickly back home that cause a feeling of missing out. We have not crossed that bridge yet.
/forums/images/graemlins/confused.gif

 

[davidbains]

If your youngest is going to ?sixth form college this year presumably she's 16.
I would be inclined to wait till she's at uni b4 disappearing. She needs her own room
and parental support to obtain good A2 grades and through the UCAS process.
That's my excuse anyway!

 

[macd]

Re: Everybody has an opinion

Couldn't agree more. After a couple of terms at uni you might barely recognise her. And again, has she expressed a view? If it bothers her, perhaps most prudent course to wait until she's settled in there. You might even find she can't wait to crew for you in her first summer vac -- if only to make sure you've really cleared off /forums/images/graemlins/wink.gif

And depending where she's at college, it might be cheaper for her to reach you via Faro/Lisbon/wherever. Flights each way are as little as £25 including taxes.

Good luck.

 

[captainslarty]

Re: Everybody has an opinion

In reply to Pendlecats.........

Hi Andrew, you know my thoughts lol (ps gang, Pendlecats is a very good friend of mine!)
It is always going to be a difficult decision, whatever you do. Most will agree me thinks that the hardest thing is actually making the decision in the first place.
There is a heck of a lot of experience of parent / kids / grandchild relationships on this forum. We have no kids, never have had, so our advice in this area is not really objective. We have discussed at length choice of boats / gear etc.
The hardest thing in your plans is the 'living on a boat in the UK', especially in the NW. It could potentially ruin it for you due to crappy weather and costs. But, I appreciate the position you are in.
Hope you decide and sort it all out, and are happy whatever you decide.
See you in 6 weeks.
Love to all there from Joe n Jayne n Molly.

 

[temptress]

Go - they are no longer KIDS.

We headed off when the youngest went to Uni. We are back in the UK for a bit topping up the bank balance (heading out again 2009 for a very extended time!).

They have to stand on their own feet sometime but if you are really worried about them (or aged parents or some such) then perhaps the lifestyle is not for you.

I would go off for a few years somewhere easily accessable like the MED or West indies both have good flight links to the UK and see how YOU cope - your kids will get used to it and build their own lives which will include you but not revolve around you.

 

[captainslarty]

Well said. /forums/images/graemlins/ooo.gif

 

[pendlecats]

Good God! I am new to this and it was my first post – Enormous Thanks To All so far (specially Joe – Captainslarty) who put me on to this p.s. recognise me and Julie at your helm.

I wanted to ask a safe question at first, but thought what the hell, might as well get some supporting ideas for our most difficult question, as we are selling up and not waiting (family past history has taught me if I wait it wont happen).
The main reason for our dilemma is doing it and covering our budget.

To cover some comments-
Our daughters have all discussed this with us, the middle one gave up full time Law studies (not all for this reason), she really landed on her feet – fully due to her integrity – and is with a Law firm who is to cover all her costs towards becoming a Lawyer for them.

Our youngest (yes is 16) is happy to live with us on the boat in the UK but worried about being with her Gran (who is still active but awkward) but happy to be with her sister (me thinks she can join in the odd party – her sister thinks not) /forums/images/graemlins/smirk.gif. – Yes whipper-snapper she is very close to us.

If the UK wasn’t so expensive with horrid weather we would defiantly stay the initial two years but as -

OXMAN Quote:

..... till then more strong wind warnings, torrential rain and leaky hatches, damp clothes, soggy bedding, and wet feet.... ho hum


We (mainly due to Captainslarty’s comments) are worried we will just hate it .

At the mo I think it will be UK 1 year misery but close, as a stepping stone, then two in a close European marina as Gerry said.

That is unless further comments from you guys changes my mind, its helping to hear how you’ve balanced this quandary

 

[pendlecats]

/forums/images/graemlins/frown.gifAbsolutly!
[ QUOTE ]
It's not just whether the girls can handle it, can you, without being too homesick? It's often having grandchildren that grow so quickly back home that cause a feeling of missing out.

[/ QUOTE ]
This is a hard issue which will not impact fully until we are away - especially for Julie, I have in my career travelled extensively and missed out a lot - some of which I regret to this day, Budget means two/three visits a year in the first 5 years or so then ? ? ?

 

[PlanB]

Provided your kids are happy, I should just go for it. There are so many pleasant marinas in France, Portugal or Spain where you can be a two hour (ish) flight away. Many of us have to face a similar sort of problem at the other end of the age scale - with the old parents! I think there comes a point when you have to balance your own quality of life with the needs of others, tough as it may seem.

 

[captainslarty]

Welcome aboard Andrew n Julie, nice to have you guys here.
We have discussed, at length, over many a Brandy the ins and outs of the liveaboard life, the boat, the reality of space, the budgetry constraints that actually ADD to the experience. The reliance on you own integrity, strength of Mind and skills, electrical, mechanical, problem solving, Financial control and perserverence is what gives us a buzz.

But, as said in the previous post, I really can offer no advice at all re the familly side. What ever you do you will be ok.. Just take it a step at a time. Ask and Thou shalt receive.. well, lol, here, thou will receive plenty.... take it in, balance it and take the middle ground unless you are slightly insane.. however, after knowing you guys for more years than I would like to remember.. yes, you ARE slightly insane, it really is a good start.. it WILL be a great shock, culture change and readjustment to a whole new way of thinking day to day and globaly.
But hey !!! ?.. who give a Krap about soggy old england and the pervy corrupt infrastructure.. some posts in the lounge called spain a bad place recently.. they just dont understand. the UK is not the B all and END all.. it really is the pits most of the time ...............
A Child who travels and learns is worldly wise enough to enjoy her youth....
(CS 2008 lol)

Again, ask away, all the things you think might appear silly, well, they aint, they is the bread and butter of this way of life if it is with no mortgage, comittments, huge bills, etc etc....
BUT, you HAVE to want it.. for all the right reasons.. because it is destined, so to speak... like falling in love, you know if its right, and the older you get, the sillier you get, so the Kids have a head start on you guys.....
Food for thought... Munch........... /forums/images/graemlins/wink.gif

 

[ribrage]

living on board in uk IMHO is not great, last "season" I use the word sparingly I was getting off the boat in wet weather gear working all day in ... wet weather gear. Getting back on the boat in wet weather gear.


Then leaving wet weather gear in the heads to drip into the shower tray, with a heater and dehumidifier running all night so that they'd be marginally drier the next morning, and then Id start the process all over again the next day!!

The moisture content on the boat meant that EVERYTHING felt damp bedding,clothes, the lot bearing in mind this is on a 50ft insulated steel boat with generator,electric heating and dehumidifier running !

I got to the point in early August of looking at my finances to see if they would stretch to renting a house just to get off the damn boat... (and I love the rusty ol ketch)

The guys in sunnier climes can swan around in t shirts and shorts for nine monthes of the year getting a tan <ducks for cover> and spend the other 3 monthes of "winter" with 2 t shirts on <runs for help>

And whilst living on board is cheaper than a house, the bills aint that much different, and the marina costs here are damned high compared to other parts of the world.

If I had a choice Id head south asap....

/forums/images/graemlins/ooo.gif