Start the day with a giggle ...

[paulineb]

... they made me giggle anyway !

The finest double entendres from TV and Radio - some old, some new:

Michael Buerk watching Phillipa Forrester cuddle up to a male astronomer for warmth during BBC's UK eclipse coverage remarked:- "They are cold out there, they're rubbing each other and he's only come in his shorts"

Mike Hallet discussing missed snooker shots on Sky Sports:- " Stephen Hendry jumps on Steve Davis's misses every chance he gets"

Jack Burnicle was talking about Colin Edwards' tyre choice on World Superbike Racing:- "Colin had a hard on in practise earlier, and I bet he wished he had a hard on now"

Chris Tarrant discussing the first millionaire winner Judith Keppel on This Morning:- "She was practising fastest finger first by herself in bed last night"

Winning Posts Stewart Machin commentating on jockey Tony McCoys formidable lead:- "Tony has a quick look between his legs and likes what he sees"

Ross King discussing relays with champion runner Phil Redmond:- "Well Phil, tell us about your amazing third leg"

Clair Frisby talking about a jumbo Hot Dog on Look North:- "There's nothing like a big hot sausage inside you on a cold night like this"

James Allen interviewing Ralf Schumacher at a Grand Prix asked :- "What does it feel like to be rammed up the backside by Barrichello?"

Steve Ryder covering the US Masters:- "Ballesteros felt much better today after a 69"

Steve Leonard talking about vegetation on Vets In The Wild, told Trude:- "There's something big growing between my legs"

Carenza Lewis about finding food in the Middle Ages on Time Team Live said: - "You'd eat beaver if you could get it"

A female news anchor who, the day after it was supposed to have snowed and didn't, turned to the weatherman and asked:- "So Bob, where's that eight inches you promised me last night?" Not only did he have to leave the set but half the crew did too because they were laughing so hard!

US PGA Commentator:- "One of the reasons Arnie (Arnold Palmer) is playing so well is that, before each tee shot, his wife takes out his balls and kisses them .........oh my god !!!! What have I just said"

Harry Carpenter at the Oxford - Cambridge Boat Race in 1977:- "Ah, isn't that nice. The wife of the Cambridge President is kissing the cox of the Oxford crew"

New Zealand Rugby Commentator:- "Andrew Mehrtens loves it when Daryl Gibson comes inside him"

And finally Pat Glenn - Weightlifting Commentator:- "And this is Gregoriava from Bulgaria. I saw her snatch this morning and it was amazing

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[jhr]

Brian Johnson during an England vs W. Indies Test match:

"The bowler's Holding, the batsman's Willey...."

David Coleman (I think) on a runner who's name I forget:

"..and now he's really opening his legs and showing his class"

And I fondly recall Murray Walker, many years ago. What he meant to say was "James Hunt's car"... but he got his words mixed, like the Reverend Spooner.

<hr width=100% size=1><P ID="edit"><FONT SIZE=-1>Edited by jhr on 11/04/2003 09:14 (server time).</FONT></P>

 

[DavidJ]

well done Pauline, they are brilliant.
David

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[qsiv]

Brilliant - although of course I dont understand why they are funny...

Dont forget the BBC anouncer who introduced an interview with the then Labour Chancellor ...

and now we have an interview with Sir Stifford Crapps.

It was Enoch Powell who steted that
'compulsory sterilisation is quite inconcievable' - a remarkably moderat point of view for him!

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[Trevethan]

The start of something big?

Question:

What Pauline's Bed-does

Answers on a postcard please!

Apols if its been done before..

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[Dave_Snelson]

and don\'t forget Trevor McDoughnut...

... who wanted to say "The Kent Countryside"......but got it very badly mixed up.

<hr width=100% size=1>Madoc Yacht Club
<A target="_blank" HREF=http://www.madocyachtclub.co.uk>http://www.madocyachtclub.co.uk</A>

 

[paulineb]

and how could I forget my friend Debbie .....

... who startled the young guy in Homebase garden centre when she asked for a pink clitoris. He went bright red and stammered a bit and said he wasn't sure what sort of plant that was. So she asked him if he had a picture of one. After lots of laughter from staff members and customers, and a few more red faces, it turned out that she wanted a clematis.

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[Dave_Snelson]

Re: and how could I forget my friend Debbie .....

Hi Pauline - thankyou for your collection of giggles. I'm still grinning now.

I do hope the weather is as nice where you are as it is oop north where I am. Have a good weekend.

<hr width=100% size=1>Madoc Yacht Club
<A target="_blank" HREF=http://www.madocyachtclub.co.uk>http://www.madocyachtclub.co.uk</A>

 

[jhr]

Understandable confusion

Some years ago, SWMBO and I were on holiday with some mates and took to drinking Poor Man's Black Velvet - Guinness and cider, mixed (we were young and foolish in those days). After drinking a few of these one night SWMBO, who was a little confused by this point, staggered up to the bar to get her round in. To the great amusement of all present, she asked for "four of those Black Man's Things".

In the immortal words of numerous News of the World reporters, we made an excuse and left.

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[sailbadthesinner]

i don't criticise referees and i am not changing so i refuse to comment about that prat

Ron Atkinson

<hr width=100% size=1><font color=red>I can't walk on water, but I do run on Guinness</font color=red>

 

[jfm]

Just read these, still giggling. Dont forget the Irish whisky connoisseur, travelling on business in NY, who asked the dark waitress if she had a black bush.

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[Alistairr]

Re: and how could I forget my friend Debbie .....

My mate wants to call his new boat "The Cli Torus"

Do you think it would be accepted?

<hr width=100% size=1>"INDIANA Has Been Born"
<A target="_blank" HREF=http://www.hamptonandmcmurray.co.uk>Hampton and McMurray</A>

 

[paulineb]

Re: and how could I forget my friend Debbie .....

noooo

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