suse
Active member
The questions below about Australia, are from potential visitors. They
> >were posted on an Australian Tourism Website and the answers are the
> >actual responses by the website officials, who obviously have a sense of
>humour.
> >
> >Q: Does it ever get windy in Australia? I have never seen it rain on
> >TV, how do the plants grow? (UK).
> >A: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around watching
> >them die.
> >
> >Q: Will I be able to see kangaroos in the street? (USA)
> >A: Depends how much you've been drinking.
> >
> >Q: I want to walk from Perth to Sydney - can I follow the railroad
>tracks?
> >(Sweden)
> >A: Sure, it's only three thousand miles, take lots of water.
> >
> >Q: Is it safe to run around in the bushes in Australia? (Sweden)
> >A: So it's true what they say about Swedes.
> >
> >Q: Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in Australia? Can you send me a
> >list of them in Brisbane, Cairns, Townsville and Hervey Bay? (UK)
> >A: What did your last slave die of?
> >
> >Q: Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Australia?
> >(USA)
> >A: A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe.
> >Aus-tra-lia is that big island in the middle of the Pacific which does
> >not... oh forget it. Sure, the hippo racing is every tuesday night in
> >Kings Cross. Come naked.
> >
> >Q: Which direction is North in Australia? (USA)
> >A: Face south and then turn 180 degrees. Contact us when you get here
> >and we'll send the rest of the directions.
> >
> >Q: Can I bring cutlery into Australia? (UK)
> >A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do.
> >
> >Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule? (USA)
> >A: Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which
> >is...oh forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday
> >night in Kings Cross, straight after the hippo races. Come naked.
> >
> >Q: Can I wear high heels in Australia? ( UK)
> > A: You are a British politician, right?
> >
> >Q: Are there supermarkets in Sydney and is milk available all year round?
> >(Germany)
> >A: No, we are a peaceful civilization of vegan hunter/gatherers. Milk
> >is illegal.
> >
> >Q: Please send a list of all doctors in Australia who can dispense
> >rattlesnake serum. (USA)
> >A: Rattlesnakes live in A-meri-ca which is where YOU come from. All
> >Australian snakes are perfectly harmless, can be safely handled and
> >make good pets.
> >
> >Q: I have a question about a famous animal in Australia, but I forget
> >its name. It's a kind of bear and lives in trees. (USA)
> >A: It's called a Drop Bear. They are so called because they drop out of
>Gum
> >trees and eat the brains of anyone walking underneath them. You can
> >scare them off by spraying yourself with human urine before you go out
>walking.
> >
> >Q: Do you have perfume in Australia? (France)
> >A: No, WE don't stink.
> >
> >Q: I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Can
> >you tell me where I can sell it in Australia? (USA)
> >A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather.
> >
> >Q: Can you tell me the regions in Tasmania where the female population
> >is smaller than the male population? (Italy)
> >A: Yes, gay nightclubs.
> >
> >Q: Do you celebrate Christmas in Australia? (France)
> >A: Only at Christmas.
> >
> >Q: I was in Australia in 1969 on R+R, and I want to contact the girl I
> >dated while I was staying in Kings Cross. Can you help? (USA)
> >A: Yes, and you will still have to pay her by the hour.
> >
> >Q: Will I be able to speak English most places I go? (USA)
> >A: Yes, but you'll have to learn it first
> >were posted on an Australian Tourism Website and the answers are the
> >actual responses by the website officials, who obviously have a sense of
>humour.
> >
> >Q: Does it ever get windy in Australia? I have never seen it rain on
> >TV, how do the plants grow? (UK).
> >A: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around watching
> >them die.
> >
> >Q: Will I be able to see kangaroos in the street? (USA)
> >A: Depends how much you've been drinking.
> >
> >Q: I want to walk from Perth to Sydney - can I follow the railroad
>tracks?
> >(Sweden)
> >A: Sure, it's only three thousand miles, take lots of water.
> >
> >Q: Is it safe to run around in the bushes in Australia? (Sweden)
> >A: So it's true what they say about Swedes.
> >
> >Q: Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in Australia? Can you send me a
> >list of them in Brisbane, Cairns, Townsville and Hervey Bay? (UK)
> >A: What did your last slave die of?
> >
> >Q: Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Australia?
> >(USA)
> >A: A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe.
> >Aus-tra-lia is that big island in the middle of the Pacific which does
> >not... oh forget it. Sure, the hippo racing is every tuesday night in
> >Kings Cross. Come naked.
> >
> >Q: Which direction is North in Australia? (USA)
> >A: Face south and then turn 180 degrees. Contact us when you get here
> >and we'll send the rest of the directions.
> >
> >Q: Can I bring cutlery into Australia? (UK)
> >A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do.
> >
> >Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule? (USA)
> >A: Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which
> >is...oh forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday
> >night in Kings Cross, straight after the hippo races. Come naked.
> >
> >Q: Can I wear high heels in Australia? ( UK)
> > A: You are a British politician, right?
> >
> >Q: Are there supermarkets in Sydney and is milk available all year round?
> >(Germany)
> >A: No, we are a peaceful civilization of vegan hunter/gatherers. Milk
> >is illegal.
> >
> >Q: Please send a list of all doctors in Australia who can dispense
> >rattlesnake serum. (USA)
> >A: Rattlesnakes live in A-meri-ca which is where YOU come from. All
> >Australian snakes are perfectly harmless, can be safely handled and
> >make good pets.
> >
> >Q: I have a question about a famous animal in Australia, but I forget
> >its name. It's a kind of bear and lives in trees. (USA)
> >A: It's called a Drop Bear. They are so called because they drop out of
>Gum
> >trees and eat the brains of anyone walking underneath them. You can
> >scare them off by spraying yourself with human urine before you go out
>walking.
> >
> >Q: Do you have perfume in Australia? (France)
> >A: No, WE don't stink.
> >
> >Q: I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Can
> >you tell me where I can sell it in Australia? (USA)
> >A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather.
> >
> >Q: Can you tell me the regions in Tasmania where the female population
> >is smaller than the male population? (Italy)
> >A: Yes, gay nightclubs.
> >
> >Q: Do you celebrate Christmas in Australia? (France)
> >A: Only at Christmas.
> >
> >Q: I was in Australia in 1969 on R+R, and I want to contact the girl I
> >dated while I was staying in Kings Cross. Can you help? (USA)
> >A: Yes, and you will still have to pay her by the hour.
> >
> >Q: Will I be able to speak English most places I go? (USA)
> >A: Yes, but you'll have to learn it first
