Serious Question - Scattering ashes in the sea

oGaryo

oGaryo

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Deb's just come home from work, she owns a beauty salon in a retirement village. One of her regular customers recently lost her husband and it transpires they did alot of boating together. Long story short, the old dear in her late 70's would love to be able to scatter her late husbands ashes in the sea. Debbie mentioned we have a boat and tentatively offered to make her wish come true to which she enthusiastically accepted.

So what now, on the assumption this is followed through at the request of this widow, what is the protocol? take the boat out and let her do as she pleases or is there typically some sort of ceremony that might be required.

Probably one of the weirdest questions ever to be posed in the mobo section eh but in all seriousness, I'd like to be prepared to do right by this lady should this, what is probably a spur of the moment gesture, be followed through.

many thanks
 
Friend of mine does ashes scattering on a regular basis, he just asks the relatives what they want, makes sure the ashes get spread down wind and is building up his own bank in the river.
 
I don't beleive there is any formal protocol to follow, more a case of find out what the widow would like to have happen, i.e spread ashes and lay a few flowers for example.

Where i moor, a number of boats were part of a club cruise a couple of years ago. The spreading of a past members ashes was planned on the return trip from Cardiff, intending to spread the ashes between the Holms. Long story short the weather was too rough to make the intended destination, so plan B and the ashes were spread off Portishead point. Queue the farce whereby half the ashes blew over the boat / crew that was dropping them, and the remainder that made it into the sea and the flowers we dropped got run over by a container ship not 15 mins later when it exited Portbury dock.
Morale of the story, make sure you pick a nice calm day to carry out the ceremony :) .
 
From what I've heard, the two standard cockups are making all the non-boaty relatives wet/uncomfortable/seasick en route, and getting the ashes blown around in an unseemly fashion (all over the mourners, into an engine air intake, etc). Both hopefully avoidable with a bit of thought and attention to the weather.

Pete
 
I've seen it done by RNLI; in that particular case, they put a crew member in a wet suit into the water and he opened the casket a couple of inches above the water line and poured them on the surface; he then weighted the casket with stones, capped it and sunk it.
 
oGaryo said:
Deb's just come home from work, she owns a beauty salon in a retirement village. One of her regular customers recently lost her husband and it transpires they did alot of boating together. Long story short, the old dear in her late 70's would love to be able to scatter her late husbands ashes in the sea. Debbie mentioned we have a boat and tentatively offered to make her wish come true to which she enthusiastically accepted.

So what now, on the assumption this is followed through at the request of this widow, what is the protocol? take the boat out and let her do as she pleases or is there typically some sort of ceremony that might be required.

Probably one of the weirdest questions ever to be posed in the mobo section eh but in all seriousness, I'd like to be prepared to do right by this lady should this, what is probably a spur of the moment gesture, be followed through.

many thanks
Click to expand...

Done a few of these over the years.Good advice has already been delivered by our forum members but I would suggest that if possible one of your well briefed crew/ attendees stands near the lady at the moment of committal, one of my colleagues had the bereaved try to follow the ashes in.. Suggest also calm seas and light winds, especially in a yacht, and that one of the attendees (other than the bereaved) is also the official scatterer of the ashes - we usually actually pour the ashes from the container into the sea from a kneeling position close to the rail/side. It's also a good idea to talk the bereaved through the planned sequence of events prior to the ceremony.

I am sure you can google a brief Order of Service, however if not able to find please pm me and I will send you one through. An Order of Service adds some direction and dignity to the occasion and they can always be modified to meet the bereaved requirements.

Hope that helps. Good luck.

S1975
 
I did this once for Louise's sister-in-laws father, who was in the Navy, and passed away.
It went smoothly for us.

Things to consider:
- Most of the people on-board will not be boaters, so best to keep it a short trip for the purpose of the scattering only.
- Calm seas or a quiet sheltered area are essential.
- We came to a halt in a quiet spot, and sister-in-law recited a short reading.
- At the end of the reading, ashes were scattered from the stern, and a small wreath thrown.
- 60 seconds or so of thoughtful silence, then engines restarted and head back.
- Wind direction is critical: ashes should go downwind, not all over the boat, or the attendees.
 
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Perfect, exactly what I was hoping for guys and several things in there that might not have crossed my mind. :encouragement:

thank you
 
Scattered my dad in Oulton broad. Exactly as above, wind is the key.

We were also surprised by the volume of his ashes - there was a lot more in the urn than we expected. Five family members all had a turn at some scattering, but this actually left a fair amount in the urn so we all had another go. Added a bit of lightness to a solemn occasion, but I can't guarantee that everyone would see the funny side.
 
Been involved in this event a few times and as has been stated, have a little bit of a plan or running order ,adds a bit of gravity to the event. Think about scattering the ashes off a easily located location,basically to easily relocate site in future,perhaps from shore visits in the future. You may want to think about not having the ashes in a posh plastic pot but in the basic disposable cardboard container.
As my family has been on the water for many generations,we have a favoured local spot we use as the need arises,
Most of my boating trips out go past this spot.
If in river,you may want to telephone previously the local VTS to mention what you are up to. Boats dumping stuff in the water do sometimes attract interest.:)
 
Friends of ours run a small charter company and this is an important part of their income. Most of their customers seem to be Hindus - it's a standard part of their funeral rites. As others have said, there are no hard and fast rules - it all depends on the deceased and their family. You need to discuss it with them - no point in organising something religious if he/she was an atheist! If they are seriously religious, invite them to bring along a priest of the appropriate persuasion?
 
I have a copy of the ships captains medical guide. If you wish to PM me with email address I can photo copy the appropriate pages and send to you, if needed. If proper service needed local missions to seamen should be able to help.
Rgds
Neil
 
I heard someone talking to QHM (Queen's Harbourmaster) on CH 11 VHF the other day saying they were heading out to a pre-arranged spot within the harbour to scatter ashes. I presume the person was ex navy and wanted to be laid to rest accordingly.

I know full burials have to take place in designated areas such as off the Needles and are tightly regulated in terms of the coffin construction. Lots of holes and 200kg plus with the weight bottom loaded to ensure it doesn't invert.

Scattering ashes on public areas is not regulated per-se other than potentially being treated as litter.

Henry :)
 
It's mostly all been said, but one extra point from experience: If the mourners want to "throw" a wreath in then you need to make sure it is actually put in carefully to avoid it landing upside down. I recall a slightly awkward moment with the boathook, righting a capsized floral anchor. Best of all might be to arrange for the wreath to be made so it doesn't matter which way up it floats, or alternatively you could just stick to loose flowers.
 
Gary great advise from the forum as always, I relate to nearly 30 years ago when we laid my much loved Step-father to rest who had requested for his ashes to be buried at sea. As others have indicated his ashes were in a simple box supplied by the crematorium a few days after the service there. So my mother and I set off to Weymouth and engage a fisherman with a 20 foot clinker built open boat who agreed to take us out into the bay. We did not have a clue but it did not seem to matter, we carefully placed the box on the water and of course it floated, so we recovered it and added some holes with a knife borrowed from the fisherman (never even thinking of opening the box and tipping the contents out) the holes gradually did the trick and the box and its contents slowly sank. I think my old man would have appreciated our attempts and hopefully is still laughing about it.
 
We scattered my F-I-L where he wanted to be scattered this week. Make sure you have some scissors, he was in a plastic back inside the container the crem sent him back in.

Sadly, there was no whisky at the event; I am stipulating in my will that a "west highland dram (1/4 gill)" will be drunk by all after I've been scattered.
 
Any music/songs/hymns over the stereo? - ask the close relatives.

A toast; sherry or whatever after the ashes/flowers are overboard
Having a couple of boxes of tissues to hand may come in useful

When we did ashes at sea in Spain we'd take a lat/long and later transpose the fix onto google maps and pass on to the family.
 
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