Serious Injury

[claymore]

Having just returned home from a balmy Loch Melfort I seek the advice of our legal bretheren.
Readers of my column may remember last summer that I took pity on an auld scroat and took him and his bonnie bride of some years away for a wee cruise. The aforementioned scroat spent most of his time sat on the poop dragging a line in the vain hope of catching some poor unsuspecting fush. Having lived through this experience several times I'm of a mind that the fush are perfectly safe and they've little chance of becoming ensnared on the auld scroats tackle.
Part of the fitting out process aboard the good yacht Claymore is to rearrange the junk in the lockers and I set to this task with a vengeance as is my wont. Imagine my chagrin, let alone the pain when I stuck my hand in a seemingly innocent plastic bag and upon extraction found myself hooked to the barb and beyond on Para's finest mackrel slayer with my life's blood pumping out under the kind of pressure any steam enchineer wid hae bin proud of.
Luckily Dear Heart, being the offspring of a farmer who seemed to spend most of his adult life attached to a barbed wire fence, was on hand and after not inconsiderable effort, and a deal of pain, my right index digit and the offending hook became separated once more.
So - in terms of litigation - what angle shuid ah go fer, an the auld scroat being a man o' considerable means - hoo much aw his wedge d'ye think ah shuid be tryin' fer?

 

[jimi]

Erm difficult one. You obviously have been physically and mentally scarred by this experience. I'd major on both traumas and draw a picture of how your sex life has been undisputably shattered by this experience ... any fishy smell and you're deflated .. so to speak . must be millions in it!

 

[longjohnsadler]

Well at least he can say he's caught something.

 

[powerskipper]

be a big boy and stop crying /forums/images/graemlins/grin.gif /forums/images/graemlins/grin.gif /forums/images/graemlins/grin.gif /forums/images/graemlins/grin.gif
pal!!!! /forums/images/graemlins/tongue.gif

 

[T_S]

[ QUOTE ]
be a big boy and stop crying /forums/images/graemlins/grin.gif /forums/images/graemlins/grin.gif /forums/images/graemlins/grin.gif /forums/images/graemlins/grin.gif
pal!!!! /forums/images/graemlins/tongue.gif

[/ QUOTE ]

Do you think there could be an anal problem here Julie? /forums/images/graemlins/grin.gif

 

[Sammo]

Sounds nasty Claymore

He obviously set a trap for you, now this is something I know about as my missus does it to me all the time,
I don`t suppose you know anyone with a legal background, can speak the language, with a compassionate nature and a big black dog, to take the case?
In the meantime get yourself a neck brace.
And it might be a good idea to put the hook back in your finger,
It`ll look much better in court.

Best of luck.

 

[BenchHead]

Yup good prosecutor a must but if he shows up in court wearing jimmy jams then you'll know he probably has the same legal team as Whacko Jacko and you're dead in the water ... /forums/images/graemlins/frown.gif

 

[TheBoatman]

I'm with Julie on this one, stop wingin' yur o'l bugger. I expect better from a man that proports to hail from north of the border, drinks large amounts of scotch and eats even more porridge.

Wimp comes to mind when all thats happened is a wee prick in the finger /forums/images/graemlins/smile.gif

 

[jimi]

better if he comes fae Zuumerset .. then 'e can put it in cider!

 

[tillergirl]

Dear Claymore

Thank you for contacting Claims4US regarding your unfortunate and painful injury. Please be assured of the high level of esteem and regard with which this firm holds you as a regular and valued client.

However, I regret to inform you that your claim will fail on a number of European Directives with which you have failed to comply.

Firstly under the Mackerel (catching at sea and other places) Directive, it is necessary for all agressive and barbarous implements to be licenced prior to acquisition. You do not appear to be able to produce evidence of such licence. It is immaterial that your friend did not intend to catch Mackerel or indeed any other specified fish as under this directive you are presumed under European Law to be intending such barbarous implement for such purpose unless you can produce evidence to the contrary.

Under the Prevention of Injuries (and restriction of enjoyment) Directive, the stowage of dangerous implements on a vessel otherwise intended for enjoyment is strictly controlled. It is necessary for the Master or Owner of the vessel to conduct a Risk Assessment of all intended, expected and unexpected stowage issues which has, is or might at any conceivable time occur. Then having constructed the necessary Risk Assessment it is necessary to construct adequate safety stowage facilities to protect all users of the vessel from damage. You have been unable to produce to us the required Risk Assessments; Ergo you cannot produce any evidence that you completed them and therefore you are in breach of this requirement. Under the Directive, it is irrelevant that this was done by your guest without your knowledge since the Directive states that you, as Master, must be aware of any fact relevant to or pertaining to any issue covered by the Directive.

Once a Risk Assessment has been completed then a Safety Plan must be constructed for all hazardous items and the Master or Owner is then responsible for the provision of adequate safety stowage on board your vessel, adequately labelled as a hazard and double locked, one key being held by the Master and the other by the Owner. We note that on your vessel Master and Owner are one and the same and this clearly brings you into conflict with the Directive. we also note prima facie that your injury is evidence of your failure to provide the said adequate safety stowage facilities.

There are other Directives that apply but the above mentioned will be sufficient to allow your claim to fail. However, we do note the failure of the Owner and Master of your vessel to comply with the Directives. This means that your guest has a valid claim against you for being exposed to potential harm whilst aboard your vessel. Under the Directive it is held to be immaterial that no actual harm occurred. Potential harm is sufficient and your claim to Claims4US is prima facie evidence of your liability.

We could be grateful therefore if you would foward by reply the name and address of your poor guest who has been wantonly exposed to this potential for harm to the undersigned so that we may pursue, on a strictly no win, no fee basis (although success is not in doubt), a claim on their behalf.

Assuring you of our service at all times

Claims4US

 

[claymore]

Anal?
Do explain.