Sailors Dictionary

[HeadMistress]

http://www.fram.nl/humor/dictionary.htm

Y'all should especially appreciate this one:

Distress Signals:
International signals which indicate that a boat is in danger. For example, in:
American waters: the sudden appearance of lawyers, the pointing of fingers, and repression of memories;
Italian waters: moaning, weeping, and wild gesticulations;
French waters: fistfights, horn blowing, and screamed accusations;
Spanish waters: boasts, taunts, and random gunfire;
Irish waters: rhymthic grunting, the sound of broken glass, and the detonation of small explosive devices;
Japanese waters: shouted apologies, the exchange of calling cards, and minor self-inflected wounds;
English waters: doffed hats, the burning of toast, and the spilling of tea.

 

[Abigail]

LOL!

memo to self - remember to have the toast ready.

 

[HeadMistress]

These two are my favorites:

Cruising:
1). Waterborne pleasure journey embarked on by one or more people. A cruise may be considered successful if the same number of individuals who set out on it arrive, in roughly the same condition they set out in, at some piece of habitable dry land, with or without the boat.

Shower:
Although there is no substitute for direct experience, a rough idea of a shipboard shower can be obtained by standing naked for two minutes in a closet with a large, wet dog.