GeorgeP
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Following complaints made to the IRB about the All Blacks being
allowed to motivate themselves by performing the 'Haka' before their
games, other nations were asked to suggest pre-match rituals of their
own. The IRB Rugby World Cup 2003 Organising Committee has now agreed
to the following pre-match displays:
a.. The England team will chat about the weather, wave hankies in the
air and attach bells to their ankles before moaning about how they
invented the game and gave it to the world, and how it's not fair
that everyone still thinks New Zealand are the best team in the
world.
b.. The Scotland team will chant "You lookin' at me Jimmy?" before
smashing an Iron Bru bottle over their opponents' heads.
c.. The Ireland team will split into two, with the Southern half
performing a Riverdance, while the Northerners march the Traditional
route from their dressing room to the pitch, via their opponents
dressing room.
d.. Unfortunately the Committee were unable to accept the Welsh
suggestion following representations from the RSPCA.
e.. Argentina will unexpectedly invade a small part of opposition
territory, claim it as their own "Las In-Goals-Areas" and then be
forcibly removed by the match stewards.
f.. Two members of the South African team will claim to be more
important than the other 13 whom they will imprison between the posts
whilst they claim the rest of the pitch for themselves.
g.. The Americans will not attend until almost full time. In future
years they will amend the records to show that they were in fact the
most important team in the tournament and Hollywood will make a film
called 'Saving No.8 Lyle'.
h.. Five of the Canadian team will sing La Marseillaise and hold the
rest of the team to ransom.
i.. The Italian team will arrive in Armani gear, sexually harass the
female stewards and then run away.
j.. The Spanish will sneak into the other half of the pitch, mow it
and then claim that it was all in line with European "grass quotas".
They will then curl up under the posts and have a kip until half
time, when their appeal for compensation against the UK Government
will be heard.
k.. The Japanese will attempt to strengthen their team by offering
good salaries to the key opposition players and then run around the
pitch at high speed in a highly efficient manner before buying the
ground (with a subsidy from the UK Government).
l.. The French will declare they have new scientific evidence that
the opposition are in fact all mad. They will then park lorries
across the halfway line, let sheep loose in the opposition half (much
to the delight of Wales!) and burn the officials.
m.. The Australians will have a barbie before negotiating lucrative
singing and TV contracts in the UK. They will then invite all their
mates to come and live with them in Shepherds Bush.
<hr width=100% size=1>
Following complaints made to the IRB about the All Blacks being
allowed to motivate themselves by performing the 'Haka' before their
games, other nations were asked to suggest pre-match rituals of their
own. The IRB Rugby World Cup 2003 Organising Committee has now agreed
to the following pre-match displays:
a.. The England team will chat about the weather, wave hankies in the
air and attach bells to their ankles before moaning about how they
invented the game and gave it to the world, and how it's not fair
that everyone still thinks New Zealand are the best team in the
world.
b.. The Scotland team will chant "You lookin' at me Jimmy?" before
smashing an Iron Bru bottle over their opponents' heads.
c.. The Ireland team will split into two, with the Southern half
performing a Riverdance, while the Northerners march the Traditional
route from their dressing room to the pitch, via their opponents
dressing room.
d.. Unfortunately the Committee were unable to accept the Welsh
suggestion following representations from the RSPCA.
e.. Argentina will unexpectedly invade a small part of opposition
territory, claim it as their own "Las In-Goals-Areas" and then be
forcibly removed by the match stewards.
f.. Two members of the South African team will claim to be more
important than the other 13 whom they will imprison between the posts
whilst they claim the rest of the pitch for themselves.
g.. The Americans will not attend until almost full time. In future
years they will amend the records to show that they were in fact the
most important team in the tournament and Hollywood will make a film
called 'Saving No.8 Lyle'.
h.. Five of the Canadian team will sing La Marseillaise and hold the
rest of the team to ransom.
i.. The Italian team will arrive in Armani gear, sexually harass the
female stewards and then run away.
j.. The Spanish will sneak into the other half of the pitch, mow it
and then claim that it was all in line with European "grass quotas".
They will then curl up under the posts and have a kip until half
time, when their appeal for compensation against the UK Government
will be heard.
k.. The Japanese will attempt to strengthen their team by offering
good salaries to the key opposition players and then run around the
pitch at high speed in a highly efficient manner before buying the
ground (with a subsidy from the UK Government).
l.. The French will declare they have new scientific evidence that
the opposition are in fact all mad. They will then park lorries
across the halfway line, let sheep loose in the opposition half (much
to the delight of Wales!) and burn the officials.
m.. The Australians will have a barbie before negotiating lucrative
singing and TV contracts in the UK. They will then invite all their
mates to come and live with them in Shepherds Bush.
<hr width=100% size=1>
