Reviving the Friday joke, quotes on our 2nd favourite topic

Twister_Ken

Well-Known Member
Joined
31 May 2001
Messages
27,584
Location
'ang on a mo, I'll just take some bearings
Visit site
"I believe that sex is one of the most beautiful, natural, wholesome things that money can buy."
Tom Clancy

"You know "that look" women get when they want sex? Me neither."
Steve Martin

"Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand."
Woody Allen

"Bisexuality immediately doubles your chances for a date on Saturday night."
Rodney Dangerfield

"There are a number of mechanical devices which increase sexual arousal, particularly in women. Chief among these is the Mercedes-Benz 380SL."
Lynn Lavner

"Sex at age 90 is like trying to shoot pool with a rope."
George Burns

"Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake whole relationships."
Sharon Stone

"My girlfriend always laughs during sex ---no matter what she's reading."
Steve Jobs

"My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch."
Jack Nicholson

"Clinton lied. A man might forget where he parks or where he lives, but he never forgets oral sex, no matter how bad it is."
Barbara Bush

"Ah, yes, divorce, from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man's genitals through his wallet."
Robin Williams

"Women complain about premenstrual syndrome, but I think of it as the only time of the month that I can be myself."
Roseanne Barr

"Women need a reason to have sex. Men just need a place."
Billy Crystal

"According to a new survey, women say they feel more comfortable undressing in front of men than they do undressing in front of other women. They say that women are too judgmental, where, of course, men are just grateful."
Robert De Niro

"There's a new medical crisis. Doctors are reporting that many men are having allergic reactions to latex condoms. They say they cause severe swelling. So what's the problem?"
Dustin Hoffman

"There's very little advice in men's magazines, because men think, I know what I'm doing. Just show me somebody naked."
Jerry Seinfeld

"Instead of getting married again, I'm going to find a woman I don't like and just give her a house."
Rod Stewart

"See, the problem is that God gives men a brain and a penis, and only enough blood to run one at a time."
Robin Williams
 
Don't tell me it is a repeat!!



Perhaps the censorship software would be better used if it was reprogrammed to avoid repeats! /forums/images/graemlins/laugh.gif
 
[ QUOTE ]
I've heard them before, but still make me laugh!

[/ QUOTE ]Yep, me too. How about this one -

After a long night of making love to his new girlfriend, Fred notices a
photo of a man on her bedside table. At first, he really didn't give it
much thought; she had never mentioned it so why should he. But after a month
or so into the relationship he begins to stress about it; even imagining the photo is staring at him doing the deed. It was causing him so much anxiety that he finally decides to ask about it.

"Is this your ex-husband?" he nervously asks.

"No, silly," she replies, snuggling up to him.

"Another boyfriend, then?" he continues.

"No, not at all," she says, nibbling away at his ear.

"Is it your dad or your brother?" he inquires, hoping to be reassured.

"No, no, no!!!" she answers.

"Well, who in the hell is he, then?" he demands.

"That's me 6 months ago"
 
I note all the letters used in your post have been used before and you're merely repeating your handle as well.

Perhaps you could consider eliminating that repetion
or this repetion
or the other repetion
or the next one
or the preceding
or the appended
or the attached
or..........
 
My favourite is quoted so often it would bore you. But seeing it in another language may freshen it up a bit:

El sexo sin amor es una experiencia vacía. Pero como experiencia vacía es una de las mejores.
 
[ QUOTE ]

Perhaps you could consider eliminating that repetion
or this repetion
or the other repetion


[/ QUOTE ]

You'll want it to have a built in spellchecker too /forums/images/graemlins/grin.gif /forums/images/graemlins/grin.gif
 
Eye halve a spelling chequer
It came with my pea sea
It plainly marques four my revue
Miss steaks eye kin knot sea.

Eye strike a quay and type a word
And weight four it two say
Weather eye am wrong oar write
It shows me strait a weigh.

As soon as a mist ache is maid
It nose bee fore two long
And eye can put the error rite
Its rare lea ever wrong.

Eye have run this poem threw it
I am shore your pleased two no
Its letter perfect awl the weigh
My chequer tolled me sew.
 
Top