demonboy
Active member
Greetings all,
I think it was Clare Frances who first coined the phrase 'spotty botty', which describes a common ailment amongst sea-faring folk. What with the chafing of man-made fabrics against a constantly salt-encrusted bum one can't be too precious about the appearance of one's derrière. As a consequence of said combination one's cheeks can be afflicted with annoying little itchy and unsightly spots. These buggers will not go away. Doesn't matter how frequently you shower with the most expensive skin cremes Boots has to offer, even a thirty quid tub of half ounce Clarins won't shift these blighters. Well, remember talc? That stuff your mum would slap across your smooth botty after you'd weed your pants for the fifth time that day? Talc. Talc is the answer. My life has been transformed from an irritating and slightly painful dressing ritual first thing in the morning to a joyous, oh-so-happy parade of shower gel, towel and a slap o' talc around the privates. A revelation! Hoorah for talc.
Reckon these boys could do with some talc
Not that you'd see any evidence of talc in our recent trip from Palamut to Marmaris. I was very careful to cover up, even if the entire 50 mile, 9 hour trip was spent completely stark la la nekid. Now that I have got over my paranoia of voyeurs peeping at me from 20 miles away (let's face it, they'd need a bloody powerful telescope) I feel a lot more comfortable tripping over lines and winches with my jewels slapping me across the thigh than I did a few weeks ago. However the realisation that I was exposing some skin that had probably never seen daylight lead me to be cautious and cover up. With a sock. Yes, a sock, a la Red Hot Chilly Peppers. Looks absolutely ridiculous but it works wonders! Keeps the old boy protected whilst achieving that all-over tan reserved only for slightly-balding, overweight German naturists. Just one thing: don't assume that because the sun is in front of you you don't need to slap some factor 30 on your bum (even if it is now spot-free). Yes, a 99% all-over tan and bright red sun-burnt arse is not a good look.
Getting our kit out
Talking of good looks, I went all Bohemian whilst back in Gumusluk and made myself a leather choker with red evil-eye beads, was given a red earring from Liz and have nicked one of her silver charms and made a necklace. So with that and the bandanna I really do look like an ocean-hippy twat. One friend labeled me a sea-gypsy but that's a bit un-PC, isn't it? Ocean hippy twat it is then.
And then there's annoying mechanical boat thingys. Damn nuisance these boats and their complex bits of metal, fiddly wire, plastic, smelly chemicals and stuff. Not having a reverse gear has led to a few hair-raising incidents recently, so Liz and I have had our fair share of stress having to deal with these issues. I'm sure I have your full sympathy. I mean it's prevented us from spending time in new anchorages and that's not a good thing. Still, touch wood, we are now at the beginning of Summer Part Two, starting at Marmaris. Let's see what happens.......
Almost running aground due to gear failure
Oh, almost forgot. Bodrum going up in 50ft flames
I think it was Clare Frances who first coined the phrase 'spotty botty', which describes a common ailment amongst sea-faring folk. What with the chafing of man-made fabrics against a constantly salt-encrusted bum one can't be too precious about the appearance of one's derrière. As a consequence of said combination one's cheeks can be afflicted with annoying little itchy and unsightly spots. These buggers will not go away. Doesn't matter how frequently you shower with the most expensive skin cremes Boots has to offer, even a thirty quid tub of half ounce Clarins won't shift these blighters. Well, remember talc? That stuff your mum would slap across your smooth botty after you'd weed your pants for the fifth time that day? Talc. Talc is the answer. My life has been transformed from an irritating and slightly painful dressing ritual first thing in the morning to a joyous, oh-so-happy parade of shower gel, towel and a slap o' talc around the privates. A revelation! Hoorah for talc.
Reckon these boys could do with some talc
Not that you'd see any evidence of talc in our recent trip from Palamut to Marmaris. I was very careful to cover up, even if the entire 50 mile, 9 hour trip was spent completely stark la la nekid. Now that I have got over my paranoia of voyeurs peeping at me from 20 miles away (let's face it, they'd need a bloody powerful telescope) I feel a lot more comfortable tripping over lines and winches with my jewels slapping me across the thigh than I did a few weeks ago. However the realisation that I was exposing some skin that had probably never seen daylight lead me to be cautious and cover up. With a sock. Yes, a sock, a la Red Hot Chilly Peppers. Looks absolutely ridiculous but it works wonders! Keeps the old boy protected whilst achieving that all-over tan reserved only for slightly-balding, overweight German naturists. Just one thing: don't assume that because the sun is in front of you you don't need to slap some factor 30 on your bum (even if it is now spot-free). Yes, a 99% all-over tan and bright red sun-burnt arse is not a good look.
Getting our kit out
Talking of good looks, I went all Bohemian whilst back in Gumusluk and made myself a leather choker with red evil-eye beads, was given a red earring from Liz and have nicked one of her silver charms and made a necklace. So with that and the bandanna I really do look like an ocean-hippy twat. One friend labeled me a sea-gypsy but that's a bit un-PC, isn't it? Ocean hippy twat it is then.
And then there's annoying mechanical boat thingys. Damn nuisance these boats and their complex bits of metal, fiddly wire, plastic, smelly chemicals and stuff. Not having a reverse gear has led to a few hair-raising incidents recently, so Liz and I have had our fair share of stress having to deal with these issues. I'm sure I have your full sympathy. I mean it's prevented us from spending time in new anchorages and that's not a good thing. Still, touch wood, we are now at the beginning of Summer Part Two, starting at Marmaris. Let's see what happens.......
Almost running aground due to gear failure
Oh, almost forgot. Bodrum going up in 50ft flames