janeK
Member
Time to prepare for the new sailing season in the UK.. So here's your preseason refresher course -
To best prepare yourself try these quick exercises:
Sit on a bench with large metal fixtures cutting into your legs,stare straight up into the sun for 2 hours - for a more robust workout: invite 4 friends to come over and yell at you the whole time
Go out and get very drunk, sleep 4 hours, then stand on a rocking chair for 6 hours.
Go to bank and withdraw as much cash as you can - then set it on fire
Sit in front of a commercial fan and have someone throw large buckets of salt water on you
Cut limb off nearby tree, tie ropes to it, stand on rocking chair with
tree limb and ropes - hold them over your head for 3 hours...at 5 minute intervals drop on your head - more robust version: have friends yell at you in 6 minute intervals
Pour cold water in your lap and give yourself a wedgie, now alternate between sitting and running around bent over
Tie ropes between 2 trees and sit on a hard barstool tipping yourself into the ropes and balance - push your body against them as hard as you can for 6 consecutive hours - don't stop for pain or bruising until the pins and needles in your feet make it impossible for you to walk.
Nail wooden blocks covered in rough grade sandpaper to your stairs make sure the sandpaper is wet, crawl up and down on your knees in shorts for several hours making sure to catch your fingers under the stair rods and smash your knees into the banisters
Make 12 sandwiches on white bread with bad meat and margarine cram them into a plastic bag, sprinkle with sea water- eat one a day for 12 consecutive days... make sure the last one is peanut butter and jam.
Tie rope to rear bumper of friend's car, hold on tightly, but allow rope to slip through fingers as car drives away - TIP: works best with nylon.
Upon completion of above sit down and drink 24 Mount Gay Rums and tell your non-sailing friends what a fantastic sport it is.
To best prepare yourself try these quick exercises:
Sit on a bench with large metal fixtures cutting into your legs,stare straight up into the sun for 2 hours - for a more robust workout: invite 4 friends to come over and yell at you the whole time
Go out and get very drunk, sleep 4 hours, then stand on a rocking chair for 6 hours.
Go to bank and withdraw as much cash as you can - then set it on fire
Sit in front of a commercial fan and have someone throw large buckets of salt water on you
Cut limb off nearby tree, tie ropes to it, stand on rocking chair with
tree limb and ropes - hold them over your head for 3 hours...at 5 minute intervals drop on your head - more robust version: have friends yell at you in 6 minute intervals
Pour cold water in your lap and give yourself a wedgie, now alternate between sitting and running around bent over
Tie ropes between 2 trees and sit on a hard barstool tipping yourself into the ropes and balance - push your body against them as hard as you can for 6 consecutive hours - don't stop for pain or bruising until the pins and needles in your feet make it impossible for you to walk.
Nail wooden blocks covered in rough grade sandpaper to your stairs make sure the sandpaper is wet, crawl up and down on your knees in shorts for several hours making sure to catch your fingers under the stair rods and smash your knees into the banisters
Make 12 sandwiches on white bread with bad meat and margarine cram them into a plastic bag, sprinkle with sea water- eat one a day for 12 consecutive days... make sure the last one is peanut butter and jam.
Tie rope to rear bumper of friend's car, hold on tightly, but allow rope to slip through fingers as car drives away - TIP: works best with nylon.
Upon completion of above sit down and drink 24 Mount Gay Rums and tell your non-sailing friends what a fantastic sport it is.
) Funnies