Potty?

[jimi]

Right ... who else stood outside a bookshop at midnight on Friday to purchase the latest tome on HP? Cos I did and I had to buy two to avoid massive bustups amongst the otherwise fraternal sisterhood ...

<hr width=100% size=1>

 

[Metabarca]

Jimi, I though you'd had enough talk about potties for the time being!

<hr width=100% size=1><A target="_blank" HREF=http://www.comoy.com/saillinks.html>http://www.comoy.com/saillinks.html</A>

 

[Jacket]

Any idea what the reasoning behind the timing was? Midnight seems a funny time to release a book aimed at kids.

<hr width=100% size=1>

 

[tcm]

Jimi P. and the Predictable Plot by JK Roleplaying

It seemed like just another ordinary day for Jimi. But hardly anything was normal for Jimi. Because he was the main character in a blockbusting children’s novel! Gosh!

Jimi’s parents were dead. Which was very sad. But at least everyone warmed to his character, and it made him “accessible”. At the same time, hardly anyone would dare say that the book was rubbish, because that would make them sound somewhat heartless, uncaring of poor Jimi and his unfortunate circumstances.

Jimi’s parents had left him a pile of money! Hurrah! But it was TwonkNoodle Money, looked after by goblins, so the money wasn’t any good at Beneteau, Jeanneau, nor at Sunseeker or any other boat manufacturers. Nor even at the sailmakers or holdingtank repairer's either. Dang!

Anyway, Jimi applied to work at KingScreech Tower, the home of the Incorrigibly Politically Correct (IPC) organisation. And, partly because he had a weird scar on his face, but mainly because otherwise that would be end of the story, he got the job.

At King Screech Tower, fifteen things happened on every page. None of them had very much bearing on the thin plot. But the fast pace neatly avoided too much descriptive work required of the author. Although it did mean that the sub-editor had to think of a million different ways of saying “And Then”. The "magical" setting also allowed everything to be "dreamed up in the author's head", instead of awkwardly having to be described accurately, as would for example a real seting in a real place.

One of the senior people at IPC was Mr Horridly Grimm, who sounded very serious. So, to balance it up, the other boss was comfortingly called Mr Kipling, who was jovial. So of course, he was overweight, as no thin people are ever “jovial”, especially when you’re this deep in clichés.

At IPC, Jimi's best friend was Billy Armitage, who was working class, which everyone could guess because his name is the same as a urinal manufacturers. Billy’s family was skint, as are all the working class types, and as a result they were very happy. Billy’s mum made stereotypical exclamations like “Lawks a mercy!”.

Jimi's deadliest enemy was Darkly Darcy who of course shared the his surname with the smouldering hero of a much better novel by Jane Austen. The author slapped in as many references to other works of fiction in the (very well-founded) hope that readers' parents would somehow think that their children would become "educated" by reading the stuff. Anyway, Darkly Darcy was very rich and lived in a fabulous house and owned a fantastically large and speedy boat, so his family was naturally very solemn and miserable.

Another of Jimi’s best friends at King Screech was a girl, again to balance up the plot. She was called Olivia. This made her sound a bit upper crust.

Jimi’s friends were therefore a girl and a boy, of slightly higher and lower class respectively, slightly cleverer and slightly more dim, further showing the clumsy attempt to balance the characters. And having three main characters meant that there would be no sexual connotations either. Fortunately, nobody noticed that this made it rather like the Railway Children - a not dissimilar story involving absent parents, a steam train, three kids, nice countryside, convenient magic and not-very-mischievous so-called “adventures” which turn out fine in the end.

One day, in the lift, Jimi saw that one floor was marked 13½ . He went to Mr Grimm, to ask him what it meant. “You must never ever EVER go on to the 13½th floor. Dreadful things happen there. “ said Mr Grimm, very threateningly.

So, sure enough, by two-thirds of the way through the book, Jimi and his skint dim working class mate Billy and the oppositely-everything friend Olivia all went to floor 13½ for a look round.

When they got back, they got sacked. Oops, no they didn’t, but they got a severe ticking off from Mr Grimm, because Jimi had saved the day a few pages earlier.

A favourite game at IPC was QuockDitch. This was a totally pathetic game, and could only have been invented by an idiot with no idea of ball games. Probably a woman, except that nobody was allowed to say that since everything was terribly PC. Quockditch involved zooming around, but if you did something else completely, then you won and the other goals didn’t count.

At IPC, Jimi didn’t get bullied because he was a spotty newbie. Certainly not. He was picked for the first team at QuockDitch! And they yawningly beat the baddies with a late sort of goal that nobody had ever done before, except for wimpish Jimi on his debut game. Yeah, right.

Later, Mr Grimm was suspected of the unspeakable (i.e. beyond the descriptive powers of the author, again) death that had befallen his parents. But the twist in the tale is that it was Mr Kipling all along! Which just goes to show that you never can tell, doesn’t it? Well, apart of the rest of the cliché–ridden story, which heavily relies on the fact that you can indeed guess every character quite accurately from the moment you know their name. And there’s four more of these poxy stories too.


<hr width=100% size=1>

 

[jhr]

Release of the book for sale was embargoed by Bloomsbury until 21st June. So midnight was the earliest time it could go on sale, therefore some headbangers went for it. Also it's the witching hour etc. etc. etc. But I assume, above all, that it was to add to the hype.

No, I didn't go and queue for it, but my daughter's only 9, so I can still lay down the law with her (just......). We'd ordered via Amazon and it was delivered by our postman at 10.30 am on Saturday morning.

Putting aside all the hype, I am a big fan of JK Rowling. Anybody who can get millions of kids reading witty, well-written and plotted books that explore the complexities of good, evil and the shades of grey between is all right with me.

<hr width=100% size=1>

 

[Sybarite]

Don't you think it is time to let the matter drop?

<hr width=100% size=1>

 

[Twister_Ken]

Brilliant

TCM - Brilliant. You should take up writing full time. With your powers of fantasy and fiction, you'd be a wizard at boat tests.

<hr width=100% size=1><A target="_blank" HREF=http://www.writeforweb.com/twister1>Let's Twist Again</A>

 

[colvic]

SADO!

Phil

<hr width=100% size=1>

 

[Peppermint]

It was really cheap in Tesco's the next morning. How sad.

<hr width=100% size=1>

 

[jimi]

I know .. it was at midnight as well, I was in Tesco's getting the provision for the boat before queuing up at Ottakars .. but my 9 year old daughter pointblank refused to buy a book from Tesco's... said it did'nt have the same ambience!

<hr width=100% size=1>

 

[ecudc]

I picked my Amazon (oops) copy up this morning from the post office. Received a very dark look from the postie as he rummaged through an enormous tower of large rectangular parcels from amazon pile shoulder high behind the desk.

I found it’s a great conversation starter though, I was asked by 10 people on the Tube today if it was any good and subsequent chatting ensued despite the notorious ability for London commuters to completely ignore the existence of any other human being especially pregnant ladies and the elderly.


<hr width=100% size=1>

 

[bedouin]

Come on then - don't keep us in suspense - is it any good?

<hr width=100% size=1>

 

[Jeremy_W]

So this a book that can start a conversation between two London commuters and some of you old cynics still DON'T believe in magic!

<hr width=100% size=1>

 

[jimi]

Matthias and the red Ferrarri

.. however Matthias in his Clarkson role was test driving an Italian jobbie, after cornering hard but not hard enough he found himself in the pages of the Chamber of Excretions as the seeker of the exit from the quick ditch. This was better than the previous week when during a particularly nasty sunny spell a dyke had arrived suddenly ..

<hr width=100% size=1>

 

[claymore]

What a wonderful father

Such devotion to family duties does you proud - why should children have to work out how to use a sea toilet?
There must be an award in this for you somewhere.

<hr width=100% size=1>regards
Claymore
/forums/images/icons/smile.gif

 

[ccscott49]

Re: Jimi P. and the Predictable Plot by JK Roleplaying

Oh! So you've read one?

<hr width=100% size=1>

 

[Twister_Ken]

Dunno about that

>There must be an award in this for you somewhere<

An award? Only for the house harridae. Who should all get the HP Sauce.

<hr width=100% size=1><A target="_blank" HREF=http://www.writeforweb.com/twister1>Let's Twist Again</A>

 

[jimi]

Re: What a wonderful father

Aye .. but there was some bargaining involved .. browniw points are always useful!

<hr width=100% size=1>

 

[ecudc]

Well so far I'm kinda wishing tha voldamort would just go ahead and kill Harry as he's turned into a really stroppy grumpy teenager.....Kevin the teenager has nothing on this boy.

Good book though, I'd says its worth stealing from your kids.

<hr width=100% size=1>

 

[oldgit]

Re: Potty? or exploitation

Lets see if its still so popular and is being read by children in 10 years time shall we.Hype is no substitute for originalty.

<hr width=100% size=1>/forums/images/icons/laugh.gif in memorium of H1.