Breaking News : REPORTS JUMP THE GUN!!! POPE ALIVE!
Posted by Senior Editor on 2005/4/1 13:46:58
Fox News reports that the Pope is NOT DEAD, but in fact his heart and brain are still functioning. News services "got ahead of themselves" according to Fox and the Pope is alive ten minutes after he was reported dead.
This startling misreporting came on the heels of a horrible announcement from a young producer who declared "Hello! The Pope is Dead!" over a translator who was updating the Pope's condition.
The Vatican announces now that the Pope is very much still hanging on to life and that reports of his death were premature.
The shutters of the Pope's apartment remain open, the lights turned on. Catholics sing in the Square.
How they verify that the Pope Died?
According to the conspiracy theorists they verified the last one by smothering him.
A book called "The Thirty Day Pope" if I remember correctly has a pretty good account of the reasons why the previous one did not last long, including his liberal views and his determination to root out the guilty parties in the takeover and asset stripping of a chuch controlled bank in the Venice region (where he had been Bishop), by the Vatican Bank which was linked with Roberto Calvi and Banco Ambrosiano. There had been a nice little scam running whereby Italian Exchange controls were bypassed. Money (probably from organised crime) was sent by Ambrosiano to the Vatican bank (this got the money out of Italy because the Vatican is a separate country though most italians think it is in Italy). The Vatican Bank then sent the money to Switzerland. The Vatican bank was effectively the fiefdom of a bishop called Marcincus (probably mis-spelled) and what really upset the short lived Pope was the way that the little bank he had overseen in the Veneto, and which existed to make loans to deserving catholics in the region, had been seized and apparently asset stripped.