Plain English?

[Adrian_Morgan]

The recent nautical awards (Ellen MacArthur etc) were co-sponsored by something called e-peopleserve. This is what they purport to do (see below). I am none the wiser. Can anyone explain in one sentence what the hell exactly they do in fact do? Their partner in this sponsorship deal is the venerable Yachting Journalists's Association, a model of literary excellence. But why they should be associated with such an incomprehensible organisation is beyond me. Must be the money or should that be financial remuneration scenario.

I quote

"e-peopleserve, a part-owned Accenture company, provides high-quality,
cost-effective human resources-related services to global enterprises on an
outsourced basis. Employing advanced technology and best of breed human
resources practices, e-peopleserve works in close collaboration with
clients, designing and tailoring innovative services to reflect the unique
needs and characteristics of their business operations and people.
People-friendly technology allows for fast and effective response to
day-to-day routine inquiries and transactions, while specialist human
resources professionals handle such critical support services as
recruitment, training, learning and overall people development.
e-peopleserve's services enable client companies to concentrate on
optimising their core business activities while obtaining greatest value
from every aspect of its activities, including their people. "

 

[Adrian_Morgan]

That should be Yachting Journalists' Association, unless they've resigned en masse.

 

[coliholic]

Sounds distinctly like an employment agency.

 

[ean_p]

sounds like a contender for 'psueds corner' in the Eye to me.......earn yer self a tenner......

 

[Twister_Ken]

S'obvious innnit?

"e-peopleserve is a very expensive replacement for your personnel manager (and you really don't need us unless you're totally incompetent at running your own business)"

I was amused, once, to learn that the multinational consultancies refer to Britain as 'Treasure Island'

 

[Guest]

What a loverly e-mailaddress

Global, so they say and yet don't even have an email address ... but what a collection of nice words ... airy-fairy all tending towards fermenting country pancakes ... Have you seen their careers section?

 

[southchinasea]

I think they install fax machines and do a little but of hiring on the side?

 

[jollyjacktar]

Translation

I think it means that you are to pay them as much money as you can, for which they will provide you with the most useless service that they can, for the most worthless purpose possible, while convincing you that this service is absolutely necessary for your existance and if anything goes wrong or fails to compute it must be you that is making an error because they are perfect.

I guess all the usual that is offered by the new age of computer, technico, babble, designed to destroy all the available tropical rain forests aand other like sorces to making paper for the electronic office to consume!!!

So what's new!!!

 

[david_e]

To put it in plain English, they are one a growing trend of businesses that outsource many functions that HR/Personnel would traditionally have done, mainly for large organisations. They do not totally replace HR but free them up to concentrate on the more important parts of what they do, or should be doing. If they are sponsoring Yachting then all the good & I see that Kingfisher have agreed to support Ellen till 2006 which again is good for Yachting.

 

[Mirelle]

Doubtless, they go in for \"corporate sailing\" too!

Thank you, Adrian, for a magnificent example of balderdash, which I will certainly use on those of my own colleagues who are tempted to write thus. It is people like this who have done so much to make sailing miserable by creating the corporate sailing day / weekend, employing unhappy young men and women on peanut wages and turning what should be fun into an extension of office politic for the unfortunates who are forced to go, and fouling up the water for the rest of us.

Fortunately, it is almost unreadable, so few brains will be rotted by it.

What on earth do they have to do with a quite ordinary yottin' award? The only recipient of the Yachtsman of the Year Award that I am personally acquainted with hangs it in his downstairs toilet; at this rate the next recipient will hang it in the same place, but a little lower on the wall...

 

[Adrian_Morgan]

Many thanks for the explanation. Now that I am the wiser I will undoubtedly be asking them to quote for my business. I could use their best of breed human resources practices and people-friendly technology. It will no doubt enable me to make fast and effective responses to my day-to-day routine inquiries and transactions. I am much taken by the sound of their resources professionals. They sound both resourceful and, um, er, professional. I've been looking for just such a company to handle my critical support services, in particular my overall people development. How did I rub along without them for all these years?

Oh, and keep sponsoring yachting. Whatever you do, that's something we can at least all understand.

 

[Bergman]

The deal is:

You go to your manager and say
"I can downsize by 25%"

Get lots of brownie points by giving work done by the redundant 255 to these people.

Get promoted out of the way before anyone realizes what a mess things are.

Then fire your replacement for making the mess and become MD.

Run company into ground and receive multi-million pay-off

Retire and go sailing full time.

Easy

 

[david_e]

Adrian, I don't work for them, I just know of them!

 

[Guest]

Accenture is the bit of Andersen Consulting that was hived off to be a new business and spent a fortune on silly adverts in a doomed bid to get people to understand their name (think Consignia).

Thus the answer to your question is "They are consultants".

Definition of a consultant: "Someone who will relieve you of a large sum of cash to give you a hundred tips on improving your sex life - but can't get a date themselves". And if you want to know how I know this, look at my profile...

I was deeply offended, but greatly amused, by that nonsensical quotation. Best of breed? What images that conjures. How do they ensure a sufficient supply of new consultants? Perhaps best not to enquire... I'd take that tip about Pseud's corner, I think it's a winner.

 

[chippie]

A definition of consultant that I liked was:-

'Someone who comes down from the top of the hill and shoots the wounded once the battle is over.'

 

[tony_brighton]

temp outsourcing of accounting staff

 

[Guest]

another definition

A consultant is someone who will
borrow your watch
tell you the time
send you a big bill for telling you the time
keep the watch

they trade on volanteers
a volanteer is someone who misunderstood the question

 

[charles_reed]

Yes - that was a surgical consultant

he thought he was helping

 

[AndrewB]

Sounds sinister to me ...

"Best of breed human resources practices" sounds like how the Nazis might have described Auswitz and Belsen. "Employing advanced technology" - improved gas chambers perhaps?

(LMAO, Adrian, you really must send this to Pseuds Corner).

 

[billmacfarlane]

And empties their pockets !! NM

!