Petition to replace the weather gods

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WayneS

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I am looking for signatures as I intend to petition the powers that be to replace the weather gods.

For months I planned my first channel crossing basing my plans on 5kn.

Both the trip over to on Saturday, and the return yesterday had to be motor-sailed as sailing speed was around 3kn tops. Even Solent CG were forecasting F5 yesterday afternoon but if we had 2 it was a lot.

It's just not fair...........


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You might try something along these lines ...

Monk Farnham’s tirade in fickle winds aboard the 46-foot yawl Figaro III near the end of a 3,500-mile race from Bermuda to Sweden (W.Snaith, "On The Wind’s Way", G.P. Putnam & Sons, New York, 1973).

“Oh great gods of the Western Approaches to the British Isles, we on the yawl Figaro racing to Sweden salute you. We salute your cousins on Olympus and in the cave of the winds, with special salutations to Poseidon and his brother Zeus. We hail all demigods, minions and cohorts, and not to forget all you lady goddesses. If we have forgotten any among you, we ask your majesties, in your nobleness, to forgive us. We have had a trying day.

“Oh hear us, you gracious ones, hear your people on Figaro! We offer this libation to you [pours three fingers of brandy into a glass and tosses the contents into the sea]. We ask that you stop crapping around and provide us and us alone with one of your finest breezes to take us all the way to the finish. We ask this in view of our long and loving acknowledgment of your existence when other people thrash around in Zen Buddhism and other excesses and apostasies of faith. We ask your lordships to show us this kindness and to sow consternation in the vessels of our enemies amongst whom you will find a rare collection of Presbyterians, Christian Scientists, and Golfers. The time, oh great Poseidon, has come to show your hand, to put up or get lost.

“If you do as we ask, oh great earth shaker, we will raise our children to recognize your name, and on coming in victoriously, we will make the proper celebrations.

"But mind you, our patience runs thin. We are fed up with the way we are being treated. All day we have been putting up with your s**t and we are goddamn tired of it. It is now 2200 hours. Now hear this you meatheads. We give you until 2300 hours to come up with a favorable breeze. If you do deliver, we in turn will do what we can to preserve your everlasting glory. But if you don’t, we will join in the calumny of your names. You will not only have lost your dues-paying members, but we will stand in the rigging and p**s on your face while calling you has-beens for all the world to hear. Do you hear us, you meatheads? 2300 GMT. "

The book continues: "A voice in the darkness, more than a little shaken: ‘Jesus, Monk, don’t you think you’re putting it a little strong?’ . . . . The wind comes in at 2245. It is from the SSW and we make course nicely. Monk winds his watch and goes to sleep. It was all in a day’s work."


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Having been caught in the North Sea gales in first week of June and thus faling to get to Cuxhaven I'll sign the petition. To which God(s) is it being addressed?

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Judging by the weather here this week, I have no intention of crossing Thor, he has been very busy and is a lot bigger than me!

<hr width=100% size=1>Julian

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