panto act 2 - snow white 7d's, RobinsonC and thick plot

tcm

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panto act 2 - snow white 7d\'s, RobinsonC and thick plot

The story so far

robinson crusoe played by unclealbert, possibly, has crashed in on the dimly-lit ybw panto Snow White and the 7 dwarves, being (quite badly) produced by brendans and masively screwed up by shipswoofy as HSofficer having a fight with No1moose who sposed to do the lights, whilst jezbanks (who is also doing sdome scriptwriting) and depsol try and finish the set.

Act 1 began with the wicked queen accidentally being played by powerskipper, with hlb as snow white. At the end of act 1, liverpool has blown up and powerskipper has swapped to being the snow white and tome is now the wicked queen. The original snow white (hlb) threw up all over the seven dwarves. Hlb then had a jolly send off with the usual treacle mine sketch.

Highlights of scene 1 inlcude of course liverpool being blown up and somehow the scriptwrites getting £3m quid for doing the nhs panto as well. The treacle mine sketch was a bit rubbish cos we've seen it before.

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act 2 scene 1 : back in the palace with tcms copper mirror and tome the wicked queen

tome wicked queen "mirror mirror on the wall, who is the fairest of them all"

mirror: it is defintely not you, it's snow white

tome wicked queen: "jeez, get a grip you stupid mirror - you obvioulsy know nothing about beauty! BSI standards plainly state that blah drone etc hence tsk, you're useless. and hopeless, i had a crap mirror once before and obviously will have to sell you on ebay

mirror: er but i'm a magic mirror and erm well there haven't been any complaints before and erm

tome: sorry but i think we all know what craop you talk, completely out of date and i have devised an alternative 24-channel beauty-detection system so you're fired.

mirror: Hm, well well you might have a point, on reflection. Geddit? on reflection!

audience: groan


========================
 

powerskipper

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Re: panto act 2 - snow white 7d\'s, RobinsonC and thick plot

Tome after an evil cackle and a rubbing of his twisted hands ,decides that the mirror needs re coppering with his patented "copper anti foul mouse no 1 formula",


this would give a "anti foul mouth" finish to the mirror BOOM BOOM [ groan]
 

Phoenix of Hamble

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Re: panto act 2 - snow white 7d\'s, RobinsonC and thick plot

despite this bad news for the mirror, he decided that the show must go on..... "lets face it", he thought to himself, "there's a long list of b-list celebs that need the commercial benefits of being seen with the ybw crowd....."

"... except ones from Liverpool....."

At this point, the Ugly Queen Tome decides that a script is needed......

BrendanS has been in charge of scripts, but is still busy trying to get his voice recognition software to document the rather challenging line 'The Treacle mine men's mirrors meant more than most men's mothers...'

Confused by his inability to make a computer do EXACTLY what it was told, Brendan has retired to a corner to weep.

So Ugly Queen Tome volunteers to write the rest of the script. This is a problem.

14 "Cackles" later, along with a few "He's behind you" (causing great concern to Lost Boy, Shy_Talk)... the cast are getting bored.....
 

tcm

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Re: panto act 2 - sceneII

{At the cottage with dwarves and snow white. Very wobbly dim lights illuminate the stage, populated by equally dim actors. Actors! Hah! that's a laugh.}

snowwhite powerskipper: hello dwarfs.
jimi - look shuttit willya!
snowhite - oops sorree. Anyway, i was wondering what your favourite food was, hm?
jimi. ooh well, that different erm i thin probly whisky stew with haggis or mebbe erm fish would do nicely.
snowhite powerskipper : Oh, i wasn't going to make it for you - like i said i was just wondering, see? I also wonder what is your favourite boys name, what word you say most often, your favourite colour, whether you pick your nose or ears most often, and what animal you would most like to be and your most frequently used term of abuse?
jimi: "Rudolph", "the", "red", "nose", "reindeer", "you daft cow"
audience : groan

=======
 

Whitelighter

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Re: panto act 2 - sceneII

{While it has to be said that the lights are very wobbly and a bit dim, and the cast are a bit wobbly and very dim the set is, as of now, finished and isnt in the least bit wobbly or in the slightest bit dim.}

Back in the (now finished) cottage, Recently evil but now reformed Powerskipper and her 7 dwarfs (greedy) had ushered Jimi back into the brig and were preparing to get on wth the show.

Distracted by recent desires to bump of Snow White 1 (hlb), Powerskipper set about the task of finding the one element that this pantomime has until this point lacked...

...Prince Charming (Good luck finding one of those, yea right. Put it away Lakesailor)
 

Sammo

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Re: panto act 2 - sceneII

“Why is the wicked queen tome standing outside in the cold, chain eating packets of crisps?” asked small boat champ? “Is he alright ?” Do not despair, says Snowwhite P, entering stage left, she says it relaxes him. Well I wish he`d pack it up says champy, you can`t get past the stage door for empty wrappers.
Shame about Liverpool says Dougie T B, not surprised Says Old Git we all told Das Boot to get his gas work done professionally but he has no ears.
Are you getting into bed with the magnificent eight then?
Eight!! exclaimed Snowwight P, there should only be seven, tearing back the bedclothes she revealed an extra dwarf laying on the end of the line with a sheepish grin and 2 fish fingers stuck in his ears
He`s back says Dougie, Lets get `im.

CRASH, BANG, WOLLOP. Everyone jumped as a mighty crash came from the back yard of the cottage, then the door was flung open and the wicked queen staggered in clutching her throat. I`ve swallowed the little blue bag of salt, she cried, but no-one took any notice as they all rushed past her to see what had made the noise.
Outside there was carnage. Father Christmas`s sledge had crashlanded scoring a direct hit on the outside lav, demolishing it completely, the wreckage of the sledge and the presents it was loaded with lay all about. As the eight dwarfs stared in disbelief the voice of Father C was heard coming from somewhere amid the wreckage.
No! Prancer you daft bastud, he wailed…
I said the shmitt house.

The eight dwarfs rushed to help.
………
 

powerskipper

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Re: panto act 2 - sceneII

Clipper with a hastily put on reindeer costume rushes to tomes aid, with what looked to the audience like a reindeer kicking tome hard on the back , this did what was intended and the little blue packet propelled its self out of his mouth and into the custard simmering on the stove.

mean while the eight dwarfs and snow white P had pulled farther Xmas from the wreckage and were trying to get the reindeer to check him over ,
 

Cobra

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Re: panto act 2 - sceneII

Audience: Look out tcm...BEHIND YOU!
tcm: What's behind me?
Audience: A 'mouse'!
tcm: (scratches nuts with one hand while patting top of head with other) I don't know any mouse!
Ghostwriter, Moonfish and Cobra: We think you do lad!!
 

Cobra

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Re: panto act 2 - sceneII

<span style="color:red"> FLASH! BANG! </span>

The smoke gradually clears and there sitting astride a rather ferocious looking Bull Merino Sheep and wearing a sequinned thong, a flying hemet and clutching a viscious looking walking stick was Glamdrong the wizard.

Glamdrong : Balls!! Wrong forum again!

<span style="color:eek:range"> FLOOP! </span>

The strange apparition disappeared as quickly as he had appeared leaving a rather acrid smell of very stale aftershave and a pile of droppings from the incontinent sheep.

Meanwhile the cast of this VERY amateur dramatic panto wandered aimlessly around rather hoping someone else would take up the plot!
 

ghostwriter

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Re: panto act 2 - sceneII

Author: Sunshine Rose
Subject: Lindsay whats your horse playing name??
In reply to: Midnighte Pride 's message, "Re: This Is The Home Of Tropical Paridise" on 17:35:42 04/27/01 Fri

Do you want to be the leader of the mixed horses herd? because that were i put you up, lol. I made 1 new herd so, i made you a lead mare, ok? The lead stallion is Indigo. Hope you enjoy it! and remember to invite as many horses as you like to live in your herd. Buhbye! *The golden coloured mare walks away to her mate* You look at her as she leaves with admeration.
 

powerskipper

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Re: panto act 2 - sceneII

so to distract the audience ,
the 8 dwarfs decided to do a can can dance,

this caused the audience to start laughing and shouting higher,higher as they did the can can kick,

the reindeer sneaked in the sorted farther Xmas out, bit they could not find a red sling for his are so they used a pink one,

Now there dwarfs were not practised dancers, so snow white tyred to sing, well that caused the management to close the curtain, No1 moose killl the lights with ships woofy blessing before there was a mass rush to exit the building.
 

Moonfish

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Re: panto act 2 - sceneII

Later, in another part of the forest The 'orrible little furriner is bound hand and foot and tied to a mooring buoy in a lonely creek. Alongside, seated on the deck of a glamorous yacht, the Billamira V, the beautiful lady sips a fine Burgundy, strokes the handsome and evil looking white cat on her lap and toys with the level that opens the tank of Pirhanas that is also attached to the buoy.

Oops Wrong forum!!!
 

catmandoo

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Re: panto act 2 - sceneII

All of a sudden there came out of the gloom

A dark figure astride a two hulled broom

It is , they cried , the great Neucromancer

Who goes by the name of Catmandoo the Romancer

(He then executes 3 barrel rolls , 2 French hens and knocks the partridge out of the pear tree before adressing the crowd )

Avast Me Hearties ,cries he , I am not a Santo

But I have come just now to liven up this panto

You lack a Prince Charming which is very alarming

But never fear

Catmandoo is here

with a wave of his hand

he transfixes the band

and then with a swirl

and an elegant twirl

of his broom he fell

into the old villlage well

And disappeard from sight

nothing then happened until it was night

When there emerged from the bog

an enormous great frog

It hopped up to Snowhite

who stood in sheer fright

and croaked "Kiss Me Darling " lets do it tonight


(Episode 2 continues next week ) /forums/images/graemlins/grin.gif
 

ghostwriter

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Re: panto act 2 - sceneII

The pair enter, mimicking one another's steps as the late afternoon twilight drifts lazily across the loam. Calloused paws beat a steady rythm, cracked and sore as many miles of fearful journey had driven their movements. One silver one the autumn mirage of fire as the draw reign on the outskirts of Civana Pack. Eyes the color of moonlight filtering over snow flicker to meet visionaries the color terra cotta. His larger frame steps forward to shadow her own, should some unseen danger come flickering upon the wind. One fiery muzzle is lifted to the wind, scenting out the nearby presences of others. One moonlit muzzle is lowered to the earth to scent the dominant scent markings of the alpha upon the terrain. A smirk twists her features into a look a lazy appeal as she settles back to await the appearance of this marked leader. His attentions return to her, confusion mingling in his expression before the lupine version of a shrug plays his muscle actions. Crania is swiftly lifted, sienna muzzle forming a neat formation as a howl is released, signalling their peaceful presence
 
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