news flash !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

JEG

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Chap walks into a pub with a whippet & is told only dogs for blind allowed;
but I am blind quoth he. Rubbish says publican they always have labradors or retrievers - so what did they give me?
 

Mike21

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Well the kids and I planed our way up north and were fully displaced away from the 'puter all week in Scotland /forums/images/graemlins/smirk.gif

Looks like it was definately a hullish week on mobo /forums/images/graemlins/laugh.gif

Could have been worse, mite have been only semi-displaced /forums/images/graemlins/grin.gif
 

hlb

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But the humour. is still there, maybe you have to look harder to find it, but is that not half the fun. It is much more fun than Happy times. Launching million £ boats in horendous seas. Bit of a bucket to stop them wizzing all over the place. Zooming up beaches whilst deploying legs. ( do they wear Socks!!) Or sexy stockings!! The mind boggles. I can see these threads in heavy compition to the adventures of Mucky Farter. Not that this boat or the previous one has as far as I am aware, ever ventured to sea, let alone, dastardly adventures. Or daring does to meet up with other forum members. I mean all credit to Brendan, even though he does lose his window screen occasionally, he's only got a little boat, but it dont stop him getting about. Wiggo frightened me to death, plowing into Christchurch with zero on the sounder. I've had a hell of a year, meeting up with folks all over the place. Which leads me to my next post!!
 

BarryH

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A bra, battery and a set of jump leads walk into the pub and order drinks.
"I'm not serving you" says the landlord.
"why not?" says the bra



Landlord says "'cos your already off yer tits and yer friends wanna start something"

......ok I'll get me coat.
 

jimduncan1

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Re: news flash !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!joke

A very attractive lady goes up to a bar in the quiet
marina pub. She gestures alluringly to the bartender
who comes over immediately. When he arrives, she
seductively signals that he should bring his face
closer to hers. When he does she begins to gently
caress his full beard. "Are you the manager?" she
asks, softly stroking his face with both hands.
"Actually, no," the man replied." "Can you get him for
me? I need to speak to him" she
says, running her hands beyond his beard and into his
hair. "I'm afraid I can't," breathes the bartender.
"Is there anything I can do?"

"Yes, there is. I need you to give him a message,"
she continues, running her forefinger across the
bartender's lips and slyly popping a couple of her
fingers into his mouth and allowing him to feast on
them gently. "What should I tell him?" the bartender
manages to say. "Tell him," she whispers, "there is
no toilet paper, hand soap, or paper towels in the
ladies room."
 

deborahann

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working all hours years ago, in the office at the weekend (when I shouldn't have been) get a call from an irate client, going mad about whatever. I said "do you know who you're talking to ????? " well no was the reply I said "well *&^%off then"
& put the phone down. Still brings a smile to my face remembering this.
 

Mike21

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A woman brought a very limp duck into a veterinary surgeon.

As she lay her pet on the table, the vet pulled out his stethoscope and listened to the bird's chest. After a moment or two, the vet shook his head sadly and said, "I'm so sorry, your pet has passed way."

The distressed owner wailed, "Are you sure?

"Yes, I'm sure. The duck is dead," he replied.

"How can you be so sure", she protested. "I mean, you haven't done any testing on him or anything. He might just be in a coma or something."

The vet rolled his eyes, turned around and left the room. He returned a few moments later with a black Labrador Retriever. As the duck's owner looked on in amazement, the dog stood on his hind legs, put his front paws on the examination table and sniffed the duck from top to bottom.

He then looked at the vet with sad eyes and shook his head.

The vet patted the dog and took it out and returned a few moments later with a beautiful cat. The cat jumped up on the table and also sniffed the bird from its beak to its tail and back again. The cat sat back on its haunches, shook its head, meowed softly, jumped down and strolled out of the room.

The vet looked at the woman and said, "I'm sorry, but as I said, this is

most definitely, 100% certifiably, a dead duck."

Then the vet turned to his computer terminal, hit a few keys, and produced a bill (not the duck's bill obviously), which he handed to the woman.

The duck's owner, still in shock, took the bill. "£450!" she cried."£450 just to tell me my duck is dead?!!"

The vet shrugged. "I'm sorry. If you'd taken my word for it, the bill would

have been £30. But with the Lab Report and the Cat Scan, it all adds up."
 

Sammo

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Talking of vets.

Here`s a dog that hates going

vet.sized.jpg


Cheers

....................
 
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