New Cardiff Chandlery Outlet?

[quimby]

Two businessmen in Cardiff were sitting down for a break in their soon-to-be new shop...

As yet, the shop wasn't ready, with only a few shelves set up.

One said to the other, "I bet any minute now some pensioner is going to walk by, put his face to the window, and ask what we're selling."

No sooner were the words out of his mouth when, sure enough, a curious old woman walked to the window, had a peek, and in a soft voice asked, "What are you selling here?"

One of the men replied sarcastically, "We're selling ar=e-holes."

Without skipping a beat, the old timer said, "Must be doing well... Only two left."

 

[tonybarebones]

Here's another oldie... )

Here's another oldie... )

A Scotsman walks into a pub and takes a seat next to a very attractive woman.

He gives her a quick glance then casually looks at his watch for a moment.

The woman notices this and asks, 'Is your date running late?'

'Naw naw love', he replies, I just got this state-of the-art watch, and I was just testing it..'

The intrigued woman says, 'a state-of-the-art watch?

''What's so special about it?'

The Scotsman explains, 'It uses alpha waves to talk to me telepathically.'

The lady says, 'What's it telling you now?'

Well, it says you're not wearing any knickers.'

The woman giggles and replies, 'Well it must be broken because I am wearing knickers!'

The Scotsman smiles, taps his watch and says,' Aye, the bloody thing's an hour fast!'

 

[Sneds]

A duck walks into a pub, says to the landlord
Got any bread?
The landlord replies "no"
The duck says again, "got any bread"
No

Got any bread
No
Got any bread
No
Got any bread
No
Got any bread
No
Got any bread
No
Got any bread
No

Landord says "if you ask again for bread I'll nail your beak to the bar!"
Duck replies "got any nails?"

"NO" says the landlord

"Got any bread then" says the duck!

Ok I'll get my coat!

 

[Csail]

Man Over Board

An Englishman, an Irishman and a Scotsman were passengers on board The cross channel ferry when The Englishman fell into The sea.
The Scotsman shouted, 'man overboard, throw in a buoy', so The Irishman grabbed a little lad of eight and threw him overboard.
The Scotsman shouted, 'Not that sort of boy. I meant a cork buoy.'
'How The hell am I supposed to know what part of Ireland he comes from?' said The Irishman.

 

[Csail]

What’s the difference between a woman and a mobile speed camera?

On a woman you can see the **** behind the bush

 

[tonybarebones]

'Free Sex with Fill-Up.'

A petrol station owner in Dublin was trying to increase his sales.
So, he put up a sign that read, 'Free Sex with Fill-Up.'

Soon Paddy pulled in, filled his tank and asked for his free sex.
The owner told him to pick a number from 1 to 10.

If he guessed correctly, he would get his free sex.

Paddy guessed 8, and the proprietor said, 'You were close.
The number was 7. Sorry. No sex this time.'

A week later, Paddy, along with his friend Mick, pulled in for another
fill-up. Again he asked for his free sex.

The proprietor again gave him the same story, and asked him to guess the
correct number.
Paddy guessed 2 this time. The proprietor said, 'Sorry, it was 3.
You were close, but no free sex this time.'

As they were driving away, Mick said to Paddy,
'I think that game is rigged and he doesn't really give away free sex.'

Paddy replied, 'No it ain't, Mick. It's not rigged at all.
My wife won twice last week!'