my sailing friend has been diagnosed with mild NOSPARMs - advice sought

[Slowtack]

Fly him immediately to Florida for a spin in a golfcart (fitted speed governor recommended) around one of those gated retirement villages. That will surely fix what ails him but it may be advisable to have a hip flask of that there good ol' boys sippin' whuskey to hand for a speedy revival in case shock sets in.

 

[Clyde_Wanderer]

If he is on any medication at present, especially tablets he should crush them to powder using two tea spoons and snort them up his nose, as a lot of these disorders can be in the head.
C_W