Motor Boaters Christmas Cake


New member
10 Sep 2001
Well it's quiet on the board....

1 cup of water
1 tsp baking soda
1 cup of sugar
1 tsp salt
1 cup of brown sugar
lemon juice
4 large eggs
lots of nuts
1 bottle Whisky (single malt)
2 cups of dried fruit

Sample the whisky to check quality.
Take a large bowl, check the whisky again. To be sure it is the highest quality, pour one level cup and drink.


Turn on the electric mixer. Beat one cup of butter in a large fluffy bowl. Add one teaspoon of sugar. Beat again.

At this point it's best to make sure the whisky is shtill OK.
Try another cup .... just in case.

Turn off the mixerer.

Break 2 leggs and add to the bowl and chuck in the cup of dried fruit. Pick fruit off floor.

Mix on the turner. - If the fried druit gets stuck in the beaterers pry it loose with a screwdriver

Sample the whisky to check for tonsisticity

Next, sift two cups of salt. Or something. Who giveshz a sh1t.

Check the whisky.

Now shift the lemon juice and strain your nuts. Add one table. Add a spoon of sugar, or somefink. Whatever you can find.

Greash the oven and piss in the fridge.

Turn the cake tin 360 degrees and try not to fall over.

Don't forget to beat off the turner.

Finally, throw the bowl through the window, finish the whisky and fall into bed.



New member
31 Jan 2002
Port Solent
Great one, I'm going to have to copy this to everyone. Keep them coming, us mothers need to laugh to ourselves at this time of year, so we can keep up the pretence of scowling at everyone else, whilst pulling our hair out, going puce and balancing shopping one hand, wrapping with the other, and saying 'Not now, can't you see I'm too busy' and hiding in the kitchen with a well hidden bottle.