Law Court

catseven

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The following may amuse! Someone sent me this recentlty. Probably old stuff but still funny....especially the last one.

Disorder in the Court

These are from a book called "Disorder in Court" and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters - who had the torment of staying calm whilst these exchanges were taking place. Some of these are excellent- don't miss the last one!

Q: What is the date of your birth
A: July 15th.
Q: What year?
A: Every year.
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Q: What gear were you in at the moment of impact?
A: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
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Q: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
A: Yes
Q: And in what way does it affect your memory?
A I forget
Q: You forget. Can you give us an example of something you have forgotten?
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Q: How old is your son, the one living with you?
A: Thirty five or thirty eight, I can't remember which.
Q: How long has he lived with you?
A: Forty five years.
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Q: What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke up that morning?
A: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"
Q: And why did that upset you?
A: My name is Susan.
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Q: Now doctor isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the following morning?
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Q: The youngest son, the twenty year old, how old is he?
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Q: Were you present when your picture was taken?
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Q She had three children, right?
A: Yes.
Q How many were boys?
A: None.
Q How many were girls?
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Q: How was your first marriage terminated?
A: By death.
Q: And by who's death?
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Q: Can you describe the individual?
A: He was about medium height and had a beard.
Q: Was this male of female?
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Q: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
A: No, this is how I usually dress when I go to work.
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Q: Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?
A: All my autopsies are carried out on dead people.
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Q: All your responses must be oral, O.K. What school did you go to?
A: Oral.
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Q: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
A: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
Q: And Mr Dennington was dead at the time?
A: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy!
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Q: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
A: No
Q: Did you check for blood pressure?
A: No.
Q: Did you check for breathing?
A: No.
Q: So, is it possible that the patient was still alive when you began the autopsy?
A: No.
Q: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
A: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
Q: But could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
A: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practising law somewhere.


catseven
 

Kawasaki

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I would put it to You, that the last statement was at the end.
However not Terminal.
But a Fooking good laugh though! /forums/images/graemlins/grin.gif
 
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