JOKES NB

[janeK]

At the end of the tax year the Tax Office sent an inspector to audit the books of a synagogue.

While he was checking the books he turned to the Rabbi and said,
"I notice you buy a lot of candles. What do you do with the candle drippings?"
"Good question," noted the Rabbi. "We save them up and send them back to the candle makers, and every now and then they send us free box of candles."
"Oh," replied the auditor, somewhat disappointed that is unusual question had a practical answer.
But on he went, in his obnoxious way: "What about all these matzo purchases? What do you do with the crumbs?"
"Ah, yes," replied the Rabbi, realising that the inspector was trying to trap him with an unanswerable question.
"We collect them and send them back to the manufacturers, and every now and then they send a free box of matzo balls."
"I see," replied the auditor, thinking hard about how he could fluster the know-it-all Rabbi.
"Well, Rabbi," he went on, "what do you do with all the leftover foreskins from the circumcisions you perform?"
"Here, too, we do not waste," answered the Rabbi.
"What we do is save up all the foreskins and send them to the Tax Office, and about once a year they send us a complete dick."

 

[janeK]

Re: JOKES NB \"The sea\"

and another one:-

A number of Primary Schools were doing a project on "The Sea". Kids were asked to draw pictures, or write about their experiences. Teachers got together to compare the results, and put together some of the comments that were funny, and some that were sad. Here are some of them. The kids were all aged between 5 and 8 years.


* This is a picture of an octopus. It has eight testicles. (Kelly age 6)
* Whales are animals, not fish. If they don't get air they can drown, like my brother did last summer. (David age 7)
* Oysters balls are called pearls. (James age 6)
* I don't like the sea. It makes me sick on the ferry. (Peter age 6)
* My goldfish died. Why? (Katie age 5)
* If you are surrounded by sea you are an Island. If you don't have sea all round you, you are in continent. (Wayne age 7)
* I think sharks are ugly and mean, and have big teeth, just like Emily Richardson. She's not my friend no more. (Kylie age 6)
* A dolphin breaths through an arsehole on the top of it's head.(Billy age 8)
* My uncle goes out in his boat with pots, and comes back with crabs.(Millie age 6)
* When ships had sails, they used to use the trade winds to cross the ocean. Sometimes, when the wind didn't blow, the sailors would whistle to make the wind come. My brother said they would be better off eating beans. (William age 7)
* I like mermaids. They are beautiful, and I like their shiny tails. How do mermaids get pregnant? (Helen age 6)
* I'm not going to write about the sea. My baby brother is always screaming and being sick, my Dad keeps shouting at my Mum, and my big sister has just got pregnant, so I can't think what to write. (Amy age 6)
* Some fish are dangerous. Jelly fish can sting. Electric eels can give you a shock. They have to live in caves under the sea where I think they have to plug themselves into chargers. (Christopher age 7)
* My mum has fish nets, but doesn't catch any fish. (Laura age 5)
* When you go swimming in the sea, it is very cold, and it makes my willy small. (Kevin age 6)
* When me and Sarah went to the sea side in the summer holidays, we hid in the sand dunes and watched my big sister doing it with her boy friend. It was fun. (Lauren age 7)
* A submarine goes under the water like a fish, but it has lots of seamen inside. (Emma age 5)
* When I grow up, I want to be captain of a big ship, and have lots of sailors (Valerie age 6)
* Divers have to be safe when they go under the water. Two divers can't go down alone, so they have to go down on each other. (Becky age 8)
* On holiday my Mum went water skiing. She fell off when she was going very fast. She says she won't do it again because water shot up her fanny. (Julie age 7

 

[Rowana]

Now let\'s see if this works

I think someone on here forwards the jokes to friends, as I usually get the same one back within about 3 days max from an old school buddy who is now in Canada. /forums/images/graemlins/blush.gif /forums/images/graemlins/blush.gif

 

[janeK]

Re: Now let\'s see if this works

no these came today to me from Surrey??!!!!!!!!!!

 

[mikebees]

Re: Now let\'s see if this works

What jokes?

 

[Sui Generis]

Creased up