It was the knees wot dunnit. Kilt anyone?

Seakindly

Seakindly

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The BBQ post reminds me. Only days left before enforced sojourn at the Lizard over Xmas. Wots worse, there's some theatrical malarky cooked up by the young-uns that involves me wearing a kilt. Now, I can find rubber and leather kilts on Ebay and the real thing for 40-150 quids, but credit crunch squeeze does not make that a top priority. Might anyone on south side of Thames Estuary have an old kilt languishing in the attic for a 34" waist chap I might loan for a pint or three? I do now realise that shortie kilts are a favourite of certain kinds of young women but I really don't think those kind of garments would suit my knobbles. Additional reward: humiliating photo on the forum. /forums/images/graemlins/smirk.gif
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Ah Mr Cramp. A tartan picnic rug! Of course. I have a suitably itchy woolen one somewhere and blow me down if I didn't find a sporran on a market stall. Thanks to the forum I'm all fixed up to die in some murder mystery. I wonder if me home made kilt might be pressed into service for chilly spring cruising.
 
if you take the tartan rug and run it around you,leave about 6inches above the waist,wear a thick belt and fold the top over the belt,the kilt should barely touch the floor when kneeling,if there is enough material,try to have a piece of the rug run over your shoulder in a diagonal fashon and pin it to the waist.

wear a baggly white shirt with it and if you really want to get into it,hire a Cla-more,dirk and skean-do,the claymore(great sword) should be worn tucked into the belt in a cross fashon opposite to the Dirk(short sword),the skean doo is worn in the sock,for the really enthusiastic a targe (shield) should be hung over the shoulder and left dangling to protect the back

now if the bouncers get mouthy,you have the targe on your left arm and the dirk held behind,the claymore in the right hand,charge the bouncers,spiking the first with the targe,rake the second one with the dirk and bring the claymore over in a sweeping motion to get the last one /forums/images/graemlins/cool.gif
 
I have known Mr Seakindly for many years, man and boy. The thought of him dressed in a tartan rug with his knoblies on display is one to curdle the blood. By coincidence, I happened to be in a bookshop in Greenwich today where the proprietor was dressed in a kilt and was complaining bitterly that his children refused to be seen out with him in public. I was with his children on this one.
 
when i got married(ist time) i decided on the kilt and asked my buddys to do the same,there was around 20 of us in kilts,my friends 3 year old son kept holding his hands over his eyes as he did not want anyone to see him wearing a dress /forums/images/graemlins/laugh.gif
 
Turned out it was the knees wot dunnit. Found meself in role of murderer at the Lizard Lighthouse in said theatrical mularkey dreamed up by young uns. And BastonJack may also be pleased to note that wheeze with rug-as-kilt nabbed best costume award. Got to inspect Lizard rocks at close quarters and wander neath the sweeping lighthouse beams at midnight. The wind strafed me unwaries though. I dunno how the genuine scots manage it. They must wear something warming.
 
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