BarryH
Active member
Its, what, 01:25 in the morning. I've just finished working on the boat, no seriously, after realising that I had left something off the engine that in its own way is quiet vital. This occured to me after the wife said "was this doing in the dishwasher". Well its good for getting parts clean!
After spending the last week rebuilding the thing, again, and thumbing through the engine manual for the umpteenth time, I now know what all the phrases mean. So for those DIY spanner monkey's out there let me save you a bit of time. Just use the translations from below and all will become clear.
Manual: Rotate anticlockwise.
Translation: Clamp with molegrips then beat repeatedly with hammer anticlockwise.
Manual: This is a snug fit.
Translation: You will skin your knuckles!
Manual: This is a tight fit.
Translation: Not a hope in hell, matey!
Manual: As described in Chapter 7...
Translation: That'll teach you not to read through before you start, now you are looking at scarey photos of the inside of a gearcase.
Manual: Pry...
Translation: Hammer a screwdriver into...
Manual: Undo...
Translation: Go buy a tin of WD40 (catering size).
Manual: Retain tiny spring...
Translation: "Jeez what was that, it nearly had my eye out"!
Manual: Lightly...
Translation: Start off lightly and build up till the veins on your forehead are throbbing then re-check the manual because what you are doing now cannot in any way be considered "lightly".
Manual: Weekly checks...
Translation: If it isn't broken don't fix it!
Manual: Routine maintenance...
Translation: If it isn't broken... it's about to be!
Manual: One Spanner rating.
Translation: Your Mum could do this... so how did you manage to botch it up?
Manual: Two Spanner rating.
Translation: Now you may think that you can do this because two is a low, tiny, ikkle number... but you also thought that the wiring diagram was a map of the Tokyo underground (in fact that would have been more use to you).
Manual: Three Spanner rating.
Translation: You may have to consider resorting to Satanism for help with this job
Manual: Four Spanner rating.
Translation: You are seriously considering this aren't you, you pleb!
Manual: Five Spanner rating.
Translation: OK - but don't expect us to get aboard it afterwards!!!
Manual: If not, you can fabricate your own special tool like this..
Translation: Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!
Manual: Compress...
Translation: Squeeze with all your might, jump up and down on, swear at, throw at the garage wall, then search for it in the dark corner of the garage whilst muttering "bugger" repeatedly under your breath.
Manual: Inspect...
Translation: Squint at really hard and pretend you know what you are looking at, then declare in a loud knowing voice to your wife "Yep, as I thought, it's going to need a new one"!
Manual: Carefully...
Translation: You are about to cut yourself!
Manual: Retaining nut...
Translation: Yes, that's it, that big spherical blob of rust.
Manual: Get an assistant...
Translation: Prepare to humiliate yourself in front of someone you know.
Manual: Turning the engine will be easier with the spark pugs removed.
Translation: However, starting the engine afterwards will be much harder. Once that sinking feeling in the pit of your stomach has subsided, you can start to feel deeply ashamed as you gingerly refit the spark plugs.
Manual: Refitting is the reverse sequence to removal.
Translation: But you swear in different places.
Manual: Prise away plastic locating pegs...
Translation: Snap off...
Manual: Using a suitable drift..
Translation: The biggest nail in your tool box isn't a suitable drift!
Manual: Everyday toolkit
Translation: Ensure you have an Seastart Card & Mobile Phone
Manual: Apply moderate heat...
Translation: Holding a lighted match under it isn't moderate heat.
Manual: Index
Translation: List of all the things in the book bar the thing you actually want!
<hr width=100% size=1>
After spending the last week rebuilding the thing, again, and thumbing through the engine manual for the umpteenth time, I now know what all the phrases mean. So for those DIY spanner monkey's out there let me save you a bit of time. Just use the translations from below and all will become clear.
Manual: Rotate anticlockwise.
Translation: Clamp with molegrips then beat repeatedly with hammer anticlockwise.
Manual: This is a snug fit.
Translation: You will skin your knuckles!
Manual: This is a tight fit.
Translation: Not a hope in hell, matey!
Manual: As described in Chapter 7...
Translation: That'll teach you not to read through before you start, now you are looking at scarey photos of the inside of a gearcase.
Manual: Pry...
Translation: Hammer a screwdriver into...
Manual: Undo...
Translation: Go buy a tin of WD40 (catering size).
Manual: Retain tiny spring...
Translation: "Jeez what was that, it nearly had my eye out"!
Manual: Lightly...
Translation: Start off lightly and build up till the veins on your forehead are throbbing then re-check the manual because what you are doing now cannot in any way be considered "lightly".
Manual: Weekly checks...
Translation: If it isn't broken don't fix it!
Manual: Routine maintenance...
Translation: If it isn't broken... it's about to be!
Manual: One Spanner rating.
Translation: Your Mum could do this... so how did you manage to botch it up?
Manual: Two Spanner rating.
Translation: Now you may think that you can do this because two is a low, tiny, ikkle number... but you also thought that the wiring diagram was a map of the Tokyo underground (in fact that would have been more use to you).
Manual: Three Spanner rating.
Translation: You may have to consider resorting to Satanism for help with this job
Manual: Four Spanner rating.
Translation: You are seriously considering this aren't you, you pleb!
Manual: Five Spanner rating.
Translation: OK - but don't expect us to get aboard it afterwards!!!
Manual: If not, you can fabricate your own special tool like this..
Translation: Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!
Manual: Compress...
Translation: Squeeze with all your might, jump up and down on, swear at, throw at the garage wall, then search for it in the dark corner of the garage whilst muttering "bugger" repeatedly under your breath.
Manual: Inspect...
Translation: Squint at really hard and pretend you know what you are looking at, then declare in a loud knowing voice to your wife "Yep, as I thought, it's going to need a new one"!
Manual: Carefully...
Translation: You are about to cut yourself!
Manual: Retaining nut...
Translation: Yes, that's it, that big spherical blob of rust.
Manual: Get an assistant...
Translation: Prepare to humiliate yourself in front of someone you know.
Manual: Turning the engine will be easier with the spark pugs removed.
Translation: However, starting the engine afterwards will be much harder. Once that sinking feeling in the pit of your stomach has subsided, you can start to feel deeply ashamed as you gingerly refit the spark plugs.
Manual: Refitting is the reverse sequence to removal.
Translation: But you swear in different places.
Manual: Prise away plastic locating pegs...
Translation: Snap off...
Manual: Using a suitable drift..
Translation: The biggest nail in your tool box isn't a suitable drift!
Manual: Everyday toolkit
Translation: Ensure you have an Seastart Card & Mobile Phone
Manual: Apply moderate heat...
Translation: Holding a lighted match under it isn't moderate heat.
Manual: Index
Translation: List of all the things in the book bar the thing you actually want!
<hr width=100% size=1>