How to soothe SWMBO's worries?

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beancounter

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How to soothe SWMBO\'s worries?

Whilst having our "Romantic dinner for 2" in a hotel on New Years Eve, conversation naturally turned to boaty matters. (Who said romance is dead...?)

SWMBO 'fessed up that much as she enjoys sailing, she is really not enjoying the whole experience of boat ownership. It's a combination of being continually worried about things going wrong on the boat (we've had plenty), the expense to put said things right, the pressure to use the boat as we're shelling out lots of money for it, and continued time pressures conspiring against sailing.

So, before I'm reduced to sailing model boats on the pond, has the team got any helpful thoughts as to how to improve the situation?
 
Re: How to soothe SWMBO\'s worries?

Get her to read the first few pages of "sell up & sail"! Until then I had the same reaction!
 
Re: How to soothe SWMBO\'s worries?

Hi John, Happy New Year (obviously not at this point).

Well, I first have to record that 2007 was singularly the worst season i have had sailing since 1988, which is when my conscious record began. The weather was awful, and the opportunities to enjoy were snatched between gusts or wet. Even to the owners of Full Circle, this became a real downer.

As you know, we bought a new boat in 2005, and have continually struggled to keep it functioning, even with all the lavish attention it has received.
I know how depressing it can be to suffer with failure after failure wouldnt it be nice to have everything work correctly just for half a season?
Even with my previous boats, things failed, mostly in a small way, but sometimes quite major. I still shiver when I pass within 5 cables of a BMW diesel.

Remembering the issues you had last season with the engine, you must persuade Mrs Gazer to accept that you have solved the issue, and that gradually you will gain faith in the beast.
As for most other failures, well, almost anything navigational or battery related can be mitigated with spares or backups.
Get a brand new tool box, with a list of recommended engine spares and enough new tools to be able to do most jobs on board. Then, it is unlikely anything will go wrong, but if it does, you will have already paid for the parts upfront.
Establish a rigging box with odd bits of shackles and blocks for emergency, and other rope spares from paracord to 10mm braid.
An electrical box with fuses, bulbs, crimps and spare bits of wire.
Laastly, carry spares list and repair manuals for every piece of equipment on the boat and put it all in nice plastic folders. A copy of Nigel Calders maintenance manual is a cherry on the top bonus.
You now have a comprehensive breakdown kit. You dont have to know how to do it yourself, but you will usually be near someone who does, or at the end of a phone to one of us perhaps. This is comforting to all, not just Ruth.

I have found that doing an honest appraisal of the budget (you MUST be the expert of that!!) against an expectation of hours/days/miles for the year will give you an is it worth it? type of opinion. Personally ours is 6k a year for 1500 miles including at least 2 weeks onboard and not less than 15 weekends.
It has been said to me by our local dealer that boat use declines over a 3 year period, where the joy of ownership is in year 1, the 2nd season gets used less as the novelty wears off, and 3rd season is crunch, as people either get comfortable with the lower use, or decide it is not for them and go back to chartering or a smaller day boat perhaps.

Factored in also is your relative lack of experience, which is building every time you walk down the pontoon. Have you joined a club, go out on club cruising weekends? Its not for everyone, but can help. I have to say that the cruising section at Royal Corinthian is very much alive without being prescriptive or intrusive, and does a lot of 'local' events. Of course you must choose wherver you are located. Just a thought.

As you know, Lynn went off and did DaySkipper, which helped a lot, and she does have good knowledge of at least what has broken when things are not 'quite' right. She has not wrested the helm from me, but that is her choice. Slowly, slowly. She does however, get great confidence and enjoyment from the Girls weekend that happens once a year (could be more?) and they universally think that way, it would be nice if Mrs Gazer came to that this year.

I am sure also that you do listen to her wishes for destinations and itinaries which arent just mile munching trips,turn round and back. Perhaps get a couple of folding bikes (maybe even some lightweight camping gear) so you can explore more than the waters edge at any stop. We have also found a new interest in the wildlife, and have bought the books and a new camera to do that, and also have a watercolour kit with easel on board now.

Buy a wall diary and mark all of the commitments for family and boating, holidays etc. I think the key is to get relaxed as possible with it, and not scurry about at high speed from home to boat to destination and home again, worry about family and other commitments.

It wis with all these thoughts that I enter 2008.
If Clarke and Carter had been open the Saturday before Xmas, my boat could well have been on the market. I went home, breathed deeply, cleared my mind, did the maths, filled in the calendar, and I am now looking forward to this year.

Fair Winds
 
Re: How to soothe SWMBO\'s worries?

Find a ladies' only training course, and let her loose on that. I know someone who was a "reluctant" sailer until she came back from one of those, Radically changed her approach to sailing and being in charge on board. /forums/images/graemlins/ooo.gif
 
Re: How to soothe SWMBO\'s worries?

Mainly I suspect you need to change the perception of 'things going wrong' towards one of 'things that need some attention'..... you will never ever have a boat where nothing 'goes wrong'..... and they can become overwhelming rather than just part of the lifestyle... that can then affect your enthusiasm for you and/or SWMBO being on the boat... and the willingness of the family to move other commitments about to be on the boat etc etc.... ultimately presents itself as time pressures conspiring against sailing, expensive boat, lack of use for the money etc etc etc
 
Re: How to soothe SWMBO\'s worries?

There's a big difference between sailing a boat and owning a boat; as you've found out. Our boat ownership has not been with troubles/worries.

Owning a boat and setting off into the sunset has always been MY dream. The wife was not initially opposed, so I took it from there. It's now both our dream.
What brought this about? Separate accounts.

Ever since we got married 17 years ago we have had separate accounts - we agreed who paid what and that was it.
The boat was my idea, so I pay for it - all of it. I do not worry her with upgrades/repairs/mooring fees/insurance/... Sometimes she's aware of something new on the boat, sometimes not. As far as she's concerned: owning a boat is completely trouble free. She knows the deck needs doing but she only found out by chance that we now have an autopilot. I worry for the both of us.

So, my advise: lie (well, maybe not lie - but hide the unpleasant bits of the truth).
If, OTOH you share/agree with her concerns, why not charter or buy a boatshare?
 
Re: How to soothe SWMBO\'s worries?

Jim,

thanks for the eloquent response. A few comments;

"Get a brand new tool box, with a list of recommended engine spares and enough new tools to be able to do most jobs on board....... A copy of Nigel Calders maintenance manual is a cherry on the top bonus."

Yup, building up all those items. The Calder breeze-block of a book sits at home, as it would probably upset the trim on the boat... I keep Pat Manley's "Simple boat maintenance" (Oxymoron?) on board.

"Have you joined a club?"

Yup, we've joined the exceptionally friendly bunch at SPYC, and did a couple of trips with them last year. (One more aborted by all concerned due to bad weather)

"Buy a wall diary and mark all of the commitments for family and boating, holidays etc."

Tick. Last year, by mid-Jan, we had every weekend planned up to late October.

I guess part of the problem is that, being born without the DIY bit of my DNA helix, I can't exude knowledgeable calm when SWMBO says "What's that noise/smell?"

cheers

John
 
Re: How to soothe SWMBO\'s worries?

I entirely sympathise with your wife's concerns and have had similar thoughts to FullCircle after a less than satisfying season due to weather and family problems. In response, we are moving from a marina to a pontoon berth in Portsmouth harbour in an effort to save a bit of money (we had previously looked at moving the boat abroad for similar reasons).

Boat ownership cost is a tricky issue. Most agree that it is not sensible to add up the costs of ownership and divide by days spent on the boat. However, I can understand anyone reaching a point of wondering if it's all worth it. It might be worth calcluating the alternative. Assuming as you say that SWMBO enjoys sailing, sit down and plan how much sailing you would like to do, i.e. how many weekends and longer holidays you want to get out of your boat this year. Then work out how much that would cost in charter fees. You might find that the <u>net</u> cost of ownership then doesn't look quite as high.

Simon
 
Re: How to soothe SWMBO\'s worries?

[ QUOTE ]
a "reluctant" sailer

[/ QUOTE ]

Au contraire, mon ami the sailing bit isn't the problem - I have to fight for my turn on the tiller. Perhaps I should persuade SWMBO on to a diesel maintenance course... /forums/images/graemlins/smile.gif
 
Re: How to soothe SWMBO\'s worries?

John,thats the whole point. I recognise from your comment when we first met.
If you remember, I had a drill in my hand on a boat that hadnt even seen the water, and you were shocked enough to exclaim that you wouldnt have the nerve to do that.
Well, have all the kit on board, if you cant fix it yourself, you are at least certain in the knowledge that there is enough on board for someone to do it, ot to talk you through it.

Pleased that some of the otehr points have been addressed, although you coyly omitted the budgetted element of the enormous cost of this madness. /forums/images/graemlins/laugh.gif
 
Re: How to soothe SWMBO\'s worries?

I absolutly agree with the seperate accounts; sailing was my idea, so I pay for it. I bought a boat I could afford for cash, no debts, keep her on a cheap mooring at a club, work on her myself. Annual running cost about £400 tops. The result is that, though SWMBO gets upset if I spend to much time away on my own or talk constantly about boats, she still buys little 'presents' for the boat.

SWMBO has suggested buying our sailaway boat soon but my feeling is that I don't mind £5,000 worth of boat sitting on the mooring, unused most of the time but if we spend ten times that on a boat, I want ten times the use out of her, which can't happen till I retire.
 
Re: How to soothe SWMBO\'s worries?

Will,

thanks for that. We do operate separate accounts, and, as much as possible, I pay the bills. I just need to be a bit quicker in whisking away the post before SWMBO sees it.... /forums/images/graemlins/smile.gif

cheers

John
 
Re: How to soothe SWMBO\'s worries?

[ QUOTE ]
Most agree that it is not sensible to add up the costs of ownership and divide by days spent on the boat.

[/ QUOTE ]

I'm not sensible.

I did it for last year. (Didn't tell SWMBO tho'...)

I won't do it again...
 
Re: How to soothe SWMBO\'s worries?

Those of us who have a MAB don't have to worry about the boat loosing capital value-it already has!

So it's just the running costs, which can be kept down if you don't mind getting your hands dirty. Try combining a weekend at the boatyard with an evening meal and staying at a country/coastal hotel.

(I know, I'm a smug git, but it's not often a MAB owner gets to be smug!)
 
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